I admit it....should have been honest with psychiatrist when kt was admitted to Residential Treatment Center (RTC). psychiatrist's first question for me was "is kt coming home or are we prepping her for a group or foster home?" His next comment was "you are in over your head right now ~ too much going on with your health & husband's death." I pshawed him - assured him that it would be fine. After today & kt's nonstop outbursts I've been brought to my knees once again. Without husband here kt seems to be walking all over me. husband always backed me up here at home; we discussed many times over about never interfering with each other's decisions made during the heat of the moment. There was a balance - a partnership, if you will, in parenting. I'm grievously sorry I didn't share more about husband's good moments, his finer times. Recently a therapist told me he felt husband started drinking again because he couldn't emotionally handle the twins trauma. I left the office ~ I didn't want to believe that. Everything is too raw. I feel like I cannot continue without husband. I cannot keep up with the antics of my ktbug; the outbursts & threats from wm when he calls or I visit. I'm angry ..... at husband for dying. At kt & wm for just not "getting it". And I'm tired. I want the time to be sad, to play piano or paint. I want to laugh again. I want out. It's not going to happen.