i cant WAIT until this school year is over......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by confuzzled, May 11, 2010.

  1. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    'nuff said.

    difficult child 2 given an assignment--a defend your position paper, if you will (in MAY??). she freaks out immediately yesterday over it. the TEACHER gives the class the choice of two positions...of course, she choose the goofier, more kid friendly of the two. she goes into full blown panic mode over the big picture, and has a rough day.

    but she makes a great go of it to start--like pulling teeth to do all of the pre-requisite steps for this ridiculously long and involved assignment and takes tons of coaxing/supported questioning to get on track, but she does. came up with all of her reasons and supporting statements.

    and then........

    teacher tells her today that she will not be able to convince anyone of her position and that she *MUST* start over with the other position.

    difficult child 2 has a meltdown.
    and therefore, the entire 90 min of classtime was lost, so its alllll now for homework.


    am i the only one who doesnt blame her??????? FTLOG, this is 5th grade, not the college debate team. what DIFFERENCE does it make, as long as she does the assignment?

    (and, quite frankly, if you all remember, we are not supposed to be doing extensive writing assignments, but i digress)

    so today we start again. i let her take a break after a hour into homework....this will take forever to do.

    i of course told her melting down is unappropriate and unacceptable. but i also told her i understood how she felt. (right or wrong, i do understand!)

    what i really wanted to say?
    well, i doubt i could keep it clean, so use your imaginations.....
  2. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I can totally relate ... our difficult child stresses out over projects, speeches etc .. it is a complete nightmare for ALL of us. His neuropysch suggested we apply for a 504 for him and reduce his homework and to give him the extra help and time he needs to complete his daily assignments. I am in the process of applying now. I don't think teachers realize how hard it is for difficult child's to handle such a workload. The fact that her teacher is making her start all over is just plain awful ! Maybe if you call or email her teacher and explain your dilemma she will accept her first draft. I hope all goes well for the both of you ! :D
  3. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    sadly shelly, she *IS* on an iep.

    and she just had a battery of tests so we could figure out where the frustration was coming from--and it turned up a legit disablilty.
    she really has an actual problem--although its a "hidden" one, its still impacting her pretty hard, and throw in her various other diagnosis's, well then...

    and this very thing was discussed oh, not two weeks ago. in depth with the whole team, including this teacher.

    they cannot seem to grasp that this is her MAIN trigger for behaviors---the truth is, i really dont think she can control herself.
    we just went over the whole assignment and what she'll have to do next. i asked her if she had any questions (of course NOT!)...
    and then i asked if she'd be ok with it tomorrow. and her answer was....she doesnt know. :sad-very:

    and i believe her.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why have you not contacted the teacher and told her that your child will be turning what she has already done in. Period. The IEP means she should be given modified assignments. Period. It does NOT mean that teachers should be allowed to get away with picking and choosing which assignments to modify. Call or email the teacher. Tell her that your child has a learning disability and per the iep and meeting on X date, her writing assignments MUST be modified. difficult child struggled through the assignment the first time with the topic being 1 of 2 positions the teacher specified. Her IEP does NOT say she has to do assignments twice. IF the child had refused totally to do the assignment I might not have this opinion. But her meltdown when told that the very HARD work she (and you!) put in just plain wasn't good enough even though it was a position the teacher proposed as a possibility seems very reasonable. I was a TOTAL easy child in school and probably would have had a meltdown over this. I am sure my youngest would simply be unable to function with that nonsense and HE is a easy child too. He has problems writing and will probably end up with dysgraphia being added if anyone tests for it. (He has accomodations for it but not the actual diagnosis as anyone who sees him write for 30 seconds can see the problems and we have AWESOME teachers/school.)

    NO WAY would I let a teacher do this. I would probably want to verify that the teacher gave X as a position before she did the assignment the first time. But if it was given, or if the position was left up to the child to choose and no one specified that it had to be a position a reasonable person would believe, well, I would NOT make my child re write the assignment.

    Can your daughter type? The school can provide assistive technology for her to type her assignments and even class notes and math work. My Tyler will have it available next year in the form of a Writer Fusion. It is a laptop device for students built to hold up to students. My oldest had one starting in 6th grade and before that used the classroom computer (he was in sp ed and refused to spend time with the idiot mainstream teacher - his very accurate description of her). thank you had free use of the classroom computer anytime it was not needed for other students. He learned to keyboard (type) this year. Your daughter could pick it up over the summer. Try software like Type to Learn to help her (I think it is still around). There are also many other programs to teach keyboard skills that she could use so she could more easily use a computer for assignments next year.

    I HATE when teachers refuse to modify assignments when kids so clearly NEED them. I HATE HATE HATE it when they take something a child worked hard on and say it isn't good enough do it this way if their first instructions said to do what the child originally did. ESP a child with learning problems because they work so much harder to get even that first effort done harder than most kids would work to get 3 papers done.

    Hope I didn't sound to harsh. I know it can be hard to confront a teacher about this.
  5. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    i've confronted all of the teachers over this issue more than once, and i get no where.

    this is the same school that thinks an iep means a repeat of last years generic, computerized, unappropriate goals--some of which have never actually been an issue for my difficult child and are things she shines at, because well, you know, its a new grade.
    (yes, i'm thinking of filing a complaint--just trying to decide if i have any more energy left for it--it might have to wait until sept when i call a new meeting.)

    and susie, you are totally right...i *should* tell the teacher she's turning in the original work (i could give a rats azz on the grade anyway) but i am trying to get her to also understand that sometimes life stinks and you have to roll with it...so we did it over the new way. and yea, i'm easy child as far as i know, and there isnt a doubt in my mind i'd melted down in the same situation!

    she's going for an independent Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation the day after school lets out so i can hopefully get an intensive Occupational Therapist (OT) program underway this summer (why this too is on *MY* shoulders i dont know, except to say if i want it done right i may as well just do it myself)....and i'm highly interested in the writer fusion---in fact, i meant to call my assistive tech center to see if they have one to lend out. mine didnt care for the alphasmart, but we did it years ago---i like the voice recognition feature of the fusion. i'll be interested in how yours does with it.

    the part that really kills me is that the meltdown pattern and triggers couldnt be any clearer. and yet these people still cant figure it out. i have the documented proof! they wanted. but they are still completely dumbfounded over why it happens. they'd like me to talk to her. i'll get right on that as i'm SURE i can change the situation if i just talked to her.

    we will figure it out. i'm just sick to death of this school working against us!
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sadly some schools just are this way. They cling to what doesn't work and anything new that a parent or parent's advocate suggests just isn't going to happen. I wish there was some way to fix it.

    I hope your school is out soon. How many days do you have left? What are your options for next year to try to prevent this? Have you gotten an advocate to help you with the IEP? Often they can help with samples of goals and well written IEPs, in addition to more hands-on help.

    If you contact the State Board of Ed they can direct you to free advocates.

    Maybe you can commiserate with your daughter over a special treat. I used to take Wiz past a local bakery on the way home after the school had given him a really hard day. We would eat danish or cookies and talk. It seemed to help him cope a little better.

    Hugs to both you and your difficult child.