Joyfullyme
New Member
Hi - last night I googled "How to deal with homeless son whose life is full of drama" and found this forum. It led me directly to a thread that was exactly what I needed to read in that very moment. I instantly felt less alone and had just about every feeling and thought I've had the past year validated!
Thank you.
My son has been doing drugs since he was 13. He spent 6 months in jail when he was 17 because he stole a car. We thought that was "rock bottom" and he was made to go to rehab while in jail. He got out and things were good for a few years - he graduated from high school, got a good job that he was really good at and met a nice girl. We figured "phew! He was just experimenting and made some bad choices, but he has outgrown all of that." And then it all changed.
He got back into drugs - hard stuff this time. Lost the nice girl (after 5 years - we loved her so much!), lost the good job and the downward spiral began. More and more drugs, bouncing between living at home and living with women who would put up with him and enable him...until they wouldn't and then he'd end up homeless or back home again. While living with his last girlfriend, he od'd on opiates. He was in a coma for a week and even the doctors were not sure if he would be "all there" when he woke up as he had stopped breathing at some point, kidneys shut down, etc. But he did wake up and we were so grateful and we believed that THAT was rock bottom.
But it wasn't. From the hospital he came back to live with us and we got him into therapy, counseling, etc. The day he got out of the hospital, the police showed up and arrested him. He was charged and a year later convicted with possession and now had a felony on his record. He could not find work, he slept all day, stayed up all night and began using again in our home. We'd wake up in the morning and find him LITERALLY on the floor in the kitchen with his face in the cat dish. He made a million excuses why he could not work - and we felt so awful and blamed ourselves so much for everything that we just continued to support him and enable him and demanded that he stop using - even while we knew he was.
I became depressed. I felt like a prisoner in my own home - it was a nightmare. He briefly moved back in with the girlfriend, and that was a brief respite for about 3 months - until he got violent with her and she pressed charges and he was convicted of assault. He moved back in with us - again. This was the 5th time.
He continued to use drugs - we'd find the bongs, the "whippets", and then we found needles and knew he was back to using heroin. We never had anything missing or stolen but we did find out another woman friend of his was giving him money to buy drugs. I told my husband I could not live like this anymore and it was either HE was going to leave, or I was. We kicked out son out. We gave him 30 minutes to get his things together and leave and I handed him a paper with some phone numbers which he threw away.
The woman friend came by and picked him up.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done - but there was blessed PEACE in the house after that. 2 weeks later he showed up at our door and said he was going to move 3000 miles away. That a family member out there had offered to "help" him get clean. And he left.
That was 3 years ago this September. Nothing has changed. He went from heroin to methadone after being in the hospital AGAIN out there. Almost as soon as he got out there he found a woman and had been living with her and her children, got violent with her, and she finally kicked him out a year ago September and he began living out of a car. The entire 3 years he has been out there he has not had a job. 2 months later (in November 2014), he rolled and totaled the car. At that point he had alienated the entire family out there and they were not even speaking to him. It was cold and it was the holidays and we put him up in a hotel. He has been supported by my husband and I and an uncle now since November - hotels are freaking EXPENSIVE. But he had a million and 1 reasons why he could not work. We bought him a used clunker and within two weeks he had totaled that - so he could not work anymore. Just constant reasons why he could not work, change his life, etc.
He remained on methadone for 2 years - then decided that the people at the clinic who were trying to help him were really just drug dealers themselves, and he just quit. He got very sick (of course!!) and we got very scared. We paid for several more nights in a hotel. We finally told him no more - we can't anymore. He bought a tent and put it up in the woods.
That was Monday. Prior to all of this he had been hanging out with junkies and one particular woman who is a "lady of the night" whom he was "trying to help". He used money we sent him to buy her drugs and we also found out he is using Xanax. He told us his wallet was stolen, but "thank goodness" his ID was in his pocket not his wallet - could we send him some money via Western Union to buy food. We did. $30. This was on Wednesday. Thursday he was robbed by the woman (he kicked her out of the tent so she came back and robbed him). I don't believe his wallet was stolen - but how convenient that he had his ID so he could pick up the money we sent him.
He called me last night, freaking out as he usually does. Everything is a crisis. I told him I felt like he was manipulating me. He began crying (which just reinforced my feeling of being manipulated) and said, "omg - I can't deal with this" and hung up on me.
I just thought this is INSANE. I have been trying so hard to create a joyful life for myself. I have HAD it. That is when I googled and found this board. I read a thread that was full of moms, just like me, going through almost the exact same thing - and decided to take action.
I found all the services for housing/shelter, food, jobs and mental health right there in the area he is and texted him the addresses and phone numbers. I told him to not contact me again until he was getting the help he needed and in the programs he needed to be in.
Now, I just wait for the s*it storm - and I KNOW it will come. I'm so grateful to be here where I hope I can get the support I need to BE STRONG and not give into the crazy fear that he will die or disappear or all the other crazy fears that assail me! I am reading, praying, have an awesome support system here - but to be able to talk to other moms and share the journey is so helpful!
