Hoped to not have to post here again, but things are bad again...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lonelyroad, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    Wehad 17 good weeks, of a fully functional child, now 14...And I think she s worse then ever and she is four hours away from home and we can't get her til tomorrow...and we are moving this weekend....
    All that set this episode off is a missing deodarent, and all my sister did was tell her to go thru her suitcase one more time to make sure it wasn't there, before going to the store...somehow that triggered an emotional out burst that has resulted in her sobbing all night...she told me her Aunt pushed her back into a depressed state....it's always something tha starts this downward spiral..
    Then she was hysterically telling me she can't go to high school, needs to stay safe at grade school...
    i will be calling her counsellor to get her back in tomorrow..she has had 17 great weeks, honestly thought we were done with all of this..
    And my poor sister and familys holiday is pretty much ruined..
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It sounds like she had an awful lot running through her mind and the bit with the deodorant was only "the last straw". My guess is that it really had nothing to do with the deodorant but rather (as SHE said) severe anxiety about school starting soon and whatever her fear is there and then being away from home on top of it.

    I wouldn't be too hard on her. It's obvious to me that SEVERE anxiety was at the root of this one. Something about school is scaring her and she needs help to process whatever it is somehow.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Think back hard and maybe give us some background on your child. Was she REALLY ok until just last year? I had my first depression at 13, so I sort of functioned before that, but I was not ok.

    If s he was REALLY ok until a year ago, unless she was sexually abused, most it is very possible that she is dabbling with recreational drugs or drinking. That is probably the #1 reason why teens turn into demons overnight. And that makes any mental illness even worse. Sounds like your precious daughter suffers from depression, like I have most of my life. Would she self-medicate?

    On the other hand (I am just now seeing your signature, which I skipped the first time) her father had schizo-affective, and that is hereditary. Sometimes the symptoms of mental illness do start in the teens. May I ask why she has PTSD? This can be serious and lead to flashbacks and all sorts of unpleasant symtpoms. Are these your biological twins?

    Can you tell us a bit about your life at home? Are you married? Was bio dad violent? Stuff like that.

    I'm so sorry your poor daughter is going through this and hope we can help.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Tricky thing with depression is that the person is usually going "downhill" long before anyone else notices. They get really good at keeping up appearances. Anxiety and depression often go hand-in-hand, and each makes the other worse.

    Two big fixables to look into... how well is she eating, and how well is she sleeping? Running on an empty tank makes depression much worse... as does fatigue.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Yet part of depression is dysfunctional body rhythms while you are depressed. The doctor and professor who I dealt with at the University of Chicago hospital was the first one to tell me this and many others have followed.

    It is hard to eat and sleep. Many with depression (as I have had so many times) have insomnia. And your appetite is either too much or too little. That is all part of clinical depression. In a psychiatric hospital, the depressive patients are up late at nigiht, either talking or pacing, praying for sleep. Often only medication works. Sometimes even medication doesn't work. Nightmares are very common, making any sleep disturbed sleep. I know, personally, when I've been depressed and before medication, all I wanted to do is sleep all the time, but I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't concentrate on TV or reading either to pass the long hours (lack of concentration another sign of depression). It was a biotch.

    I had no trouble knowing when I was getting depressed and never found a way to stop it from happening anyway, except for the medications I now take. It's a horrible feeling, by the way. You never believe you are ever going to get better.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    MWM - interesting perspective.

    difficult child's depression is secondary, which is different than primary... For him, not getting enough sleep triggers depression - not the other way around - and our psychiatrist says that is not unusual with secondary depression. But when it hits, he drops FAST. Way too fast.
  7. I'm so sorry that things have gotten bad again.

    I agree with the others. I would suspect that this depressed state she is in right now has a lot to do with the fact that the new school year is fast approaching. If she is heading off to high school her anxiety would be high if she were just a 'regular' kid - never mind one that has already got depression and anxiety issues.

    MWM had an interesting point (although I see she got your sig mixed up with TeDo's). Has she always been 'fine'. I thought that about my difficult child - he was easy to get along with, compliant, mostly co-operative but we always knew he was never joyous, never really happy. Content, yes but he never showed a lot of true joy as a kid.

    Whatever the case it is obvious she is suffering now and maybe needs something in addition to Abilify? Maybe she is having difficulty sleeping which can exacerbate this and I understand that Abilify can cause insomnia or make it worse. A fear of mine if my difficult child gets put on it because he already has insomnia. He will go days not sleeping at all or only sleeping a few hours and then crash and sleep until 4 or 5pm .

