Hostess Anxiety ... I have it!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by goldenguru, Sep 29, 2007.

  1. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    We have dear friends coming to stay with us in a couple of weeks. And I'm <span style="color: #CC0000">freaking out</span> ...

    I will be putting them up in our bedroom because the only other bed I have to offer them is in the basement bedroom and its only a double ... and a worn out double at that. Guess where hubby and I will be staying? LOL.

    Our home is clean. Comfortable. But certainly not off the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. When people ask my style of decorating I always quip "Why eclectic of course". (aka: Early Garage Sale)

    Our bedroom needs a paint job ... :painter: I need new towels. My silverware is ancient ... and doesn't match. My sitting chair is threadbare. No money for those things right now.

    Just wondering if you ever feel this way when company's coming? Do you stress? I know I need to get over myself ... that my stuff doesn't define who I am ... but I still feel inadequate.

    I love to cook ... and they'll eat well. I pour a mean glass of Merlot - just in wine glasses that don't match. :smile:

    Is this disorder in the DSM IV?

    Thanks for listening.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If they are DEAR FRIENDS - you have nothing to worry about! They will love just spending time with you both.

    It is not the surroundings, it is the company. And heck - the food will go a long way to making anyone more comfortable! LOL! And the wine, too!

  3. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi GG,
    I am sort of the same way as you! Just last night I told my husband that I think it would be great to have his kids (3, they are grown easy child's) and his siblings come for a party at our house but I am too nervous over having it clean and straightened up and just being a "hostess." He is the same way so he's no help!

    I'm sure your guests will enjoy themselves but I sure understand your being nervous!
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Just try to remember that you live in a home, not a museum. I'm sure if you are close enough to have your friends visit for such an extended stay that they are visiting for the company, not the decor.
  5. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I love to entertain but I just don't sweat the small stuff. I always say that if they are coming to see me, I will offer them good food and a good time, but if they are coming to find fault I don't want them to come in the first place. When I go to a friend's house, it is to see the friend. I have friends whose idea of housekeeping is to clear a path from the front door to the bed and that is fine by me because I want to see THEM, not how they keep house.
    Quit worrying and enjoy their company.
  6. I hear you goldenguru,

    I always have hostess anxiety! It is never helped by husband and easy child who LOVE to entertain. When he was living at home easy child thought nothing of asking 12 -15 dear friends over just for fun, or for special events. I was constantly coming home from work to a house absolutely full of kids. When husband and I first married he was the same way. Surprise dinner guests were the rule rather than the exception and I learned to make extra lasgna dishes and freeze them for the "surprises" :smile: Now he knows better...

    After a while, though, I began to realize more and more that friends don't visit to evaluate they visit to socialize. (And boy do I miss the "house full of kids" now that easy child is away at college). The truth is, the decor really doesn't matter - the company does. And the fact that you are a good cook - it's icing on the cake... Can we have some of that Merlot? I'll take it in a jelly glass :smile:
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Count me in :smile: !

    Absolutely, I get terrible pre-jitters. Once my company arrives I'm fine but it's the anticipation and everything ahead of time that almost does me in.

    I hope you have a wonderful time! I'm sure your friends will.

    Suz :princess:

  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I feel your pain!!! When I have people staying with us, I usually will get some new candles!!! and hit the thrift stores and garage sales and any other sale!!!
    I just found 75% little pictures and put them up in the guest room, really made a difference, or I found a cute pillow case just one, but I pulled it over an old cushion on a chair... looks so cute!!! I use old plates I find at thrift stores for candle holders... me and the girls collect things, feathers, pretty rocks, shells and fill up big glass vases or bowls and put them in any empty spots!!!

    We pressed and dried flowers and found cheap frames and framed them... baskets all over... I put towels rolled in them for the guests, even if they don't match, looks nice!
    My anxiety makes me creative sometimes!!!

    If they aren't from here I make a little guest bag or basket with little things in it and leave it on the bed... (huckleberries, wine, Idaho magnet etc) I have an old robe hanging on the back of the door, old but cozy...

