I just need to explain...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Mominator, Feb 1, 2016.

  1. Mominator

    Mominator Member

    I know no one can really do anything about it, but I'm feeling very down right now and just need to update my story.

    Friday afternoon I took my son1 to see his therapist. On the way he started talking about some of his friends who cut themselves. Of course my red flag goes up, but I have to be careful what I say. Son1 is deemed high functioning autism (now that there no longer is an Asperger's diagnosis), but he has more than that. For what ever reason, he is extremely suggestable. So I can't make a big deal out of cutting or he will end up cutting himself. I asked him if he knows why some kids cut themselves and he said one of the kids says it's "to know I'm still human" and the other kid says it's the reaction he gets from his family and friends. We go in and talk to the therapist and I find out son1 has taken the razor I use to scrape my granite counter tops and hidden it in his room. He says it's somewhere in his clothes or his bed linens or a clear plastic container...basically he says he can't remember where it is. Which tells me a couple things 1) he wants to see my reaction and watch me look for it 2) he didn't really put the razor in his room (because he often lives in a fantasy world and gets the 2 worlds confused sometimes) or 3) he really hid the razor and truly doesn't know where he put it. At any rate, he continues on to say he is thinking about suicide and says he tried to hang himself a few weeks prior to this. Then he breaks down and starts crying hysterically that the voices in his head are relentless and won't leave him alone. He's been seeing and hearing things that aren't there for several years. He's seen multiple psychiatrists and just last week had an EEG because his pediatrician was concerned it was neurological. The EEG came back normal. Soooo, I took him to the hospital where we waited for about 8 hours before he was admitted into and transported to the psychiatric hospital. Which I know he needs so I explained everything to son1 and signed all the paperwork. However 24 hours later I find out the average stay is 7 - 10 days and for some reason that is really knocking my emotions for a spin. Instead of calling the insurance companies I'm typing here.

    Thing is my son is worried he will inherit the bio family problems with bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. Just a couple days before I had to take him to the doctor son1 told husband he would end up in the mental hospital because son1 has a biological uncle who is institutionalized. I was the one who took him to the hospital while dad had the other children at home so it was me that experienced the son1's fear of being institutionalized and the tears, sobs and hysterical laughing over the irony of the situation.

    I'm not feeling guilty for having taken him to the hospital. Actually I'm grateful he's there because my husband and I have always believed son1 would get more help if he could be observed for a longer period of time.

    I think my feelings are coming mostly because not one single one of my 5 children seems to be going to have a "normal" life. Daughter1 is gay with commitment issues, daughter2 is narcissistic, unhappy and annoyed by 98% of the people of the world- including husband and I, who by the way are the #1 cause of all her problems, son1 might be bipolar? schizophrenic? on top of autism, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), etc., son2 has been out of the house for 23 months now and is only 13 because he has anger problems and disassociates to the point his therapist is having trouble reaching him and he can't come home until he meets certain therapeutic milestones, and finally, daughter 3, at the age of 10 has finally convinced me she was meant to be a boy and wants to change her name and make that transition at school right now. My husband is depressed but won't see a therapist or doctor about it and I'm having a major fibromyalgia flare up right now.

    Anyways...Thank you to anyone who reads this for taking the time.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Mom. First, how hard!!

    Second, I feel at a loss because you do not put ages down and that makes a difference (or I did not see. If so, sorry.)
    You did exactly the right thing in your response.

    This all needs to be sorted out by professionals. He needs to be contained so that he can be stabilized and a treatment plan formulated. All of this is good.
    You are now, for the first time, I would think, at the point where good options can be identified.

    There are all kinds of medications and treatments that can be effective and helpful, potentially.

    I would not, right now, consider what the implications are for either this son, or any of the other kids, or the family in general. You are in shock. All of this has been a terrible stress. I would try to do as much as you can to be kind and gentle with yourself.

