I dont even know where to start

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Ally, Feb 6, 2007.

  1. Ally

    Ally New Member

    My daughter has been very difficult from day 1 but as she gets older things are a living h***. She was 16 in Oct and has not lived at home since March 20,2006. She has spent approximately 4 months as a runaway, 3 months in foster care, 1 month or so in jail, and currently resides(since Nov) in a program for girls on probation from which she has runaway from twice in the last month, the lastest being picked up yesterday. She has to go back to court on Monday to deal with her 2 latest breaches, which may very well end her back up in jail again.

    At this point in time she is not welcome in my house and is only allowed to make supervised phone calls (as she is so abusive towards me on the phone, is very snide and baits me constantly and Im not putting up with it anymore) from the day program that she is in. She is on probation until the end of July (stealing horses, B&E, shoplifting, many breaches of probation, theft under $5000) and is in this program until the end of May. Unfortunatly she doesnt have anywhere to go when she is released.

    She only phones when she wants something, everything is my fault, never does anything wrong and everyone else is to blame for her demise.

    She makes me CRAZY!! When I think that things are going well they all of a sudden blow up in my face. I dont want to give up on her but its at the point that unless she is willing to make changes there is nothing I or anyone else can do for her. I honestly cant see that happening in the next 10 years. Its going to be a long hard road for her (for all of us) with many failures.

    I try and read here frequently and it gives me peace (maybe not the right word) knowing that I am not the only one that is having huge issues.

    Ally
     
  2. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    You are definately not alone here. We are all in a situation of knowing they will sink or swim, to coin a phrase. I hope she decides to swim and realizes how much her choices will affect her. I am sorry you're going through this. It seems sometimes as if they never learn. I sure hope she does.
     
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    Hi Ally and welcome. The one common thing that most of us share is the inability of our children to accept responsibility for their actions. Most are very immature. For now, can you not accept calls? Maybe a few months without contact would help? I certainly don't offer that as advice, just an idea. My own experience is that you have to sometimes separate emotionally from these kids in order to preserve your own sense of self. It is easy to get sucked into their chaos. Good luck.
     
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Ally, I'm glad you find some comfort reading our stories. Post often! We always have room for one more.

    Suz
     
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Welcome Ally, There are many here who have been in your shoes. This is a great place to come and vent to people who truly understand what you are living with. We hope to see a lot more of you.
     
  6. Sue C

    Sue C Active Member

    Ally, I just wanted to give you a big hug this morning!

    HUGS,
    Sue
     
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Hi and welcome. you are not alone. so many people have kids like this and just dont speak up. last night I noticed a program on MTV called juvie. it showed girls in juvenile detention center who got calls from their mom and all the girl did was yell at the mom on the phone.

    my son was angry a long long time when I sent him thru juvie to a placement for two yrs. he was there from 16 to 18. he was angry even when he got home. he ended up being tossed from my house at 18 til 23. he is good now, loving and apologizes time and again for the troubles he caused.

    when we were in the thick of it, I would never have believed he would be good now.

    pray for your daughter. ask God to put the right people into her life. hand her over to Him and let go. love her, never fight back with her. if she says something mean, tell her you are sorry she is feeling that way but that you still love her. tell her as a parent, you have to do what will keep her from harm and this ia part of that. a hard thing to do, but you love her enough to make her life better.

    read on the lower left side of this website for some helpful tips:

    www.gopsst.org

    janet
    PS it will not always be this way. things can change in time.
     
  8. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    I am in the exact same spot with my 17 yr old daughter...the ladies here have the most incredible advice and support you could ask for....they listen with open hearts and do not judge....

    I echo Janet...it's taken me a couple months to realize that in order for me to survive this chaos so I can raise my other three children I have to disengage....when she does call and it turns into a bash mom session, I just tell her I love her and hang up....can't do any more than that....keep loving but from a distance.

    Hugs,
    Carolanne
     
  9. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Thanks everyone for their imput and support. I try so hard to detach but then I find it catches up with me and I get so angry with her. It kind of comes in waves, sometimes Im ok with what goes on and other times it pi**es me off to no end.

    Today she phones and while she was on her little AWOL over the weekend, she got into a fight, fell down a bank and broke her wrist. I guess the Dr recommended a fiberglass cast at the cost of $40 (of course which she does not have) vs. a plaster cast which is covered and said, Thats ok, my mom will pay for it. I have now called the doctors office and had it put in her chart that if she needs to have it replaced, it is not to be another fiberglass but plaster.

    I feel that she takes full advantage of me. She doesnt want me involved in her life and she wants to do what she pleases but expects me to support her financially. Unfortunately for her, if that is the way she wants to be then she best be finding a job and a way to pay for things as her free ride with me is done.

    Ally
     
  10. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    Hi Ally,

    I saw so much of my difficult child in reading your thread. :frown: Just wanted to send an understanding hug.
     
  11. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Thanks
     
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