I May Kill Her Yet

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by meowbunny, Sep 15, 2007.

  1. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Okay, I know I'm lucky -- she's not into drugs, she's not promiscuous by today's standards but ............ I understand that moving is stressful but .............

    I am sick of the attitude, the blame game, the general meanness.

    She yelled at me because I used "her" bathroom. This house has 2 bathrooms. The catbox is in my linen closet which means the door has to be open at all times. There is sand on the floor. The catbox is her responsibility. So, I used "her" bathroom. Tried to explain this is not the old house and she needs to come up with a very different attitude about this one or she will be using a bathroom at the local gas station.

    Lately it really has been that if she doesn't get her way, she has an adult version of a temper tantrum. She gets snide, makes nasty comments, etc. Prime example was that she wanted to use my card reader to download something from her phone. Fine, I showed her where it was. "You have to show me how to use it," said in very nasty tone. I nicely told her. Then came the slamming of the card reader onto the dresser. A stomping out of my bedroom. A snarl as she came back and then an even bigger temper tantrum when she discovered her card did not fit this reader. Told her I was sorry it didn't work. "You should be. Why didn't you buy the right kind?" I did -- for my camera, not her phone.

    I am truly sick of this. I am getting tired of being treated like dirt when things don't go her way. If she is getting her way, she is a truly awesome person. If not, they don't get much nastier or viler. I'll mention it, she'll glare at me. An hour or two later, I'll get an apology with a comment that she has no idea why she is behaving the way she is. Quite frankly, I don't care why, I just want it to STOP!

    I can't make everything go her way. I refuse to make everything better at my expense. I'll happily supply her her basics for now but beyond that, it is her responsibility and she needs to find a way to resolve the problem, not me.

    Yes, she has a problem in finding a job but that's her problem and responsibility (not my fault her purse is in California and she's not). She needs to find a way to get her friend to mail it or find a way to get the necessary documents to get new id. I refuse to help her and, if she keeps it up, I'll refuse to fund it as well.

    Not sure anyone has any solution, but I needed to vent. Thanks for getting through this.
  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    New place, new rules?

    Time to lay down the law. You are an adult, and even though she technically is too, she has no right to speak to her mother like that. She can have consequences too. Age appropriate of course. There is a time for you both to be friends (on Bourbon St) and there is a time for her to respect you because she you are her mother (pretty much the rest of the time. Especially being that she is living under your roof).

    She has no dopey friends to go running with, so she pretty much has no choice. Be firm with her.
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Oh gosh, she sounds like my 13 year old! I wish I had some good advice, but I'm right there with you. Sometimes, he's so nice even though he just called me an idiot 5 minutes before that. (Today as I'm making and serving him his chicken quesadilla for lunch-he didn't want more and I was an idiot for not knowing that!) I think the more we do, the more they expect. Here is a funny one: My friends daughter worked in a deli and my friend asked her D to bring home pre-made salad thing after work. My friend was home. The D said, "I don't feel like it, you have to come and get it". Nice, huh? You're right for not helping her, she's a big girl. If she wants money, she'll do what she has to.-Alyssa
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I tried to answer a while ago but got interrupted.

    Nichole has been testing out attitude and nastiness since she turned 18. Most especially recently. I think she's been more than startled by the response of the family. Around here once the 18th birthday arrives you're expected to act like the adult you are.

    Just yesterday she had one of those flip of the switch mood things she does. Sunk her claws into Darrin for getting in her way when she'd ran into him. easy child went into Mamma Bear mode and her fangs came out. (rare for her) Nichole shot back with both attitude and nastiness. And I gave it right back to her. Tit for tat. Just as nasty as she gave. (just more controlled)

    Nichole looked shocked. Then shut up and sulked.

    A few mins later Nichole was fine and life went on as usual. But the message was clear. Mood shifts are all fine and dandy. Behavior, on the other hand, had better be controlled in an adult fashion no less will be tolerated. This is most especially true when children are present.

    My youngest is in the process of having her attitude readjusted. Behaviors and such that were tolerated somewhat (even those that were punished) while she was still a child living here will NOT be tolerated now that she is an adult living here. Once that 18th birthday rolled around her right to live here disappeared forever and became a Privilege. A privilege that can stop any time we her parents wish it to.

    I've seen more startled and shocked expressions on her face since June than in her whole 18 years. lol

    difficult child is an adult. You are not obliged to help her in any way shape or form. And I'd be awfully hard pressed to do any helping with anything while she is treating you like dirt.

    My mother is fond of saying we take family for granted and should treat them like we would good friends. Yeah, probably not a bad idea. Cuz if a "good friend" treated me like dirt I sure as heck wouldn't put up with it. lol

  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I finally had had enough today. Gave her a choice -- either she starts treating me with some respect or she can find a new place to live. For now, she's being extra nice. She is on serious notice that I flat out won't tolerate one more nastiness. I've truly had it. For her sake, I hope she doesn't blow it.
  6. Jen

    Jen New Member

    Lets all find a common place for our adult kids (lol) to go to, and let them all work together to solve their problems.

  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I think she is struggling with having new surroundings and it is coming off as being tense and irritable.

    I am glad you told her you wont take it. no tippie toeing around..after all it is all new to you too.