Please understand this is my first time here. I hope I'm doing this right.
I have 1 difficult child 11 y.o. CD/ADHD he is on 40mg Ritalin LA. We have tried Concerta, Stratera, Anti-Depressants and anti-psychotics.
We adopted him when he was one month away from 6. The first 6 months was wonderful. The last 4 1/2 years have been hell. I'm at my end. My husband was at his end a year ago and wanted to give him back to the state.
My difficult child has been kicked out of every local daycare. He would have been kicked out of school except for his IEP. About 6 months ago he was released from a 6 month program at a day treatment facility. We have seen 5 different P-DR's and they have all given him different diagnosis. We have also tried neuro feedback. We have in-home therapy once a week. We are holding him back for 5th grade again this year. I have found a new school with a staff that says they are willing to work with us. But I'm worried sick that he will act up again. It has come to the point that everyone including his therapist is telling us that we need to start checking into 24 hour care (boys ranch/returning him to the state). Earlier this year I quit my job because the constant phone calls from school and daycare, along with the appointments with doctors and therapists and missing work because I had no one that would watch my difficult child became more than both my employer and I could handle.
This summer has been hard. I'm at the end of my rope. I have lost all hope and my heart is breaking. My husband is so worried about my mental and physical health that he says one more issue and the difficult child is gone. My husband gave up on our difficult child awhile ago. It is almost as if he has mourned the loss of a child and views this little boy as an outsider. They never really bonded. My husband would be fine if it was back to being just the two of us. I feel horrible for saying this but, more and more I wish that too. But then I feel like a dirt bag that started out to do something good and messed it all up. We took this unwanted child into our home for 5 years. Loved him no matter what he did. Got him all the help we could find, and he still has no connection with us. He has no bond, or love or caring. He maculates every situation. He is sweet kind and loving to other adults, gets them to pay attention to him and lures them in, and then he tells half truths about my husband and I leaving them to think we abuse him. Then after they spend time with him his act wears off and they come back to us and tell us what happened and they can't believe they thought so badly of us. He has no remorse no guilt and knows every button to push. Recently he has been making him self throw up and has learned how to pick his nose just right to make it bleed like a fountain. He did this on the way to his friends house and played into it to make his friends parents think we hit him and gave him a bloody nose. He acted like that was what happened with out actually saying the words. I'm afraid of what my child can do. I feel guilty for even thinking about putting him in a boys ranch or turning him back into the state. But I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
All of our close friends and family have seen our difficult child at his worst. They all say he needs to be placed in a 24/7 treatment facility. They have all but asked us not to bring him with us to family get togethers. The problem with that is we don't have anyone that will watch him for us. I have no breaks. No one that can even watch him for a couple of hours. Its because he does what he wants to do when and how he wants to do it. If he is forced to do something he doesn't want to do, something of great value will be "accidentally" broken or damaged beyond repair, or he will "accidentally" hurt him self.. I.E. trip and fall down the stairs, run into a door and say he didn't see it, hit his head on the counter saying that he bent over and didn't realize the counter was there. He has given himself several black eyes and bloody noses doing these things.
He rages just to the point when I'm ready to take him to the hospital then can calm him self down in a split second and say "mommy, I love you, I'm sorry". But the words are empty and only a manipulation. Because, about the time I calm down he is back to doing what he wants and I'm stuck with having to make him do what I told him to do in the first place that started the rage. (I have gone ahead and taken him anyway. Only to be turned down because he was in complete control by the time we got there)
My difficult child has got my number, he knows how far to take it. He knows all the right words to say to the therapists. 6 months in day treatment and he had them eating out of his hand. Telling me they didn't think he needed to be there from day one.
I guess I just need to vent and get support. I need to know that I'm not alone. My heart is breaking, my husband has given up and only interacts with our difficult child at dinner time or when he sees that I'm at my end then he will step in and talk to our difficult child about his behavior, because he doesn't know what else to do to help the situation. He has tried to spend one on one time with our difficult child, but most of those outings turned out to be nightmares.
I'm sorry for the book I wrote. I just had to get it all out.
