Hi there. I am a single mom and I have a son with a brain injury too. he is 14, 8th grade and quite delayed. He is autistic as well and he too has behaviors at school. I get called nearly daily and have to go to school often. It seems that schools do well on many things (if they are good schools) but one of the poorest trained areas of special education is brain injury. These kids are very very different than adhd, Learning Disability (LD), EBD, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), etc. May I ask, Is your son's primary disability area OHI for the ADD or is it Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I think if you can make his primary disability Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) with ADD as a secondary it may help some in the district psychologically speaking. It is not that services will change but it may make them remember to pull in the district Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) experts every single time there is an issue. Did he have adhd before the accident? Different people act as Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) specialists in districts. Often it is psychologist or speech language pathologist. Does he have speech lang. on his IEP.? It could be a related service if he has any social communication issues such as not interpreting subtle social cues (including someone's warped sense of humor).
Does he have a behavior plan. The mandate is that if there is any concern for a child who has repetitive behavior issues and especially if he has or appears to be in need of special education services, that they need to do a functional behavior assessment in order to work on behaviors in a positive way instead of through punishment. It is called an FBA and you can request it. The plan written is called different things in different places but will be something like a PBIP or BIP meaning Positive Behavior Intervention Plan. The idea is to identify behaviors very specifically, what is motivating the behaviors (fatigue, medications, escaping hard work, headaches, anger with teacher, bright lights, communication skill deficits, attention seeking (warning, attention seeking and such words are often erroneously assumed to be causes, along with defiant, blah bah blah). Then to arrange his environment to help to ovecome the issues. If he needs to learn tools to work through things, then they need to be taught, if he needs rewards for accomplishing things then they do it, etc. If at any time the plan doesn't work then they need to figure out why not just go back to punishment. If you already have one, then it is time to do a new one or add to it for these behaviors that he is struggling with. Just MHO.
I really understand how frustrating it is that people do not understand the inability/inconsistency of a person with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) to be flexible at times, to problem solve as well, to maintain attention in different situations, that they will have inappropriate moments etc. And a huge problem is that it can be very inconsistent which makes people think that, since they can be so successful at times, that they are just choosing to misbehave.
There are other kids on this board who are Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)/ABI as well. Is he on MA or private insurance? Can you call your county and ask for Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) services? If you haven't they may be able to help too.
I also use our state brain injury association to help at times. THey are more focused on Traumatic Injuries and my son has an injury from a brain mass so they are not as good for us as some other agencies have been. But in your son's case, maybe?
If none of this is helpful, please know it is okay. Bottom line is you are not alone and I welcome you to this lovely, caring group of people. This is an immensely supportive group. If you are ever just needing to "talk" I have found this is the place to come. I must compliment you on providing such a great home for your son that you do not have such intensive struggles at home. You must really know him and what he needs in his safe place (home).