I'm not sure if I have lost it ?? or detached??

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DDD, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    difficult child has a case of teenage obnoxiousness that has begun this year.
    He has made HUGE progress since middle school but truthfully he is one unusual kid. For an AS teen he is doing fairly well and overall I am pleased.

    Today, after school, he announced "I am not going to school tomorrow just so you know." :smile: I responded "any reason
    for you to want to avoid school tomorrow?" difficult child "No, I am just
    taking the day off as there will be no real class work and things
    are always weird before a holiday."

    Guess what people. I said "fine BUT you do understand that I will not write a note nor will I allow anyone to write an excuse
    for your absence". He replied "fine, I don't think I'll get in trouble but IF I do it will be my punishment for my decision".

    I'm not sure if I've gone over the edge or if I have detached from the kid. I'm not going to worry about it. He's a Junior in
    high school who is 17 going on 14 BUT he does understand that HE
    gets the consequences of HIS choices. My first seven children
    would be spinning their heads if I did this with them! :rolleyes: Too bad. So sad. DDD
  2. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Sounds to me like you're just plain T*I*R*E*D!! Maybe one reaches the point where you've done all you can and they need to fend for themselves. Que sara, sara. I'm already getting that way and mine is only 12.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    D3, who knows what could happen. He may have been so on edge he could get in trouble. If he recognizes he needs a break or can not handle school the 'weird' day before a holiday - kudos to him!

    I think you did fine!
  4. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Sounds realistic to me. I mean, really? What can you do? Drag him into school? Not likely.

    His choice, his consequences.

    I think the difference between him and your other kids is that (maybe) the other kids responded to whatever method you would have used to get them to school, or perhaps it would have never crossed their minds in the first place to state this proclamation and actually mean it.

    A wise woman you are!
  5. ggluvbug

    ggluvbug New Member

    To be honest, one unexcused absence shouldn't cause a problem anyway. I wish I could keep my son home the whole week before Christmas break!
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He won't be missing any major tests or final exams, will he? That's what we do the last three days before the holiday break. I love it because the kids have to stay focused right up until the end and the half days don't hurt either.

    I think you did the right thing as long as he is fully aware of any possible consequences. Some of my kids don't realize that missing a final exam that counts 15% of their grade really drops their average. And it it is an unexcused absence they aren't allowed to make it up.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    No exams or anything important are scheduled. Usually they have
    assemblies, substitute teachers, etc. and that is stressful for
    an AS kid as well it is for an ADHD kid. He's both. I "think"
    he is trying to avoid that stress and anxiety BUT he is the lst
    of the kids to speak rudely etc. to me. If I weren't so tired
    of raising kids, lol, it probably would be slightly funny to me
    as I have a weird sense of humor. The sadly amusing part is that
    he goes on and on and on being rude and "bad bottom teen" and
    then......he HAS to find me to apologize and get a hug so he
    knows that no permanent harm has come from the outrage.

    He has issues that are complex. I am looking forward to our
    trip to the shrink before New Years. Maybe a medication check is in order. I'm glad you all don't think I'm nuts by responding as I
    did. DDD
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I actually think you handled it very well. Most likely it is a good choice on his part. I know if my difficult child could handle being alone at some point in his life I might let him stay home on a day like tomorrow.
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Can you bottle that kid so that I can add some of him to mine?

    This could actually be a turning point for him. He may have pinpointed some of the triggers in his life that will impact him (Aspies HATE a change in routine!) and in true aspie style ANNOUNCED his intent rather than asking permission.

    You handled it beautifully! Bravo, Bravo!!!

  10. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    I think you handled it beautifully. He's 17, seems to understand that there could be consequences and he will be the one to suffer them, not you. And you did not need to get into a power struggle over something you couldn't win anyway! So, tired or not I think you did well!
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I feel better about the choice this morning. Knowing
    his personality traits, however, I won't be surprised to get a call at work saying "can you come take me to school late?" LOL
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Here's a :bravo: to your grandson knowing his limitations and doing something proactive to help himself.

    Here's a :bravo: to you for not slapping him silly for being rude to you.

    I hope he doesn't call you to go to school. It really sounds like he made the right decision.
  13. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    I think its fine and while many may see my perspective as strange...the fact that he reasons well enough to understand and be ok with the consequences for his actions is very good. My difficult child blames everyone and everything else for her actions so its refreshing to read.

    I'm also agreeing with whoever said you were tired. I am tired too and most days now I feel done. We choose our battles here and the scenerio you described is a battle I wouldn't choose either.

    Hope you have a good holiday.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I'm sorry D3 - I think he is right, and his comment about punishment would have put me over the edge - PRICELESS!