I have a 23 year old son who for the past 3 years has caused mayhem in our home. Drinking , drugs , verbal abuse , disrespect , disregarding rules , the list is endless . For the 3rd time in a year I told him to leave and each time he has refused to and been verbally abusive .All 3 times have ended in me ringing the police.. it’s always over being intoxicated or on drugs and kicking off in our home. 2 weeks I had enough. He brought mates over to the house for a bit of a party without asking me. But he knew the rules were no one allowed in house drinking. I told them to leave and all hell broke out. He called me for everything. The names were appalling , of course he was drunk but no excuse in my eyes. One hour later he brings his mates back with more drink . At this stage I was out and I get a phone call from my 18 year old daughter to say he’s back in house with so called mates. To cut a long story short I rushed home but I’m meantime they had been fighting with our neighbour over the noise and foul language. When I got home he started again , calling me obscenities . I told him that was the last time I would take his abuse.and that he had to go and couldn’t live in our home anymore. The next morning he tries to kick my doors and windows on so I rang the police to tell him to go.may I add at this point that my husband , his stepdad of 20 years walked out prior to this be side he literally couldn’t take it anymore . The guilt I feel is horrendous . Please can people advise me xx
Needing support
- Thread starter Katie888
- Start date
Katie, so sorry you are going through this. 23 is young but old enough to wreck havoc as you well know. It sounds like he has taken over. It's not a good situation for you and also your daughter. Do you have other children in the house too?
I had to have my son removed from my home years ago and it was terrible. I think it was worse on me than it was on him. And he just had to go live somewhere else. My son was going to be in control here and do whatever he wanted and that was that, there was no reasoning with him.
Does he work or go to college at all? Does he have a male roll model in his life?
I had to have my son removed from my home years ago and it was terrible. I think it was worse on me than it was on him. And he just had to go live somewhere else. My son was going to be in control here and do whatever he wanted and that was that, there was no reasoning with him.
Does he work or go to college at all? Does he have a male roll model in his life?
He has a fantastic job but hasn’t been for over a month . It depends on his lifestyle whether he goes or not. He lost his license for drink / drugs and he’s really on self destruct mode . My husband was his role model and he tried so hard to sway him on to the right path to no avail
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
I think he should consider himself lucky he was not jailed for this.
For what? You are his mother. You are deserving of protection and respect. There is no justification to submit yourself and your home and family to be overrun and trashed. Not only did he do this, he directly and purposely disregarded clear rules. How is he and he alone not responsible for any and all repercussions? The guilt is his. Not yours. Nobody could and should tolerate this behavior.
I agree one hundred percent with Deni. If he wants to live this way let him live 100 percent on his own dime, and under his own roof. It is time.
It's hard to believe he could maintain a job without going for a month. That testifies to his capacity and potential.
He, not you, is responsible for the kind of person he is, and the kind of life he has. This is a very, very hard reality for mothers to accept when our children's values and conduct do not adhere to our own and what we had hoped for them. No matter how much we suffer for them, and at their hands it will not change reality. He is choosing with his feet, the kind of life he wants. The consequences are his to bear, not yours. I wish it were different. It is not. He may change, but his life is no longer in your hands. It's in his. That is reality. I wish it wasn't.
If you stay here on this forum for a while you will see that all of us have lived a version of your story. Each of us could not bear facing the reality that our children were dominating our homes and lives, and that we had to face making hard decisions. Nothing about your situation is easy. You will suffer coming and going. But there is no other way except to face the reality that your child is acting unbearably and to continue tolerating it, hurts everybody in the family especially your son.
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