How many of your little darlings.....

[timer lady]

argue just for the sake of an argument? I know it's not an uncommon thing, especially for teenagers. You know, they know everything & are always always right - even when they are wrong!

Miss kt was in true form last evening, just after dinner. We had a fine meal together however when it came to clearing dishes, the argument was off & running. To be real honest I have no clue what it was even about as it was between husband & kt. I have to say that I won't engage in that kind of nonsense as much as husband will - he gets so drawn into the war of the wills. I'll tell you why; husband & kt love to hear themselves yell. The sound of their own voices is exciting.

Gives me a headache!

And then the both of them try to draw me into their melee (which is total & utter nonsense). I'm sure it was a dating issue brought up to be argued about by kt. in my humble opinion, it isn't up for discussion until kt is 16 - thems the rules.

kt, always thinking, was trying to convince husband that they should negotiate that rule - "since mom is sick." Okay, that didn't go over so big with me but I kept out of it.

And I believe the entire argument was a ruse to get out of dinner dishes. I cleared up the entire kitchen while husband & kt made noise. Just wanted the kitchen cleaned up so I could sit down & relax & I can't do that until the kitchen is cleaned. The both of them know that I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen! The rat finks!

 

[wakeupcall]

Sorry, Linda, I couldn't help but laugh!!! MY difficult child has been like that since we brought him home from the hosital....and I'm NOT kidding. I get so tired of it I could scream! It certainly is a teen thing, but I've got 12 years experience with it already (severe ODD). Mostly it's with me, but it's beginning to spill over with husband and he is aghast!

Good luck, my friend...it might be awhile!

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Disengage, disengage. Sounds like you have perfected it and need to give husband some lessons!

I totally agree with the dating thing. Both my kids have known the 16 age limit for years. They could do the whole group thing at the mall and stuff, but no alone dating or cars involved until they were 16.

Sharon

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Oh Linda...Tink tried this with me for the first time last week. Followed me from room to room trying to get me to engage with her. When I finally went on to the patio, she tried to lock me out. I eventually slipped into my room and locked HER out.

Can't wait till she's 13. Sheesh.

 

[trinityroyal]

My difficult child seems to get a real rush from the conflict. I think he genuinely likes the tension and adrenaline. Throw in a whopping case of ODD, and things could get really stormy.

difficult child's "thing" is to challenge and taunt people. He seems to be expert at picking the most inflammatory thing to say. The thing that will get the other person so riled up that they will lose control.

Part of me thinks that the only way difficult child will learn not to do this is through natural consequences. However, in this case, natural consequences would likely involve someone beating the tar out of difficult child, and I just can't bring myself to go there.

Not fun. Not fun at all.

 

[dreamer]

All 3 of my kids CAN do this.....I always say maybe they are lawyers in the making. They just HAVE to argue a case, and they can be pretty loud about it. They do not give up. Not necessarily a bad quality, LOL
My husband on the other hand, he can argue for hours but I have realized it is really not "me" he is hearing or arguing with----I can sit and not say a word and he will still argue, reply etc......and later he is CERTAIN I said things I never said at all. Me and the kids have decided it is hallucinatory. Yeesh. Or voices in his head.

Sometimes I do not mind this from the kids, - sometimes it helps me see what THEY are thinking. Sometimes it gives me an opportunity to clarify things for them.

 

[Sheila]

It's become a bad habit with-difficult child. Nothing new really, just "more" as a teenager. It makes me crazy.

 

[janebrain]

my easy child son has liked to argue for years--I don't even think he believes half of what he says, he just likes to get people riled up. He used to insist that man didn't really land on the moon, that it was all a hoax and I know he didn't believe that, but it was a good way to get people arguing. He used to love to bait difficult child 2 (he is 7 yrs older) to get her all worked up. She was and still is very environmentally conscious and he would act like he couldn't care less about the environment and get her so mad and upset.

difficult child 1 didn't argue much, she just did whatever she wanted--she was more likely to verbally agree with a rule and then just go out and break it.