Thanks,
Jen
I have 1 difficult child 11 y.o. CD/ADHD he is on 40mg Ritalin LA. We have tried Concerta, Stratera, Anti-Depressants and anti-psychotics.
We adopted him when he was one month away from 6. The first 6 months was wonderful. The last 4 1/2 years have been hell. I'm at my end. My husband was at his end a year ago and wanted to give him back to the state.
My difficult child has been kicked out of every local daycare. He would have been kicked out of school except for his IEP. About 6 months ago he was released from a 6 month program at a day treatment facility. We have seen 5 different P-DR's and they have all given him different diagnosis. We have also tried neuro feedback. We have in-home therapy once a week. We are holding him back for 5th grade again this year. I have found a new school with a staff that says they are willing to work with us. But I'm worried sick that he will act up again. It has come to the point that everyone including his therapist is telling us that we need to start checking into 24 hour care (boys ranch/returning him to the state). Earlier this year I quit my job because the constant phone calls from school and daycare, along with the appointments with doctors and therapists and missing work because I had no one that would watch my difficult child became more than both my employer and I could handle.
This summer has been hard. I'm at the end of my rope. I have lost all hope and my heart is breaking. My husband is so worried about my mental and physical health that he says one more issue and the difficult child is gone. My husband gave up on our difficult child awhile ago. It is almost as if he has mourned the loss of a child and views this little boy as an outsider. They never really bonded. My husband would be fine if it was back to being just the two of us. I feel horrible for saying this but, more and more I wish that too. But then I feel like a dirt bag that started out to do something good and messed it all up. We took this unwanted child into our home for 5 years. Loved him no matter what he did. Got him all the help we could find, and he still has no connection with us. He has no bond, or love or caring. He maculates every situation. He is sweet kind and loving to other adults, gets them to pay attention to him and lures them in, and then he tells half truths about my husband and I leaving them to think we abuse him. Then after they spend time with him his act wears off and they come back to us and tell us what happened and they can't believe they thought so badly of us. He has no remorse no guilt and knows every button to push. Recently he has been making him self throw up and has learned how to pick his nose just right to make it bleed like a fountain. He did this on the way to his friends house and played into it to make his friends parents think we hit him and gave him a bloody nose. He acted like that was what happened with out actually saying the words. I'm afraid of what my child can do. I feel guilty for even thinking about putting him in a boys ranch or turning him back into the state. But I honestly don't know how much more I can take.
All of our close friends and family have seen our difficult child at his worst. They all say he needs to be placed in a 24/7 treatment facility. They have all but asked us not to bring him with us to family get togethers. The problem with that is we don't have anyone that will watch him for us. I have no breaks. No one that can even watch him for a couple of hours. Its because he does what he wants to do when and how he wants to do it. If he is forced to do something he doesn't want to do, something of great value will be "accidentally" broken or damaged beyond repair, or he will "accidentally" hurt him self.. I.E. trip and fall down the stairs, run into a door and say he didn't see it, hit his head on the counter saying that he bent over and didn't realize the counter was there. He has given himself several black eyes and bloody noses doing these things.
He rages just to the point when I'm ready to take him to the hospital then can calm him self down in a split second and say "mommy, I love you, I'm sorry". But the words are empty and only a manipulation. Because, about the time I calm down he is back to doing what he wants and I'm stuck with having to make him do what I told him to do in the first place that started the rage. (I have gone ahead and taken him anyway. Only to be turned down because he was in complete control by the time we got there)
My difficult child has got my number, he knows how far to take it. He knows all the right words to say to the therapists. 6 months in day treatment and he had them eating out of his hand. Telling me they didn't think he needed to be there from day one.
I guess I just need to vent and get support. I need to know that I'm not alone. My heart is breaking, my husband has given up and only interacts with our difficult child at dinner time or when he sees that I'm at my end then he will step in and talk to our difficult child about his behavior, because he doesn't know what else to do to help the situation. He has tried to spend one on one time with our difficult child, but most of those outings turned out to be nightmares.
I'm sorry for the book I wrote. I just had to get it all out.
Thanks,
Jen