I am about to go into an IEP meeting....

[TiredSoul]

I am about to go into an IEP meeting with a person from the SD whom I invited to help me - who thinks:

If my son is unorganized and forgets to bring home his homework the consequence will be a ZERO for that assignment.

This is the main reason for this meeting - because i have been asking the teacher for 10 weeks to help me help difficult child to remember his stuff.

They do not seem to understand that my son has a DISABILITY that causes him to "make careless mistakes, frequently loose or misplace things like homework, have a hard time paying attention, have difficulty remembering things", etc!!

ARRRGGGHHH!

 

[JJJ]

Ugh -- what is it with school districts thinking they can just tell kids to stop being disabled????? If only it were that simple.

 

[smallworld]

You need someone who's going to advocate FOR your son. There should not be a consequence for forgetting to bring his homework home. Your son should either:
Have a system in place at school that reminds him to bring his homework home.
Have a duplicate set of books at home so he doesn't have to remember to bring his books home (this can be written into the IEP).
Have his homework scanned into the computer at school and sent via email to him at home.
Have a teacher work with him (not against him) to help him learn to remember to bring his homework home.

The school needs to understand that your son is not doing this deliberately. I think school officials forget that they're dealing with a child who may be lacking skills in certain areas. It's really sad.

 

[susiestar]

How did the meeting go? You do NOT have to sign ANYTHING that you don't agree with. Regardless of how they pressure you or how much pressure they apply. Be stubborn. Imagine that you are your difficult child and the school is you trying to get your difficult child to clean up after himself. Channel that stubborn refusal.

Then call the state dept of education and find an advocate. They are free of charge and will work WITH you FOR your son. NOT NOT NOT for the school. Your school and the teacher and this person "helping" you are all being idiots. Why not tell one of them to stop being right handed, to ONLY use their left hand and to do things PERFECTLY or they don't get PAID and everyone in their work life will know they are a FAILURE because they cannot do their jobs perfectly with their left hand only.

IF they can do that, use the non-dominant hand and do ALL parts of their life perfectly, AND they can change their skin color/hair color/eye color without aid of ANYTHING other than willpower, THEN they can tell your child to just do the right things that his disability won't allow him to do.

This kind of thing just infuriates me.

You NEED an advocate to help you FIGHT for your child.

Have you read the Sp Ed archives and posted over on that forum? You will be shocked at the amount of info and help you will find and then be able to use.

 

[TiredSoul]

I am sooooo glad you guys "get it". I completely agree with all of you. I put together a very detailed "parent input report" that included:

• his diagnosis's
• a description of the symptoms of those diagnosis's
• his strengths
• concerns/present level performance
• his needs
• and our needs to support his goals

The woman who was supposed to be there "for us" from the SD was a very effective meeting facilitator, but I'm not sure how it really went. They was a lot of talk and discussion but she ran it and controlled it. It was supposed to be MY meeting. I requested it. She did go from my report - a lot of problem solving was done - but in the end, not sure how it really went. I asked what would happen next and they said they would add accommodations to the IEP and rework the goals and then that's it - we didn't need to meet again. Everyone always mentions "you don't need to sign the IEP if you don't agree" but we have never had to sign the IEP. The only thing we have ever had to sign was the last page that specifically says those in attendance at the meeting. It sounds like they are going to write it up and call it good, without my feedback. What should I do?

 

[ShanDiann]

Can you call another meeting of the IEP team to discuss the new goals and how they are working out. As a parent you have the right to convene that team at any given point.

 

[TiredSoul]

Can you call another meeting of the IEP team to discuss the new goals and how they are working out. As a parent you have the right to convene that team at any given point.

I specifically asked what to expect next - they told me they would do their thing and we would not need to meet. I guess I can email/call and say - thanks for the meeting, these are the things I understand will be implemented and I would like another meeting to go over a draft of the new IEP. Is that what I should do?

 

[susiestar]

I would say that yes, you should convene a meeting to see the IEP in writing and sign it. Legally they have to have you sign it, I think. If you don't see the IEP you won't have a clue what it really says or what is supposed to happen. You are supposed to get a copy of the IEP also. AFTER you see the IEP you need to wait 6-8 weeks and then go to school and ask to have a copy made again. Give them whatever reason you want, lost it, need it for a doctor, whatever. But get that second copy and then go compare it to the first one word for word. I started this after Wiz went to the psychiatric hospital. I got a copy of his IEP to take to the psychiatric hospital. It was in an interoffice envelope with the string closer and of course I opened it and read it (school was sure I wouldn't, and later tried to tell me I had no "right" to open it and read it even though it was MY name on the envelope, lol.). I was appalled and FURIOUS because the sp ed teacher had added quite a few pages to the IEP allowing all sorts of stuff that either was specifically NOT allowed (internet access for one thing) or simply didn't belong in school (ability to give him recess for half of every class every day if he "needed" it as defined by HIM, among other things). A larg part of his delusional state was due to stuff this teacher did. She FORGED my initials and photocopied my signature onto the papers in many places.