Jane

 

[susiestar]

My boys were born like that. Both of them. Jess not so much, but with the dreaded teen years approaching it is becoming more frequent.

Ick.

Susie

 

[earthprowler]

my easy child does this all the time. she can't stand it that i treat difficult child different than i did with her (7 years difference) and will try to get me going. i think it just baffles her when i shoot her down by saying "i won't get into this with you". she still tries to keep going but i try to just block it out. other times she catches me in the right mood and we'll go back and forth on things but i try to get out of it and remember i'm mom, not her. i've told her she needs to be an attorney because she always has to have the last word on everything and won't give up till you agree with her.

 

[dreamer]

Linda,
If you think about it, the one thing a Warrior mom has is perseverance. Stick to it ivness.
Properly channeled and guided, kt could turn this around to be an asset. And while she may be annoying and irritating, it does seem she is TRYING to communicate her needs, wants and desires. Maybe she needs work on her methods and to remove the emotion, maybe, but- it does not sound like she is expecting anyone to read her mind. LOL.

 

[janebrain]

You know, these difficult children probably would make good attorneys. I work in a law library and the students will think of every loophole they can to get around our rules or they will not accept the answer you are giving them without wanting to argue it. Hmmm....
Jane

 

[dreamer]

while this may not relate to the immediate topic at hand- I had also hoped you would see this other post-with it's inspirationals in it.


http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13566

 

[Wiped Out]

My easy child is like this to the hilt! Honestly it's amazing how little husband and I know-lol. If easy child is like this and she's a easy child (although that is debatable) I can hardly wait to see what difficult child will be like as a teenager since he's already this way at 10.

 

[KTMom91]

Miss KT was also born like this. If you happened to say, "The sky looks so blue today!", she would find a way to prove you wrong. She constantly picks fights with Hubby, and though I no longer mediate, I am sick to death of hearing it. She seems to be getting worse as she gets older. I hoped there would be some maturity somewhere, but it hasn't shown up yet. I shudder to think how she'll manage at a real job.

 

[AmyH]

And I thought my difficult child was the only one (HAHA). He would argue with a brick wall if it would talk back. He is only 12 but yet he is so smart and knows EVERYTHING.

Sometimes, we just chuckle. Tonight we sent him to bed and he walked back into the living room and asked "can I have TV?" Answer "No, It is a school night" Shock "OK!" and turned around and went to bed. WOW, Check for a pulse. That is a discussion we have everynight, and he always wants to have a tv on to sleep. Funny thing is the answer is always the same. "no, not on school nights"

Maybe, he finally got it.

 

[witzend]

Oh, yeah. I'm still waiting for L to grow out of it. Even if she is caught red-handed, she has a reason for her behavior/actions that must be argued! Even "I've made my point, dear and we're done discussing it." gets an argument from her.

 

[Penta]

I always said my girl should be an attorney with her penchant for arguing every little thing. She has always had strong opinions about justice and fairness. However, as she has become a young adult...she's approaching 20, she can step back and take a look at the issues at hand without going off on a rant. She's at the age where she can put some of her strong convictions into action...writing letters to the editor, protesting etc...it took many, many years to get to this place. Hopefully, you will get there as well in, well, about 5 or 6 years!

http://deermeadowquilts.tumblr.com/

 

[mom23gsfg]

My husband on the other hand, he can argue for hours but I have realized it is really not "me" he is hearing or arguing with----I can sit and not say a word and he will still argue, reply etc......and later he is CERTAIN I said things I never said at all. Me and the kids have decided it is hallucinatory. Yeesh. Or voices in his head.

maybe ours are related ?....

 

[Star*]

SWEAR TO YOU -

When this happened in our house and either DF or I would notice it beginning? We would talk UTTER jibberish to each other - it would make Dude so angry he would forget what he was trying to point out in vain for the sake of arguing - and he would leave the room.

Saying NOTHING was NOT an option when he would "pick" fights about the most non-sensical things. We just out manipulated him - and shut it down.