I could just screeeeeeeeeeam

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I went into difficult child's room a bit ago for something....forget now what it was. He has a bunch of stuff taped up on his walls. No biggie....we'll have to redo it anyway before we sell. For some reason, I took a closer look at his decor and discovered......half of one of those page a day calendars that I had bought for the husband of a friend of mine. :919Mad: I had had it put up at one point but remember getting it out to show someone. Guess I forgot to put it up again. You know...if he was little this would be much more understandable. The kid is EIGHTEEN and I can't leave stuff out in MY. OWN. HOUSE!!!!

    So as I'm going around pulling all of these down, I notice a library book from his school on the floor. I picked it up and flipped through it as it was basically a picture book of the Got Milk mustache ads. I then put it down, went back to "recovering" the calendar pages and THEN find two pictures on his wall of models with milk mustaches. :slap: Yep....they were from the book.

    I didn't even bother calling difficult child down from his friend's house....I was (and still am) too mad. I could just beat that boy. I tell you what though, if the school tries to make ME pay for the book, I'm not doing it. As I'm reminded almost hourly, difficult child is 18 now and I'm not responsible. (yeah, I know....probably am but darn it!) Personally, I think they should press charges because I'm just fed up. :capitulate:
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hope he has some money to replace these things. If not, time for a garage sale of items from his room? That's what it took to get the message across to my daughter that what's mine is not necessarily hers and if she breaks it, accidently or no, she will be replacing it one way or another.
     
  3. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    No, actually I don't think you are responsible for paying for the book. He is 18 and at that age they allow them to sign their own notes and such in school (at least the ones I know of).
     
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I feel your pain - I have locks on EVERY door - and even if I just get up from my bedroom to go to the bathroom I have to lock the door or the snoop monster is in there -

    he's quick, lightning fast, doesn't respect any boundaries, takes no blame for things he "borrows", "takes" or "uses" and doesn't care if the whole world knows he has them.

    In his entire life - I have never snooped - but I did try to erase his my space stuff to make MY computer faster and you would have thought I had gone on MY computer with an anal probe the size of a tree trunk. But - when DF turned to him and said "Oh.....so THAT is how it looks when you snoop in our stuff, steal our things, use our possessions, - nice to know." and difficult child actually came to me later and said he didn't mean to freak out - huh- neither do we dear - lol.

    Sorry -

    Hugs
    Star
     
  5. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    My son also takes what he wants from us, but when I threatened to go into his room and take something of his the next time he did it to one of us, he blew sky high because I "threatened to steal his stuff." He honestly doesn't get it that it's stealing when he does it, too, no matter how many times I explain it. :whiteflag:
     
  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I had plans tonight to go see the high school play my brother was in and difficult child was supposed to go with me. He came home before it was time to leave and I confronted him. His "reasoning" was that the calendar was something he did WEEKS ago and shouldn't be punished for. Oh, and he took it because he assumed it was his. I asked him if it had occured to him to actually ASK someone to be sure it was his. "Well, no". I also asked him if anyone had TOLD him it was his. "Wellll, no" But he had done it WEEKS ago and therefore he shouldn't be punished.

    The library book was an old one that they gave away at the school and that's how he got it and why he tore pages out of it. I'll be calling on that one.

    I swear....he's gone quite a long time without messing with anything of substance. I should have known he was about due as he can only restrain or distract himself for so long. I would sell stuff of his to pay for everything but none of his stuff is worth a dime. He's pretty much trashed or "adjusted" everything he owns.
     
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Are you sure my difficult child hasn't moved into your house?

    I feel your pain. Mine "modifies" everything he gets his hands on. So we don't let him get his hands on very much.

    Are there things that your difficult child can do to work off the debt? Or are there things that you would have bought for him that he can forego, in order to pay you back for the destroyed items?

    difficult child's things are usually in such a mangled state that working off debts and foregoing things are the only way we have of making him pay for damages.
     
  8. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Not really. Any chores I could have him do would have to be done during one of his "charitable" moods otherwise there's not point in having him do it. He will purposely do such a bad job that it's just more work after the fact. And trying to make him re-do it is impossible. As for things we may have bought, I don't buy him anything that isn't an absolute necessity anymore. I've wasted enough money over the years on things that just get destroyed, adjusted, traded, given away or simply lost that I don't do it anymore. There's nothing we can really do with him at this point. He's too big to make him do anything and he doesn't have anything to sell or ban.
     
  9. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    hmmm I believe for Seniors they withhold their diploma until they pay their fines, My difficult child I would care less about that, but maybe your's will?
     
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    HEY, HE'S 18!!! You don't even have to buy necessities for him!!!!! That will save some $$$.. Maybe enough to pay off the stuff he steals from you!

    Sorry, but if he is going to play the "I'm 18" card, then hey, he can pay for it too!!

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  11. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I'm screaming along with you! :furious:I just keep thinking there should be some kind of natural consequence for this. Someone on the board once suggested that if you have to pay for something out of your pocket than it's one more thing you won't be able to buy difficult child? My difficult child is also a big sneak and I am afraid to even go into her room to snoop for fear what I might find (yesterday was a cigarette butt in a coffee mug!) At least it was just pictures of got milk chicks and not worse! Good luck - you're not alone!!!!:faint:
    -Dara
     
  12. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Goodness, that is a quandary. Again, I feel your pain. My difficult child is so much like yours in that regard. Destroying things...just rolls off his back. Trying to make him fix, clean or otherwise make up for damages is often more trouble than it's worth. Taking things away...doesn't faze him at all.

    In your other thread you were mentioning that you might be ready for him to move out. Well, if he's not willing to toe the line at home, and there are no other natural consequences that you can impose, then maybe this is the consequence.

    Hugs for your mommy heart, and hope you find the solution that works best for you.

    Trinity
     
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