    Please let us know how she is once you've been able to get to her and pick her up. Keep us posted.
  8. lonelyroad

    lonelyroad New Member

    LOL, I had to re read my signature....cause I was worried..

    And honestly until Xmas 2010 she was very "normal" Lots of friends, fit in with the "in" group, etc..

    She truly has no close friends nearby...her best friend moved 6 monthe before all this started and they talk via text all the time..

    As for drugs and drinking I lol at that...she never goes anywhere and has no access to it here...

    She is going to a highschool where none of her classmates go, she wanted the change, and what is she scared of? Getting lost, she talks about it all the time, the therapist told her that is the number one fear of all teens...PLUS a particualry nasty girl goes there, a year ahead and she is petrified of her..she could easily go to other school, where all the kids she went with wil be, BUT it is BIGGER therefore scarier....sigh..

    On the bright side she seems a bit better now, she slept well last night and says she thinks she will try to continue on original planned trip...fingers and toes crossed..
  9. Glad she is feeling better today. I think sleep helps a lot.

    When difficult child started high school he was afraid of getting lost too. Registration was about 10 days before school started. When we got his timetable and locker assignment we walked around the school and found all of his classrooms.

    We started at the front of the school where he would get off the bus, walked into the school to his locker, then from locker to first class - discussing which books he would need, then back to locker (if time allows - if not he needed to take books for next class with him to 1st class), then to 2nd class, then back to locker for lunch, then to cafeteria, and so on. We also noted the location of the office, guidance office and bathrooms that were close to each of his classes and the cafeteria.

    We did this run through several times and I think it helped him feel a lot more comfortable. Maybe this is something you could arrange with your daughters school? The school is usually open the week before the students arrive, I can't see why it would be a problem to go a few times and run through things.

    Not sure if you should warn her about the crowds of students and noises in between classes - or make it possible for her to leave class a few minutes early so she doesn't have to deal with that?

    Another possibility is to meet with a guidance counsellor at the school to reassure her that she will not get into trouble if she is late for class the first week or so of school - freshmen are expected to be a little confused and a little lost.

    difficult child was worried about making friends too. I just said to be friendly and nice to everyone but to sit back and watch for a few weeks - not to pick a 'group' right away so he could be sure the kids he was choosing were a good fit and a nice crowd.

    My difficult child was a little different as this was his first time going to school so everything was very new to him. He was home schooled through grade 8.

    Hope that helps a bit.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear that, especially after all this time.
    Your sister got a good dose of it.
    I agree, it wasn't about the deodorant.
    I agree, that mtng with-the guidance counselor is a good idea.
    Perhaps she could practice going through the motions of how to react if she sees the mean girl in the hallway; remaining calm, looking away, walking quickly, and trying not to overstress about it.
    Fingers crossed along with-you!
  11. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    we did exactly as welcometowitsend did--our school was also open the week before we started.

    we walked through it SEVERAL times, we practiced the combo to the locker A BUNCH MORE THAN SEVERAL times, and we even went so far at to organize her actual stuff in the locker--mine had a binder for every class and the skinniest locker you ever saw to hold it all.

    and my difficult child seamlessly made the transition--as a matter of fact, she did much better than her peers.

    i cant even tell you how much it decreased her anxiety--it was so worth the effort. this year she said she'd go once, more to put her stuff in the locker, but that she didnt really need to practice--she is comfortable.

    and in case she gives the "it would be weird" argument...the school is open for a reason, there were other people doing various things--athletes, some club putting up posters, and a handful of smart ones practicing their locker combos, others doing whatever...we just played it cool and no one paid any attention or thought we were weird.

    honestly, if thats her fear--and its a very real one, it will help.
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I had to do the whole "meet the teachers and walk the schedule" routine with difficult child 1 before the beginning of every school year since 1st grade. It made a HUGE difference for difficult child 1. It got the routine down without the distractions and hurriedness of other kids also scrambling around.
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The school here has an orientation for those starting HS - at the end of the prior school year (just after the last day of school). They get their schedules, walk to their classrooms, etc. And they tell ALL the kids at the orientation... come to school over the summer, get familiar with where every thing is, etc. We did it with difficult child - and it was a huge help. Almost easy child isn't sure if she will or not, but she's been wandering those halls for a few years now (before school events for difficult child), so she's probably fine.
  14. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    moving, new school, and separation anxiety could've all added to already brewing anxiety, so sorry hun, I know how it feels to think you're out of the woods only to find yourself right back where you were, bright side it you're getting to know you way around the woods, each time, you're more knowledgable, sounds, silly, but we have to hold on to the positives. Hang in there.