I thought my parents were starting to grasp how into drugs I was. Today, I kind of approached the idea of rehab with my mom, who wasn't too keen on it. Before my AA meeting, I fessed up that besides just constant K2 and weed (as in, chain smoking it out of a hitter box 12-18 times a day, I had been drinking more days than not again, that I had tried inhaling solvents/paint on a couple of occasion, and that I had been using Nitrous Oxide (laughing gas) again. That I want to go to rehab.
I'll be very honest that it's humiliating wanting rehab and it was hard to even bring that up with my parents, especially since this semester's still underway (though I'm failing my one class HARD) and they're very invested in me finishing this semester. I only fessed up to all that thinking that might help them see the gravity of all this.
After lunch when me and my mom got to the hotel, I was listening to headphones and I heard my mom say "I'll let you tell him" [to my dad on the phone] and I thought maybe they were going to let me get treatment. Instead, my dad wanted to tell me that there were times in high school where I'd tanked half a semester (grade-wise) and then pulled myself out of it and that he thought I could do this and it be a badge of honor.
He meant my one remaining course this semester, a foreign language class that I have an F average in. I handed the phone back and said they have no concept of addiction. I asked my mom if she even told him about the drugs I confessed to and she said yes and was angry that my dad was just trying to encourage me. I'm a guy and failing less hard (I'd have to not go to rehab and probably have to start taking my Adderall** again to even POSSIBLY get a grade good enough to qualify for the next course in the sequence).
I asked my mom if I'd be in rehab right now if I had said heroin or something that (you'd think) they'd take seriously and she said she wasn't sure. I feel humiliated and like I've been slapped in the face. To be fair, my dad knows I'm obsessed with my GPA when I haven't been on a bender for most of the semester so maybe he thought focusing on that was encouraging, but I just feel ignored and now I can tell my mom feels a little as though I'm being a snobby ingrate when my dad was trying to help.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I want to smash my laptop on the ground right now.
** Note on the Adderall: it's not at all a drug of abuse for me at all ironically; I have ADD and hate taking it long term and don't abuse it (psychiatrist said this is common among people, even some addicts, with 'real' ADD and I do have a friend who got into heroin and yet, just like me, doesn't care to take Adderall)
I'll be very honest that it's humiliating wanting rehab and it was hard to even bring that up with my parents, especially since this semester's still underway (though I'm failing my one class HARD) and they're very invested in me finishing this semester. I only fessed up to all that thinking that might help them see the gravity of all this.
After lunch when me and my mom got to the hotel, I was listening to headphones and I heard my mom say "I'll let you tell him" [to my dad on the phone] and I thought maybe they were going to let me get treatment. Instead, my dad wanted to tell me that there were times in high school where I'd tanked half a semester (grade-wise) and then pulled myself out of it and that he thought I could do this and it be a badge of honor.
He meant my one remaining course this semester, a foreign language class that I have an F average in. I handed the phone back and said they have no concept of addiction. I asked my mom if she even told him about the drugs I confessed to and she said yes and was angry that my dad was just trying to encourage me. I'm a guy and failing less hard (I'd have to not go to rehab and probably have to start taking my Adderall** again to even POSSIBLY get a grade good enough to qualify for the next course in the sequence).
I asked my mom if I'd be in rehab right now if I had said heroin or something that (you'd think) they'd take seriously and she said she wasn't sure. I feel humiliated and like I've been slapped in the face. To be fair, my dad knows I'm obsessed with my GPA when I haven't been on a bender for most of the semester so maybe he thought focusing on that was encouraging, but I just feel ignored and now I can tell my mom feels a little as though I'm being a snobby ingrate when my dad was trying to help.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I want to smash my laptop on the ground right now.
** Note on the Adderall: it's not at all a drug of abuse for me at all ironically; I have ADD and hate taking it long term and don't abuse it (psychiatrist said this is common among people, even some addicts, with 'real' ADD and I do have a friend who got into heroin and yet, just like me, doesn't care to take Adderall)