    Some of us are in your same situation. With all of our kids or our only child facing multiple diagnoses and challenges. It is one step at a time and dealing with things as they come. To immerse yourself in the implications for the future is to suffer needlessly.

    None of us knows the future. The future is just a series of present-times. The challenge in this moment is to choose to be kind to yourself and responsible to your family.

    If there was ever a time to take seriously, the saying, one day at a time, it is now.

    Take care. Keep posting. I wish this was not happening to you or to any of us. You are not alone. It is not your fault, none of it.

  3. Mominator

    Mominator Member

    Thank you COPA
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Oh my. Just the fact that you are typing on this forum means you are coping better than the majority of us would be capable of! I wish I had advice or something to offer. Just know that I heard you and will keep you in my prayers. Come back and post when you can. KSM
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  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with KSM. Every step you have made seems like the right one. You responded exactly correctly, swiftly and responsibly. Now is the time to give yourself a break.

  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So glad you decided to take him to the hospital. It also gives you a small bit of time to regroup. I'm sorry things are such a struggle but agree you are taking the right steps. Sending gentle hugs your way.
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  7. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Mominator, I have read your post and just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything you have been through.
    I am amazed by your tenacity and strength. You are most certainly a "Mominator".
    I hope you are able to take some time for yourself, even if it is a little break. You so deserve it.
    I am sorry I cannot offer you advice, but please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  8. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. Schizophrenia also runs in my family...2 sisters and my eldest son.

    It is good news that he is receiving treatment and tests. He seems like he is willing to see a therapist. That is a HUGE positive piece of the puzzle.

    Often, people do not get better because they refuse treatment, my son included.

    They have done a lot of research to help people who hear voices. Cognitive behavior therapy is excellent for this. They are taught strategies to cope with them. They learn how to discern what their voices say as not being the truth and how to ignore them. Medicine can tone them down.

    My sister, when I was growing up, had 2 voices, one mean and one nice. My son had several voices that would tear him down. Voices feel very real and unfortunately do torment people.

    You are very fortunate that he is open about it and talks to you.

    Hang in there. You are doing a good job. Treat yourself with extreme kindness. Find a support group, read, or go to a therapist...as well as, continuing posting. All are very beneficial. Take care.

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone.
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  9. Mominator

    Mominator Member

    Thank you COPA, KSM, Wiped Out, New Leaf, and Feeling Sad. I appreciate all your kind words and especially for reaching out. I am feeling better on the inside (emotionally) today than I was yesterday. My brain and body are exhausted but I'm taking small naps and trying my best to keep up with my duties to family.

    Feeling Sad, I do see a therapist. Actually all of my kids and I do. The only one who doesn't is my husband. I'm very thankful for my therapist, she treats me in her office and prays for me outside her office. :)

    Part of my problem I think is I don't really have a close support system to share this with. All of my family, (with the exception of my 87 year old step father who lives 10 minutes away) lives across the country from me. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers who are aware of some of our difficulties with the kids but they are so far away and often it is months between the times we talk that I have no support system. I don't really have friends because I've immersed myself in my kids and their problems. Then of course there are my own health issues. During the day I feel like I'm the sole inhabitant on an island just a little too far off the coast that I can't swim to shore (and who has that energy anyways). I'm lonely during the day with too much time on my hands to think. Then in the evening all of my "problems" arrive on my island where I'm trapped until I go to bed.

    Yesterday I was sad and crying. Today I'm just having a pity party... Tomorrow will be a new and better day.
  10. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    We are on our islands too dear (well I literally am, Oahu, that is.) All of my family lives far away, and my mom and sibs don't want to "swim" with me in my sea of troubles, can't say I blame them.
    You are here now, please continue to post and share.
    We are the coffee time where you can be open and honest, the journal that responds back, there is nothing we haven't heard.
    Hugs for your hurting heart.
    You are here now with us and we will hold your hand.
    You are not alone.
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  11. Mominator

    Mominator Member

    New Leaf, thank you. I love what you said and feel comforted by the visual image your words bring to me.