How to handle when you throw them out

[Signorina]

{{{hugs}}} Diana. We've all been there. I wish I could tell you that tough love provides an instant cure - but I'd be lying. I can tell you that it won't always feel so sharp and that you will get past the crisis mode.

Hold on tight. XO

 

[diana71]

I hate to say this but I almost wish he would be arrested and that way I know where he is and that he isn't doing drugs. I am just beating myself up over any and all mistakes I made as a parent. I contacted his father who lives across the country and is in and out of the kids lives and he didn't even seem to care about what is going on. I was so mad! I told him that he is to blame and had he stayed in his kids lives I wouldn't have this problem right now. And his reply was "how am I to blame when you are the one that raised him?" REALLY?! It made me sick to my stomach! I was hoping he could come down here and maybe help me talk to our son but he has better things to do with his new family.

 

[toughlovin]

This is not your fault....there is no such thing as a perfect parent...if you can find a good parents support group you will discover all sorts of good people from good families with this issue...it is much wider spread than people realize because people don't talk about it. Your son is an adult now and he is the one responsible for his choices.

And I totally understand about hoping he is arrested....I know from experience having a kid in jail is better than having a kid in the streets. My son is in a long term residential court ordered rehab and that is the best thing that could have happened and I am so thankful.

TL


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[diana71]

Oh I so hope that my son gets court ordered rehab like yours did. Has it changed him? How long will he be in there?

 

[toughlovin]

The program is 9 months to a year. He has been in several rehabs before this which we paid for and he either left or was kicked out...lots of dollars down the drain. This time he spent 2 months in jail, we said he could not come home, and he had no place to live so drug court ordered him into residential. He has been there 3 months which is a good sign....and he is still there which is good. I don't know that I have seen changes yet although he is being polite, nice and is sober. Don't think he has really embraced sobriety yet though.

TL


Sent from my iPad using ConductDisorders

 

[3boyzmom]

You and your husband need to sit (maybe with a counselor or clergy person) and come to an agreement regarding your son. I'm sure he is worried about the safety of his family and belongings. You are worried about your child. Two different ways of thinking.

Call the cops, report what he did to your daughter as that is domestic abuse. She deserves to feel safe in her own home. Any time he comes near the house or one of you - call the cops. My husband and I turned my challenge in when we caught him with synthetic pot in our house. Talk about a hard choice, but we had to let him know that it was not allowed in our home and we have not allowed him to come back to live until he can prove he is clean. He now has a felony on his record and can never live here again anyway.

You can only control your life - not his. And standing back watching the self destruction is horrible. But he will realize how bad this is once there is no one else to help him. My challenge is now beginning to realize that in order to have someone help you, you have to follow the rules and be honest. Unfortunately it took two weeks in a maximum security jail and 120 days in county jail for it to sink in for him. I won't even get into how much money he now owes with fines, restitution, and fees. OMG!

Pray for God to protect him and the others he may come in contact with so no gets hurt. I pray that God gives you strength to get through this!

 

[diana71]

I'm going to start going to NA meetings and to see a counselor. He contacted me this weekend to see if I would give him a ride to the bus station to go to Dallas. I asked why he was going there and he had a long story about a job and was very convincing. I still told him no for the ride and he then told me he lied about the job to get a ride and it was none of my business why he was going. At lease we feel safe at our home for a while. He did get a ride and I don't know how long he will be there or why he is there. Seems he only contacts me if he thinks he can sweet talk me into doing something for him.

 

[Nancy]

I'm sorry Diana. You are being very strong.

 

[wg67]

I hate to say this but I almost wish he would be arrested and that way I know where he is and that he isn't doing drugs. I am just beating myself up over any and all mistakes I made as a parent. I contacted his father who lives across the country and is in and out of the kids lives and he didn't even seem to care about what is going on. I was so mad! I told him that he is to blame and had he stayed in his kids lives I wouldn't have this problem right now. And his reply was "how am I to blame when you are the one that raised him?" REALLY?! It made me sick to my stomach! I was hoping he could come down here and maybe help me talk to our son but he has better things to do with his new family.

553"]I'm going to start going to NA meetings and to see a counselor. He contacted me this weekend to see if I would give him a ride to the bus station to go to Dallas. I asked why he was going there and he had a long story about a job and was very convincing. I still told him no for the ride and he then told me he lied about the job to get a ride and it was none of my business why he was going. At lease we feel safe at our home for a while. He did get a ride and I don't know how long he will be there or why he is there. Seems he only contacts me if he thinks he can sweet talk me into doing something for him.[/quote]
Keep strong..and big hugs. And remember d

 

[wg67]

Oh I so hope that my son gets court ordered rehab like yours did. Has it changed him? How long will he be in there?

Big hugs...Be strong and remember it may be hard but some how some way we all can get through.