Thank you!
Thank you.
My son has been doing drugs since he was 13. He spent 6 months in jail when he was 17 because he stole a car. We thought that was "rock bottom" and he was made to go to rehab while in jail. He got out and things were good for a few years - he graduated from high school, got a good job that he was really good at and met a nice girl. We figured "phew! He was just experimenting and made some bad choices, but he has outgrown all of that." And then it all changed.
He got back into drugs - hard stuff this time. Lost the nice girl (after 5 years - we loved her so much!), lost the good job and the downward spiral began. More and more drugs, bouncing between living at home and living with women who would put up with him and enable him...until they wouldn't and then he'd end up homeless or back home again. While living with his last girlfriend, he od'd on opiates. He was in a coma for a week and even the doctors were not sure if he would be "all there" when he woke up as he had stopped breathing at some point, kidneys shut down, etc. But he did wake up and we were so grateful and we believed that THAT was rock bottom.
But it wasn't. From the hospital he came back to live with us and we got him into therapy, counseling, etc. The day he got out of the hospital, the police showed up and arrested him. He was charged and a year later convicted with possession and now had a felony on his record. He could not find work, he slept all day, stayed up all night and began using again in our home. We'd wake up in the morning and find him LITERALLY on the floor in the kitchen with his face in the cat dish. He made a million excuses why he could not work - and we felt so awful and blamed ourselves so much for everything that we just continued to support him and enable him and demanded that he stop using - even while we knew he was.
I became depressed. I felt like a prisoner in my own home - it was a nightmare. He briefly moved back in with the girlfriend, and that was a brief respite for about 3 months - until he got violent with her and she pressed charges and he was convicted of assault. He moved back in with us - again. This was the 5th time.
He continued to use drugs - we'd find the bongs, the "whippets", and then we found needles and knew he was back to using heroin. We never had anything missing or stolen but we did find out another woman friend of his was giving him money to buy drugs. I told my husband I could not live like this anymore and it was either HE was going to leave, or I was. We kicked out son out. We gave him 30 minutes to get his things together and leave and I handed him a paper with some phone numbers which he threw away.
The woman friend came by and picked him up.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done - but there was blessed PEACE in the house after that. 2 weeks later he showed up at our door and said he was going to move 3000 miles away. That a family member out there had offered to "help" him get clean. And he left.
That was 3 years ago this September. Nothing has changed. He went from heroin to methadone after being in the hospital AGAIN out there. Almost as soon as he got out there he found a woman and had been living with her and her children, got violent with her, and she finally kicked him out a year ago September and he began living out of a car. The entire 3 years he has been out there he has not had a job. 2 months later (in November 2014), he rolled and totaled the car. At that point he had alienated the entire family out there and they were not even speaking to him. It was cold and it was the holidays and we put him up in a hotel. He has been supported by my husband and I and an uncle now since November - hotels are freaking EXPENSIVE. But he had a million and 1 reasons why he could not work. We bought him a used clunker and within two weeks he had totaled that - so he could not work anymore. Just constant reasons why he could not work, change his life, etc.
He remained on methadone for 2 years - then decided that the people at the clinic who were trying to help him were really just drug dealers themselves, and he just quit. He got very sick (of course!!) and we got very scared. We paid for several more nights in a hotel. We finally told him no more - we can't anymore. He bought a tent and put it up in the woods.
That was Monday. Prior to all of this he had been hanging out with junkies and one particular woman who is a "lady of the night" whom he was "trying to help". He used money we sent him to buy her drugs and we also found out he is using Xanax. He told us his wallet was stolen, but "thank goodness" his ID was in his pocket not his wallet - could we send him some money via Western Union to buy food. We did. $30. This was on Wednesday. Thursday he was robbed by the woman (he kicked her out of the tent so she came back and robbed him). I don't believe his wallet was stolen - but how convenient that he had his ID so he could pick up the money we sent him.
He called me last night, freaking out as he usually does. Everything is a crisis. I told him I felt like he was manipulating me. He began crying (which just reinforced my feeling of being manipulated) and said, "omg - I can't deal with this" and hung up on me.
I just thought this is INSANE. I have been trying so hard to create a joyful life for myself. I have HAD it. That is when I googled and found this board. I read a thread that was full of moms, just like me, going through almost the exact same thing - and decided to take action.
I found all the services for housing/shelter, food, jobs and mental health right there in the area he is and texted him the addresses and phone numbers. I told him to not contact me again until he was getting the help he needed and in the programs he needed to be in.
Now, I just wait for the s*it storm - and I KNOW it will come. I'm so grateful to be here where I hope I can get the support I need to BE STRONG and not give into the crazy fear that he will die or disappear or all the other crazy fears that assail me! I am reading, praying, have an awesome support system here - but to be able to talk to other moms and share the journey is so helpful!
Thank you!