If it Weren't so Ridiculous - it Might Actually be Funny...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, May 2, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    And here it is...our next adventure into the absurd...

    We are currently waiting for state caseworker to find an appropriate Behavioral Specialist to come to our home and set up a Behavioral Management Program for difficult child - with primary goal (among others) "difficult child will refrain from hurting family members 6 out of 7 days per week".

    Today I get a call from a Behavioral Specialist to whom the COUNTY has now referred my family. She would like to come out to our house and meet with us regarding establishing goals for difficult child. (and presumably, getting them on a Behavior Chart...though she did not use that phrase...)

    The STATE's Behavior Specialist should be getting in touch with us sometime in the next week or so...to set up their Behavior Program.

    I am just speechless!

    This is the most ridiculous example of government redundancy and red tape in action that I have ever seen!!!!

    So...I guess I will meet with both of them and see what I think...

    (Good thing Medicaid will pay for both of these services at once! Heaven forbid we waste government funds on anything expensive or frivolous like Residential Treatment Center (RTC). (Yes, I am being sarcastic...))
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...And on that 7th day? When she hurts a family member?

    Call the cops.

    UGH! I hate these stupid behavioral things... It's like that contract that Onyxx's last counselor had her sign... "I won't hurt myself or anyone else without calling counselor first" ... Erm. Sure.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Yep. And now I get to play this game with TWO specialists and TWO behavior plans.

    Double UGH!!!
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    How did we get so lucky?!
  5. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Yeah, my difficult child loved to sign contracts with her therapist so she could go out and break them the minute she left the office--after all, she was diagnosed with ODD--what else would you expect?!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I think I'm going to throw up .
  7. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Madness. Pure madness.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Seriously, though... it might actually NOT be a bad thing. This doubles the chances that you might end up with someone you can actually work with... as in, one of them might actually have some common sense, and/or see it from the sibling's perspective, or...

    So, assume its positive to have access to two separate resources, at least until proven otherwise.

    (yes, we know, there's a reasonable chance that both are not going to "get it", but...)

    Maybe you can even get one of them to take the sibling's side???? <not likely, but...>
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I so wish you lived here because while you really would have a hard time now accessing out of home placements because it seems that Medicaid nationwide is cutting that funding, but mental health professionals seem to know how to write goals here. At least my therapist did.

    You know what DF, maybe I could email her and we could work up some goals for you to bring to the table for your daughter? I would need real life examples though so you might want to do that in PM to me. My therapist and I wrote some very good, workable and reachable goals for my Individual Patient Plan.

    Things like "Janet will decrease her self-harming behaviors from 3 times a week to 1 time a week by using her self calming techniques. If these dont work, she shall contact therapist at anytime for help." 'Janet will increase her time out of the house from 1 time a week to twice a week for 4 weeks in a 6 week period"

    Those are measurable and reachable goals. You can measure them. 3 times to 1 time. Have a way to reach them. Self calming techniques. Very reachable and time limited.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    You could make this work for you. The State could have the goal of no violence Mon-Fri and County can have a no-violence goal on the weekends.

    Kanga was another one who loved setting goals with the tdocs. Course, she thought just setting the goal should get her the reward, never really got the "do" part of "do to get". My favorite memory was after an idiotic session with therapist where Kanga felt that she had negotiated that I was to take her shopping and buy her what ever she wanted. We had just gotten home and Kanga became enraged when it was clear that I wasn't taking her to the mall. I was able to get therapist on the phone and she got to hear Kanga in all her glory. Course, it didn't help cause therapist bought everything Kanga was selling....so glad that therapist left on maternity leave and we got the best therapist in the place after that.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Don't worry so much on this actually all turning out that way- I bet you something throws a wrench in this plan- two agencies like that usually HATE to work with each other and will inevitably find a way to make it impossible to take this approach. If you end up with a choice, go with the state- they'll have more access to facilties than your county, in the (choke) unlikely event that the bevior contract doesn't work.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Unfortunately, State's program comes with the idiotic caseworker...

    While County has very reasonable therapist.

    It's a tough choice.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    This is the game that the State makes you play to keep you in the loop to GET TO - the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) help. As absurd as they truly are, sound or realistically in actuality are? These are the same games we played with them to keep our "foot in the door" so to speak and play their games so that we exhausted all their "try this" BS. So that we could get the help we knew we needed.

    They told us this is what THEY have to show the state in order to procure funding for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement for Dude. While we were like - ARE YOU SERIOUS? We're DYING here and you want to play pat-a-cake and send in some student from USC to observe our household? You all are NUTS. This kid is literally tearing our house apart, destroying my life and you have been TOLD he needs more than talk therapy, that he's dangerous and yet you want to come out once a week, get a behavior chart together and go have ice cream? Then report me to CPS when I loose my cool because I'm begging for help?

    Yup - that's what I was told. The loosing my cool was putting my foot through a wall when I had an arrow shot at my chest with a bow and arrow when I asked Dude -something - can't remember and did their "redirect' "redirect" redirect" multiple times after I had been shoved and spat in the face on. I figured that was better than slapping my child. Nope - I was supposed to just calmly walk away. The man they sent was an idiot. After he did his little tour in my home? I wrote to his professor at USC, I wrote to the director of Mental Health and I wrote to the director of the State. I told them I got tired of playing HIS psychiatrist. I got tired of leaving my house every week to go get coffee and doughnuts to listen to HIS marriage problems since my son refused to listen to him. and I got tired of my family dreading his arrival - we even drove around and looked at Christmas lights and talked about what a disappointement he was to his Father. OMG - are you kidding me. nope. It was ridiculous. Yeah - they sent me a bill for services. After I sent my letter I didn't get a bill, and I didn't get any more suggestions to do "IN HOME Therapy with a worker either.

