How long does it take you to get used to it?

[gcvmom]

When someone you've known for a long time, like your difficult child or some other difficult child in your life (like in my case, my husband), starts medications and gets better, how long does it take you to stop holding your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop? Waiting for them to go back to their "old" ways? Waiting to stop doubting that the "new" behaviors are real, much less permanent?

I'm just amazed at myself and at how often I feel like I'm still squinting at this difficult child I married, trying to see where the "real" difficult child went now that he's on medications! It's like, "Who are you and what have you done with the S.O.B. I married?" And I don't even know if he realizes how huge some of these changes feel to me. Huge in a really, really good way. I'm almost afraid to talk about it for fear the spell will be broken.

Sometimes it really svcks being a realist.

 

[timer lady]

gcvmom, I'm not sure we ever get comfortable enough to really relax around difficult children.

My husband went on medications a year or two ago & he just doesn't see the difference in himself; when he stopped taking medications a few weeks ago things blew up. He felt he no longer needed them.

Having said that, while I don't think I ever totally relax, the longer I'm into this difficult child journey, the more I learn to make/take time for myself that is therapeutic in nature & all about me. My painting or piano. My bird sanctuary & knitting. The things I can do for me that really doesn't take away from my little family of difficult children helps me in more ways than you can imagine.

Take some deep breaths on a regular basis, plan for the worst & hope for the best. That's really all I can offer.

Oh.....stop the realism. It'll take you down faster than anything. Find your "happy place" real or not & make it sacred.

 

[jannie]

That's a great question....but I think it's different for everyone. Having said that, I think it takes a really long time to get "used to it" and then when a problem creeps up (and it will) your whole world quickly unfolds and your heart starts beating quickly and you remember what life used to be like (I'm guessing it's some type of mild ptsd). The good news is however, that the problems seem to pass quickly and you are usually able to get over it much quicker.

I'm so happy things are going well for husband !! It sounds like you are better able to enjoy time with him.

 

[flutterbee]

You can't live on edge constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. You have to look forward to the future, but enjoy the here and now for what it is. It may not be there tomorrow and you don't want to waste it worrying that it will end.

Easier said than done. I'm still practicing.

 

[Nomad]

What Heather said is how I'm seeing things as well.
It took me a very long time to accept things as they are. We try our very best to make sure our daughter has top notch medical care and avenues at her disposal to help herself. Now that she is older, we expect her to increasingly do what is necessary to get the help she needs. Of course, this makes it easier for me. There is a detachment process that takes place...esp. as the kids get older.

In addition, at some point I realized that I didn't want to get trapped in the world of despair/chaos/drama that some difficult children live in. It saddens me that their illnesses seem to make it easy for them to default to this place, but it doesn't do anyone any good for me to go down with them. Therefore, I am doing what I can to enjoy life and to look forward to a healthy future...even with the knowledge that I have a special needs child.

I'm not the greatest at compartamentalizing (sp?)...but I think that is kinda of what I am doing.

Easier said than done...but my advice would be to accept the situation as best as you are able. Make sure that your child is nurtured and well cared for. In terms of your husband, be there for him as best as you are able and make sure he has a good doctor to help him through lifes ups and downs. At the same time, make sure you are well cared for physically, spiritually and mentally and find happiness in this world...even with the difficulties that you face within your family.

 

[butterflydreams]

I've been wondering the same thing myself. difficult child has been showing glimpses of the boy we all know and love and I really love it. But, that being said, I keep asking myself if this is real and is it going to last. I would so love to see the improvements over the next months and see the results of all the headaches and hard work. During difficult child's home visit last weekend, easy child and I both commented to each other how much we liked the moments of difficult child that really blew us away. I too, am waiting for the other shoe to drop. difficult child has a long way to go, and months of hard work ahead of him, but finally I have hope.

 

[TerryJ2]

Wow.
That's a good question about a bad thing. Or good thing.
I wish I knew. I've never really had it happen.

I hope things continue on an even keel.