I dont know what to do

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rebdahl, Jan 16, 2013.

  1. rebdahl

    rebdahl New Member

    My difficult child was fighting with her dad, they were in the car driving to school, and things escalated, they were both yelling, she told him to shut up and he grabbed her neck and pushed her head down. She started crying and he stopped and apologized. He had a history of being verbally abusive which is why I divorced him but he has really stepped up lately, came to the hospital every day, has been so supportive of her, really calmed her down many times. She was responding and seemed to do really well when she spent time with him. Then this happened. She says she doesn't want to go over there any more. But I am so torn about that.I really need the break from her. It has been so stressful I cannot take much more, I really need that break those 2 nights a week. I just don't know what to do.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, there and welcome to the board. Your ex sounds like a total jerk. How old is your daughter whom he could have injured badly? Why did you take him back?

    Anyone can be nice and supportive for a few days or weeks. His long time behavior in the past is more indicative of who he is than the short period of time he was nice. I agree with your daughter. Don't make her go. He sounds crazy. Any history of hitting you or breaking things or abusing substances?

    I would call social services and look into respite if you need a break. This man does not sound fit to be alone with your child. Please don't force her to go and be careful of being alone with him too. We would have to know more history to help any more than that. You are free to share with us. We have broad shoulders.
  3. rebdahl

    rebdahl New Member

    She will be 18 in a few days. He lives kind of far so he stays at his parents house when he has the girls. difficult child, easy child 15, easy child 8. So there is always two other adults around. Now she is saying she wants to leave but that worries me
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    she's 18, her choice. but if you can call your county mental health services they might be able to refer you to alternatives for breaks. we actually have a few more options for adults around our area. there are drop-in centers and parent care givers can get some services, even money for gas if driving difficult child. depends on the funding source but there are options that we sometimes don't know about. nami could have ideas too.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry.
    I'd get your ex to go to anger mgmt classes. and get on some medications.
    I mean, you divorced him for being verbally abusive, so clearly, he has some issues, but I think that his issues, combined with-a short temper and inability to detach, are things he needs to work on successfully before he can see his daughter again.
    I would find an alternative place for her to go for now. If she doesn't want to go, I don't blame her.
    NAMI is a good idea. I second Buddy's idea.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    My first question is:

    from whom did you hear this story?

    It is hard to picture a physical fight occuring while one person is actually driving - it makes me wonder if the "grabbed her neck and pushed her down" was a reaction to something? Was difficult child being physical at all? Did she do something that would have been dangerous while driving?

    or, was Dad driving...having a conversation....which turned into an argument....and then out of nowhere - he took a hand off the wheel to attack her?

    I think the answers to these questions would determine my course of action. Either Dad reacted physically to a physical situation - or he is a dangerous nutcase.
  7. rebdahl

    rebdahl New Member

    Thanks everyone for the support! easy child 15 yr old said, dad should not have done that but I can see how how he was frustrated bc she was yelling and swearing at him and would not stop. I think he does need medications and anger mgmt. I think he has all the same issues she does: anxiety, depression, maybe even bipolar. MEANWHILE... last night i took pc15 to the ER for stomach pain and vomiting, she ended up having her appendix out! When it rains it pours.
  8. rebdahl

    rebdahl New Member

    What is NAMI?
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    NAMI = National Association on Mental Illness