    Daisy I'm sorry - sadly this place is the ONLY service that can get you the services you need right now without private funding. If your daughter DOES go deep end? You can call your case worker and tell her in NO uncertain terms "LOOK WE ARE DESPERATE - WE NEED PLACEMENT NOW" and see if it helps - but unless that happens? It's jump hoop jump.

  14. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Dear God-does it ever end. The only fast track to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is calling the police on everything you can until some charge is filed that sticks andyou get before a judge who takes pity, then they put your little mentally ill kid in detention until they have a bed at Residential Treatment Center (RTC). In the mean time, they medically neglect (read my post about abuse on teen site), real "criminal" kids tease and abuse your child, they forget medications, and your child suffers in ways that set back any therapy done over the last what...3 years! This system has to change-it is absolutely abusive to kids and parents!!!

    Oh my heck! This is hilarious! But it is also pitiful! Did they ever stop to think that all this bull will eventually cost more than an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

    I'm so sorry DF. I feel your pain and boy I know you can use a hug because there are just not enough of them for me either!

    Hang in there, you must have the worlds record for the most graceful hoop jumping by now.
  15. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    DF, the tweedles have both state & county workers that many times overlap. In the middle is our risk management SW who writes out nice 40 & 45 page risk management plans for kt & wm, respectively.

    For all the risks kt & wm are working on 4 goals each. I can't remember them because there is no behavior chart. It's up to the staff to teach & track those goals. AND I must tell you that those goals are tracked with incredible detail & accuracy.

    I can't answer for what's going on with your team; it's taken years to "fine tune" kt & wm's mental health care teams & keep the goals, (you know those big important ones (i.e. physical aggression) ) in the forefront.

    I know your frustration ~ unless difficult children team is in tune & listens to mom & dad it becomes a waste of time & money.
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol it is funny OMG this is exactly what it was like when i worked for the in home crisis team............ objectives and goals...

    child will not be physically aggressive with parent

    child will not be verbally aggressive with parent.

    sheesh on and on it goes...... until i got the call hey kid has knife in kitchen please go support mom and remove knife from kids hands

    do they have a team of ppl that come into the home to help you with all these wonderfully insane goals???
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I appreciate the offer! I think the "disconnect" is not the phrasing of the goals, as much it is the caseworker's absolute cluelessness. The caseworker is a perfect example of 'lights are on, but nobody's home'....

    Otherwise, I would take you up on that in a heartbeat.
  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Invite caseworker to dinner, every night for a week. Maybe a sleepover too.

    Mind you, you could find the "professional mindset" of "we don't get personally involved with our clients." The last time I met this one, was when the kids were involved in that film. Because the segment our kids was in, involved autistic teens and their siblings, the production company hired a SpEd to work with the kids. She was kind and compassionate, and because difficult child 3 was the most severe of the kids (in terms of his needs) plus he was the one they most needed "on deck", her focus was on him. Even though I was there and could have done the job better. Almost always, this SpEd was focussed on deflection when he began to get anxious, instead of helping him rationalise it. I had to step in a few times and stop her taking him away for another game of cards (while production was halted!) and instead say to her, "Let me talk to him." I could see why he was upset and could deal with the heart of the matter directly. If she had worked with me, we could have been a very powerful team.
    In conversation with her, she told us she worked in SpEd units with behaviour problem kids. We all liked her and asked if we could stay in touch after filming, but she said ti would be unethical to give us her contact details, because there was always the chance one of our kids could end up in a unit where she worked, and to be in contact socially would be inappropriate. i didn't believe this - clearly (to me) for her own reasons, she was telling porkies ("pork pies" - lies - Aussie rhyming slang). I made a few discreet enquiries and found that Dept of Ed has no such policy - a good thing, since difficult child 3's first SpEds all live in our tiny village and we see them often.
    Ironically, I do have that woman's contact details. I think she would be horrified to know. Someone in production sent us the full contact list for all crew (probably in error) attached to the production schedule. But I have respected her desire to just walk away and have her personal space.

    The thing is - this was (allegedly) a very experienced, highly qualified professional who was hired, and she still stuffed it up. She was more a companion for difficult child 3, than an aide. While she spent a lot of time occupying difficult child 3, she also spent a lot of time talking with the other kids and their parents. But clearly, she needed that line in the sand.

    But if you can, try that approach - befriend the idiot. it allows them to have a greater exposure to your situation, and in so doing, she may actually see what you are dealing with and realise that everyone is out of their depth.

  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am a fan of this kind of method...(though I am probably not as good at it as you are! LOL!)

    So I have been doing a bit of this from the beginning. I've been trying to establish a friendly rapport by calling amd messaging and keeping caseworker in the loop.

    For example, one of our problems is that difficult child will "miss the bus" and just not come home after school. The when she finally calls or gets dropped off by someone, she has no good explanation as to how she missed the bus, and why she could not call home or where she has been or why it has taken so darn long for her to get home.

    This has been an ongoing problem for a long time...difficult child just taking off.
    It was written on the application to the state program.
    It was discussed during the intake interviews.
    It has been discussed during all of our meetings.
    It is on my bulleted list of "concerns" that I gave to everyone involved in our case.
    Since I have caseworker's email and cell number....I have been giving her a call and sending her a message each time this happens.

    And last time I met with caseworker, I reminded her again that this needs to stop.

    I'd like to stop difficult child from just taking off.

    Caseworker gave me a blank look...

    "She does that?"


    I may as well be communicating with a potato.
  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Are you SURE your daughter and Onyxx aren't the same person?!