Well, as far as stuff, I will relay what has happened with my mother so far.
She would not part with my step-father's stuff and give it to his kids until he had been dead 30 years. (They had been married about 5 years when he died. He had 6 kids.) She still has a couple of things that she claims he gave to her. One was a trunk made by one of his son's in high school that my step-father had because the son had asked his dad to keep it for him until he had a place of his own and room for it. My mom likes it because it is cedar and she stores things in it.
Now, about 5-7 years ago I asked my aunt and uncle (who live a couple of states away) to meet difficult child and me for a few days of vacation and they agreed. I was going to rent a place and planned for me and difficult child to stay all week and it would be about half-way between where they live and we live.
Then, I get a call from my mom saying she had talked to her sister (this particular aunt) and they had decided to come to her house instead so difficult child and I could come there, too, instead of renting a place for that week. I did not want to do this because it was not as convenient, it meant the whole vacation was with family, and because every time different "parts" of the family get together at once with my mom or bro involved, there is conflict or at least tension. But my mom said that I had to if I was going to get stuff she had been saving for me from her and my dad's marriage and the one thing I wanted from my step-dad. These are somewhat valuable, but more importantly, they have great sentimental value to me. They include a painting my step-dad did while I stood over his shoulder night after night and watched, the china from my mom and dad's wedding that I had hoped to pass down to difficult child and his wife someday (my bro is not a product of that marriage and will never have a legal marriage or child so I figured it would not be an issue), and family photos. My mom told me that she knew I wanted those things and I could tag whatever else I wanted because she was getting ready to sell a bunch of stuff and move out of state. And she said that she and her friend would rent a truck and bring the stuff to me during the course of moving if I would come down then and tag it.
So, we all changed our plans and the night I got to my mom's with difficult child, she has my aunt and uncle with her at her friend's house next door. She told me to stay at her house and she would be over soon. I don't recall who came over first- my aunt or my mom but while I was waiting and unpacking, I gave difficult child a snack and drank a beer. The short of what I was told by my mom is that she had decided not to part with those things yet and did not feel she owed me anything. The message from my aunt was that I should build my own life and stop expecting my mom to provide for me and give me her stuff- that I should get my own and quit drinking all the time and that my mom's stuff was hers, not mine. Now, I had not even seen my aunt in about 2-3 years.
Needless to say, I was livid at my mom which was detected by everyone even though I tried hard to keep my cool and not do anything rash like pack up and come straight back home. It was clear to me that my mom had gotten my aunt there to tell her carp to have my aunt back her up and my mom truly cannot seem to stand it if she thinks anyone in the family is getting along with me. My aunt and I had been getting along- we had been writing and we had both agreed to get together so she and I could talk more and my uncle and difficult child could fish and spend time together.
Did any of that happen? NO. The only thing my mom said I could take back with me was the painting, which would not fit in my car so I couldn't bring it back. Was anything brought to me? NO. Up until last Sunday, she said she was still saving these things for me. Am I holding my breathe? NO.
And, also, last Sunday she said not only was I keeping difficult child from her, but I was keeping him from my aunt and uncle, too. Really? They no longer have interest in seeing me and have never asked for difficult child to visit them- although I understand that due to their health and age. And my mom seems to have conveniently forgotten the previous years she has spent asking me why I would want to spend time around them since they became almost fanatically involved in their church as they aged. Which is why, I'm sure, that my mom lead them to believe that I sit around drinking all the time.
Anyway, last month my mom emails out of the blue and tells me my aunt and uncle were coming to visit her. This is after years of bad-mouthing them, avoiding speaking and so forth claiming they were too fanatical for her. OK, she asked if I wanted to come and visit while they were there. I said no, I could not make it. (I have vowed NEVER to be around my mother and another family member at the same time again.) I assumed that my aunt and uncle didn't care to visit me anyway since I haven't heard from them in 2-3 years at all and it could have broken up their long trip to stay a couple of nights with me on the way to or from my mom's- but they didn't write or call or anything.
My guess is that my mom made effort to get back on their good side because she decided to re-write her will and is probably portraying me as her enemy again and now my aunt/uncle are her "blessed ones". Never mind that last August while difficult child and I were visiting my mom, my mom made issue to show me where all her paperwork, jewelry, etc was in her house in case something happened to her and reiterated that she was going to update her will and I would remain executor so prepare myself.
That's my long-winded way of saying that I wouldn't stake anything in what my mother says- and wouldn't bother trying to go get anything at this point. The last I heard, the china is stored in some boxes but she isn't sure which ones (it might have been sent back with my aunt and uncle), the painting is hanging on her wall, and the family photos- she said she went thru a lot of photos because she had so many and asked if I wanted some photos of difficult child back. (This is the same woman who says she loves her grandson so much and wishes she had more of a relationship with him.)
fine daughter. 
