Okay Wynter.....What if you ARE mean?
Have you asked difficult child EXACTLY what she meant when she said "YOU ARE MEAN MOM?"
When this was presented to me - I thought "ME? MEAN? Is he smoking bubble gum cigars with the wrapper ON? Has he A CLUE what living with him is? That's mean."
So I said "Come here, sit down and talk to me - tell me about me. Let me know what you think - define mean. When you are done I want the same attention I'm about to give you, and if you don't give me equal time - then YOU are mean."
And I watched the clock and for 10 minutes - TEN minutes of him telling me (me taking note) of ALL the things that I was mean about and unfair over, and what an OGRE I have been since I got sick, and how I NEVER listen anymore to him - not really. And I took notes, then it was my turn - and we did pound out a few things that I really wasn't aware I was doing.
You aren't mean, but you may be cranky and snappy due to your illness and aches and pains and NOT know it because you aren't feeling well. When you don't feel well things (for me anyway) seem to be magnified.
You are so mean - can be kidspeak for a number of things - but if you don't know what "YOU ARE MEAN" in their minds means - how can you ever expect to have them change? It's like saying "That's right Wynter - I'm the mean one, I'm the parent, you do what I say and that's the end of that." If your boss was mean and you said that to him - would you want a chance to explain what he could do better or would you want him to look at you and say "Your right employee 112 - and NOW because you think I'm mean I'm going to SHOW you how mean I can be - Mr. Cratchett ONE lump of coal!"
It's gotta work both ways -
As far as refusing medications - WHY? Maybe there can be a compromise between the two of you - I know she has to take her medications, but thsi is like deal or no deal. If she thinks she's changed something about you to her advantage she WINS (ding ding ding) and then YOU say "Okay if I'm going to (this) then our deal will be for YOU to take your medications without question. NO NO NO I am NOT NOT NOT saying that you are mean, that you've ever been mean,you are a darling - really one of the nicest, most soft spoken people I've ever met. If you don't give a child a chance to speak after you've calmed down - how are you ever going to find out how to fix whatever it is that is REALLY bothering her.
I used to take 28 pills a day. I was told without them i would (fill in the blank) my son only took 2 a day and when he refused I hit the roof stating how much misery and joy is was for me to take my 28 a day - and you know what - he really didn't want to hear about me - it was all about HIM. Most teens and tweens - it IS ALL ABOUT THEM.
I'd give her a chance to explain herself before you go jumping on the wagon with the likes of me - and being a real meanie.
Oh and if you choose not to talk to her about what's going on- then I'm putting in a bid for the laptop. lol. AND she had on a really cute shirt in that picture you posted, I'd like that - and didn't you mention she can bake? I'll take her for a weekend, and then I'm sure she has a boom box - I need one. But then this is mean. But I never said I was nice.
Hugs
Star
ps. no she did NOT pay me to say this.