I Can't Believe I Have Another Update...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Nov 4, 2009.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    This afternoon--difficult child went missing from school...for real this time.

    Police were called AGAIN. Friends and neighbors were alerted to be on the lookout AGAIN. husband drove around the neighborhood looking for her AGAIN.

    Finally, she was found some five hours after school let out, walking on the side of the road.

    Her explanation? She needed a break from school so she ditched last period and then she got "lost".

    husband took her to crisis center and gave them an update on everything we learned over these past few days.

    doctor at crisis center reports that they KNEW difficult child was having unprotected sex with multiple partners....so that wasn't new information {Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we had been clued in a little earlier????} and ALREADY KNEW that difficult child had been ditching school....so again, not new information...and the fact that difficult child reports feeling hopeless is not cause for alarm....

    SO, we were told, once again...to take her home and that it was up to difficult child to turn things around.

    We have an appointment tomorrow with the regular therapist, who already told us she really doesn't have any answers for us.

    Am I the only one who thinks this is insane???

    Better yet--Does anyone know where I can get $60,000 to place difficult child in a therapeutic Residential Treatment Center (RTC) setting myself--without having to try and get a referral from the therapist and/or crisis center?????

    I'm too tired to even scream....

  2. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Sigh..... I'm so, so sorry, Daisy.

    To be fair, the doctor probably was unable to tell you these things because of privacy laws. Insane, I know. However, thinking that difficult child can just turn things around on her own is insane, too.

    Does she have a psychiatrist?

    I wish I had more to offer, but I have plenty of (((((((((((hugs)))))))))).
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Thank you! I'll take the hugs!!!!

    The soonest available appointment with her psychiatrist is January....

    Meanwhile, the psychiatrist at the psychiatric hospital is the one who upped the Celexa and recommended we "keep doing what we're doing".
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can understand the crisis center not telling you those things- it could cause more chaos and escalation in some families and it probably would prevent a person from ever confiding into them again- plus, the privacy act probably does prevent it as others mentioned.

    If she gets worse after upping the celexa I think I'd look at that closer. I'm sorry you feel like you are up against a brick wall right now and that it's so hard to get adequate help- clearly she needs some help.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yes, it is insane. Keeping medical info from parents is so ridiculous but it is how things are these days. You are responsible for your child's safety but are not priviledged to know what is going on. I always go off on a tangent everytime the subject comes up.

    I would call psychiatrist's office and BEG for a sooner visit. I would consider this an emergency. Surely they can figure it out? How close do you live to that office that you can be called in on a cancellation list? Tell them, "She can not wait two more months! She needs help NOW!!! As in YESTERDAY!"

    Can you call the psychiatric hospital and ask to talk to that psychiatrist? Just to see what he/she says? can he/she refer a readmit?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    It is just so WRONG the way the system is set up. You can be screaming for help and there is no one there to help you.

    A lot of the options won't work until/unless the patient wants to be helped. So many crisis places just ASSUME parents will make it worse and don't give you the info you need to keep your child safe.

    Did they at least give her some condoms????? ANY way to avoid a pregnancy and std's?

    I find it ludicrous and pitiful that places that cannot give our kids tylenol or advil or a bandaid without parental consent can go ahead and treat the same kid for stds, unsafe sex, and other risky behaviors without so much as a phone call or letter to us.

    Heck, in many states they cannot give a girl a bandaid but they can give her an abortion!!! (NOT bringing abortion in as a political topic, just a sad and startling fact!)

    Did the crisis place tell you WHY they didn't notify you? I hope they did not bill you!

    As for help finding a placement, I can tell you what I did.

    I started with our church. Called the pastor and told him the sad saga. Told him what we needed. Asked him if he knew of churches or groups with similar services. He sent me to another pastor, and from there to several more.

    Each person was told the story to the degree that they understood this was a true need and we were a family in crisis. I probably cried to 30 different people in a 2 day period. I almost NEVER cry. Never. Not. Ever. And I cried to these people because I was so desperate for help and so afraid that we would all not wake up because he had lost it in the night and killed us. Those who were here then probably remember my anguish. This site saved my family, truly.

    I just kept calling people and asking if they knew of anyone with a program to help.

    I kept a notebook, starting with our pastor but with a phonebook of all the churches and tdocs in our area.

    It is a horrible task, but you DO eventually find out if anyone has a clue as to who can help.

    I wish you much luck. MUCH.

    Just remember to ease up on chores, etc... that you expect yourself to do. This task takes somuch out of you that you just cannot do all you normally do. Be gentle wtih yourself and your family.


  7. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    I'm so sorry you're going through this. Having a typical teen is hard; having a teen difficult child feels impossible sometimes. I totally get the too-tired-to-scream feeling. The unprotected sex/multiple partners stuff is very scary. I am just starting to see some improvement in difficult child, but it's measured in inches and we still have miles to go.

    Hugs & prayers.:praying:
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    KLMNO and Susie--

    It never occurred to me that crisis centers assume that parents will exacerbate a situation....but now that you mention it, it makes perfect sense.


    No, I am not allowed to talk with the psychiatrist. The best response I can get is "Well, we'll check with the supervisor and see what we can find out."

    Susie and Grace--

    Yes, this is exhausting. I'm trying to remember the "oxygen mask" advice to take care of myself first so that I can take care of everything else.

    Thank you everyone for all your hugs and support.


    (Susie--I like that idea of going from church to church and organization to organization. We'll give it a try....)
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so sorry she is putting you through this. Would the school be willing to fund an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) -- considering she's not staying in class?