After that I started getting a new copy of the IEP a few weeks after it was finalized. Almost half of her sp ed students wound up with IEP's that she altered -- and for this the school district made her principal of the alternative school and teacher of the year the next year, lol. That is how our middle school does things. NOT a joke. I have learned from other parents that it is not uncommon for schools in our area to try this.

Have you gone over to the sp ed forum to ask about this? The moderators there will know the laws and be able to tell you how to use them to make sure that your child is gettign what he NEEDs, that the IEP has measurable goals that will actually meet his needs, and whatever else you need to know. They are excellent at this, far more than most of us are.

 

[Shari]

My advocates have said you have 10 days after the iep is given to you to sign it, and if you don't, it goes into effect, anyway, unless you dispute it. I have got to verify this info, because its conflicting with other info I'm told/hearing. But...check it out!

And yes, I would put what you understand to be the agreed upon changes in writing, and send it to them in some form of traceable format. Drop it off and have your copy signed by the secretary, mail it certified, or something.

And don't forget, YOU are a part of the IEP team. Without YOU, there isn't an IEP team. "They" meeting to do "their" thing isn't the IEP team...you're a part of the process. If you want to be involved in developing goals, tell them.

I also know this doesn't always work the way it should. But if you know what they should be doing, sometimes they suddenly know it, too...

 

[TiredSoul]

Wow Susiestar, that is terrible. I can't believe she wasn't fired for doing that! It's weird about having to sign it because we never have. Maybe my district does not require it, but if you do not agree with it you need to put that in writing. Maybe they are just assuming the rule if it is not objected to within so many days it is automatically accepted. That's kind of tricky of them. Also, am I supposed to get a copy of the procedural safeguards at an IEP meeting? I have not gotten one in a long time - I'm pretty sure mine is outdated.

 

[jal]

I have never had to sign an IEP either. The procedural and rights pamphlet is mailed with every written confirmation of an upcoming IEP meeting and again given at the IEP meeting. I have a mailed copy of the IEP in my hand within 5 business days, no fail. I have not for almost the 4 years we've been doing this ever had to challenge our IEP.

 

[BusynMember]

I specifically asked what to expect next - they told me they would do their thing and we would not need to meet. I guess I can email/call and say - thanks for the meeting, these are the things I understand will be implemented and I would like another meeting to go over a draft of the new IEP. Is that what I should do?

This is that snorting animal that bucks at a shaking red blanket They are playing you. Unfortunately, you din't have an advocate for YOU. Anyone with the SD is not working for you, but for the SD. I still say you need to get your Advocate...we all have one...just call the Dept of Education in your state and find out who it is...or else they WILL walk all over you, dominate things, and try to do stuff behind your back. And most parents ALLOW it.We don't know the laws, Advocates do.
I went to ONE IEP without an Advocate. I was sooooooooo sorry. This time I have two of them and the school knows they have to behave because the advocates will speak for me and won't allow them to either dominate or push you aside. And you will know if they do anything wrong, which they less likely to do in the presence of an advocate.
I would tell them you want to be at that meeting and the you are bringing your advocate next time. You'll find out just how much the school is giving you a snow job once somebody is there on behalf of your son and she knows the laws.
If you don't, you are alone and they can and will get away with whatever. It costs them money and time to do an IEP, and they'd rather not do it.

 

[lynn123]

I have a child that had organization on his IEP. What we found works is an assignment notebook where he writes down everything *this is district wide for us*. Then has a binder with folders for every subject. If it is math homework he opens up math folder in class and there is his homework no forgetting to turn it in. Teachers played a big rule in this. I had a teacher with my first son who has alot of Learning Disability (LD)'s and she rather sit him in a corner pretend the IEP didn't exist and give him B's and not teach him. Take his best work and give it at an IEP meeting and say see how well he is doing. The superintendent finally was brought in but after it was to late the year was almost over. Then my second child who was almost off an IEP came through her class and she basically failed him (I think that was her way to pay us back for nearly getting her fired). He shut down and was the most unorganized child you met. Then he came to the grade that fixes the messes of the previous grade. They set up the binder and organizers. He is now the role model for how to keep your stuff organized.

The advocate I think it depends on who's your is. Try talking to them first or find another mom willing to go with you. I have 10+ years of IEP experience and in the one I went off on the psychologist when she said there was no explanation why my oldest son drop 20 pts on an IQ test. I told her you sit a kid in a corner and sugar coat his grades and don't teach him that is what happens (the superintend did apologize for the schools role in not following the IEP). The parent advocate we have is nice and she keeps them honest to a point but in some areas she helped the SD instead of us because she wasn't familiar with anything.