    I also put a little basket in the room filled with extra toothbrushes, soap etc. anything they might need or forgot. (I buy these things throughout the year)
    All of these things make for a wonderful visit!!!
    And lots of food and good wine!!!
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Focus on the positive. You're a good cook, and they'll eat well. That's huge. There will be plenty of wine, and they are dear friends of yours so all will be fine. You'll have great fun, don't worry.-Alyssa
  10. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I am sure that it will go well. I take it to a whole other level. We bought a fixer upper heavy on the fix so I just plain old don't have anyone here. I freak if I hear someone at the door. Good luck.

  11. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Go for clean sheets, towels, good food and everything else will fall into place.
    I like to entertain but when I made myself crazy with stress I realized it wasn't fun for me or for my family so I just shrug it off.
    The house is clean and the stay is free. What more can one ask?

    Personally I don't care for company staying more than 3 days unless it's my family. They don't need my undivided attention. Everyone else gets on my nerves after that many days. LOL. :smile:
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I love company. They can stay up to two weeks but then they have to go. I've had them visit when I was in the midst of painting, after I had an emergency hysterectomy, when everything was perfect. It didn't matter to my friends that they were staying in a room with paint fumes or that they had to wash the sheets for their bed or that everything was exactly as I thought it should be. The fact that I couldn't even entertain them didn't matter. They only cared that they were visiting a dear friend and her daughter. They noticed how I looked, how my daughter was, that the pets were healthy. We'd chat, play games, eat and drink lots. I'd play tour guide if I could. If not, that was okay, too.

    This spring I toured the south and stayed with several online friends. I stayed in a mansion and in a 2-bedroom trailer. It didn't matter. One home was immaculate. Another was beautifully cluttered. All I noticed was the wonderful hospitality. I was spoiled rotten at every stop I made.

    They won't care about what you have if they're friends. They'll care about you. So, relax, kick back and enjoy the visit! I'm sure they will!!
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I get it. I really do.

    I had a grandmother who did everything perfect. Likewise, I had a mother who did everything perfect. That is a heck of a lot to live up to.

    "Mugs? Don't you have cups and saucers?"
    Are you kidding me, lady? You are lucky I remembered to buy creamer.

    "Can I get a glass with ice?"
    For the love of Benji, drink the pop out of the can like everyone else.

    "Well at SOME point you have to stop using hand-me-down furniture and buy some nice new things."
    Hurry up and die, granny. Waiting on the inheritance.

    "SO...grapes is a theme all OVER your kitchen?"
    You don't like it? Leave.

    Family can annoy the bejeebers out of me. Friends, however, never seem to give me a problem...
  14. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Well thanks ladies. I feel much more 'normal'. I usually figured that hospitality is one of those things your either possess or you don't. After reading your responses I realize that maybe most hostesses get nervous.

    totoro ~ would you please come be my interior designer? Thrift shops and garage sales sound like my kind of redecorating. :smile:
  15. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I lOVE house guests. I but a few frozen desserts in case that is needed, a ham, some other cheeses and goodies. they get one of my two empty bedrooms one has a futon in it. I dont have cable so I rent a few movies, plan a few PGH outings. esp the strip district.

    I would be happy having all bedrooms full every night. lol I dont get nervous, I get prepared.
  16. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Friends don't notice mismatched towels or old furniture. Friends are there for the company.

    The only thing I would double check on is soft clean sheets. We stayed in a rental home during our summer vacation and the sheets were rough.

    I do like the idea of keeping a basket full of soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and extra toothbrushes. I know I forget stuff when I leave for a trip.

    Enjoy making dinner for friends and pouring a mean glass of merlot. That will do wonders for everyone!
  17. Penta

    Penta New Member

    I don't like to entertain. but I love to have people come and stay with me. I enjoy getting my small apartment ready...wildflowers picked from the field in small glass vases, a pretty candle by the bed, mints on the pillows. All my furniture and decor has come from thrift stores or used furniture shops, as I started over 2 years ago with a blank slate.

    Your guests will love having good home cooked meals and a glass of wine and your company.

    When my sisters came to visit this summer, the best part was eating meals at home and just having time to enjoy being together.

    Wishing you a good time with your friends.