A few thoughts, Witz.
What would happen if you totally stepped back - for example, over the stuff not all getting delivered? You said, it's something small, you will pick it up yourself at a later date. The thing is, he knows this. He knows you will do this, you will rescue things, you will pick up the pieces. And knowing this, he doesn't need to try to get it right. But if you left it entirely up to him, he would HAVE to make sure that part got collected one way or another. He had the initial responsibility, frankly he should have turned around and gone back to get it. But you stepped in and said (probably with exasperation," Oh, forget it! I'll go and get it when I can!"
You're the comfortable pair of shoes he puts on when he kicks off his more expensive image-makers when he gets home from work. At home, he can relax and be himself. At work he's constantly trying to please everybody by going so much further. Or so he tells you. But is it possible he is running around at work quickly filling in the gaps because he forgot something, left something out, and then goes back and fixes it and does a bit more as well while he's there? You're not there at work to pick up the pieces for him, so he HAS to function there. And maybe he still gets it wrong sometimes.
That incident in the store with the list - he sounded like a bloke trying to prove "I'm the man" to another bloke, and then trying to show that he's being pushed around all the time by a wife who just doesn't understand the way blokes think. It reminded me of the time when husband had been complaining for some time of being tired and his knee hurting badly. I finally said, "Don't whine about it, go se the doctor."
So he said, "Sure, make an appointment for me, will you?"
So I did. And when we got in to see the doctor and the doctor said, "What can I do for you?" husband just said, "I don't know, really. SHE made me come see you."
He has since told me that when we got in to see the doctor he had genuinely forgotten why we'd made the appointment, his symptoms seemed so vague and he just didn't know what to say.
Boy, did I give him the rounds of the kitchen over that one! I said, "Why did you say that, making it look like I was the overanxious nagging wife, when you were the one who asked me to make the appointment?" I told him I would never make another appointment on his behalf.
husband was contrite, and he's never done it since.
I guess what I'm saying - despite all your talking things over, he's just not switched on. I suspect he's perfected the art of mentally playing Warcraft while you're talking, and still able to give you the automatic answers to indicate he's paying attention when he really isn't. Then he gets to where he's supposed to be, he's busy playing the Man of the House, but really can't remember what you agreed on. Of course, he can't let other blokes see him as nitpicky and fussy like you (the way he probably sees it), a bloke has to be laid back and casual with other blokes, a sort of, "Yeah, I'm an expert, I do this all the time, I can re-grout tiles in my sleep." So of course he won't check the order on the truck because he can't inconvenience other people (especially other blokes). Your husband is a good bloke, who's always ready to help other people. YOU understand him, you can pick up the pieces - you always do, anyway - but other people can't be inconvenienced simply because you asked him to check the list. They have just assured him it's all there; to check himself would be to show lack of faith in what they have just said, which would be bad-mannered (and, I suspect, he feels less confident than he tries to appear). Line of least resistance = "let's not double-check, let's just go with the flow and rely on other people to get it right."
I have a garden project, the physical stuff of which I've had to leave with husband. It's been a few years already, but I can wait. He's found a few problems along the way and every so often I ask what he needs to complete the next step. And every so often, he brings something home to help him complete the next step. It's probably going to take a few more years, but I think it will get there. If I desperately needed it done faster, rather than nag him to do it, I'd hire someone else to do the job. But I would let husband know that I had someone booked in to do it on a certain date - that would give him time to get in and do it first, and save us the money. The alternative - husband could heave a big sigh of relief that I'd hired someone to do the job and say, "Whew! I really don't feel confident enough/energetic enough to do it, I am tired and will be happy to pay someone else to do the job, they will probably do it faster & better than I could have, anyway."
How much does your husband earn per hour? How many hours of his time is spent doing things which you could pay someone else to do? Maybe instead of getting husband to do the jobs, send husband out do put in longer hours at work (he seems to be good at it) so you can pay someone else to do what husband is NOT good at.
Whichever way you go, I think you need to head in the direction of not relying on husband to do the home handyman stuff. But do make sure he is footing the bill.
Also, men often are not good at talking, or being asked to talk (or listen). Men think in straight lines. They go from point A to Point B without deviating. Women, on the other hand, often need to deviate, to detour, to check out everything else along the way to make sure nothing has been forgotten. And some men especially just can't understand this and resent being asked to try. If he is like this, then he will be 'zoning out' when you try to talk to him about fine details.
You can't change him, if he's like this. You are right. You would need to change yourself, and the way you talk to him about things.
Not easy, for either of you.
Marg