If spring is bad time, when does it get better?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kjs, Apr 20, 2007.

  1. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Been a bad week with difficult child. Found out at our meeting on Thursday that he hasn't done a single assignment this quarter. So, I made him do work that night. That was a fight. He took it to school and lost half of it. Now, I drop him off AT the DOOR. Find out he goes to his locker, throws everything in it and goes to class no books, no pens or pencils and no homework. Stupid since he did it!!!! Then he ends up finding it all crumpled up or he lost it and has to redo it. I put all the work he did in a folder and had him bring it today. School starts at 8:30. On the way there I told him to go to class with books, paper and supplies. He said he has no pens or pencils. I have about 100 at home, so we ended up arguing again. He told me I am the reason he does everything because I drive him crazy. He slammed the door and got out of the car at 8:25. I had an appointment, and when I got there at 8:35 the principal called. difficult child is refusing to go to get any supplies and go to class. I asked to talk to him and he refused. So...I explained to the VP that my husband cannot take calls at work, he can return calls on his break. I left him a message, school left him a message and I sent him a text to call school. husband calls me and said he was in a meeting most of the morning and gets out to see all these messages. I told him to call the office and speak to difficult child since he is in there refusing to go to class. He did. I didn't know that at the time, so after my appointment at 10am I called the office tosee if he was still there. Yep. He talked to me this time. Told me he will go to his next class, it is an elective. I told him he needs to go to all his classes so he can learn the assignments. Then I just broke down crying. I told him he cannot do this every single day to me. I was so sad andjust shaking because he just won't If I would of went to school he would of runaway. I told him he needs to follow rules at home, school and life. I told him if he cannot follow our rules then we willfind hina foster homeamd he can follow THEIR RULES. thenhe hung up on me I was so upset, I downed bout three xanax witout feeling a thing. When he gets home he is all smiles good kid. He put me through the rigner and I can't it anymore. send hnim away. He says comments like. He thinks he can run everything and hehas no rules. Now remember and dross your fingers and pray that he will make better choices.
    Agter school today two kids from his class were fighting. One said he was going to bring a knife and stab the other kid.. the other kid said he was bringing a gun and is going to shoot him 6 times. I asked if any teachers heard, he said no just kidsl I asked if he told a teacher,he said no. He wants to see if it would really happen.. Then he threw the real kicker at me "I don' like then much anyway'@!
    so after school sweet as can be like nothing had happened (where icried all day)) He asked ME if he can go on the computer. I asked him why he was asking me and not dad. He said because you are the computer person. I told him he needs o do some homework.
    Meanwhile husband is right there. A little reinforcement would of helped. I cannot keep going on these roller coaster ridesl He has one good day and I pray the rest will follow. They don't.
    He is not into drugs or drinking. Not in trouble with the law....so far. Just refuses to do everything. He doesn't want to do it he will not do it.
    I have been shaking all day knowing i would have to see him sooner or later. So, pretty much cried all day.

    I cannot live like this. We fight everyday, all day. I am to old for that. Not suppose to be like this at this point of my life. I just cannot do it.
    Very tired. Going to bed.
    Take care.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is this boy in therapy or anything? If not, I think it would be good for both of you to start. You are locked into some sort of cycle with him.

    I am not exactly sure what the answer to the school situation is. If he is so depressed that he cannot or will not work in the school setting then he may need to be placed into a self contained class. Something needs to change so that his schoolwork is between him and the school. Does he have an IEP? If not maybe you should request one.
  3. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Kjs, you should have to live like this. I'm not saying you should give him up to a foster home. Just that he isn't stable and you are miserable and taking the brunt of it. What does psychiatrist say? Does the psychiatrist know difficult child isn't stable? Therapy is a good idea. It might take awhile to help or to find the right match for difficult child, but its worth it when it does help.

    Sorry I just saw your post about psychiatrist. A behavior journal might help get the message to psychiatrist of what you're going through on a daily bases and let you get some of the tension out through writing it down. Then even if he only spends 10 min. with you he has the data in front of him.
  4. ROE

    ROE New Member

    I agree with Janet. If you're not already in therapy, family therapy might be a good place to start. If no-one else in the family is willing to participate than go yourself. I learned alot from the various therapists that entered my life (difficult child's, easy child's and my own).

    One thing I learned from therapists was how to disengage from arguments with difficult child. Arguing with my difficult child is futile,nobody wins, it just causes the situation to escalate.
  5. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    this sounds like my difficult child I, got a call yesterday from math teacher saying difficult child I was there in his class with his feet up on desk, refusing to do his work, I still want to know what he thought I could do about it over the phone? Sigh........ GFGI has failed freshman year and wants to drop out, I have just given up and decided he will eventually feel the consequence(s) of his poor decisions.