input from a functional user?

[BusynMember]

I do agree with you 100%. Like anyone, if somebody doesn't want to stop doing something, lovking them in a rehab for intensive treatment won't work. My daughter once said, "Hey, Mom, guess where I can get drugs the easiest? N/A meetings! You get all those drug users together and it's party time!"

Parents are caught between a rock and hard place. We love our kids, as I'm quite sure your parents love you, and we hear "pot" or our kids are busted for pot and get into serious trouble (for now, in most states you still do). And we also don't know if our kids are doing more than pot. Most kids will cop to pot use and drinking. What they don't tell you is that they also use cocaine or heroin or meth. I had no idea all the drugs my daughter had tried a nd used until she actually quit and told me. She does not think a rehab would have stopped her though, not until she was ready.

Do you have any suggestions, beyond talking, for parents who have evidence of their children using drugs that are maybe more serious than pot? I found that nothing we tried changed my daughter's behavior except kicking her out, and that about broke my heart. What do you think your peers would best respond to? I always enjoy listening to teenagers giving advice and I have to give you credit...I do think you are attempting to communicate with us and I don't want to cut you off. I am try hard to keep the communication flowing with my own kids. So? Any suggestions?

 

[GwenWill]

Yes. What does a parent do when you see the wheels coming off the bus? When drug use causes schoolwork to suffer or the kid gets caught-up in the legal system. When a reasonable person's response is to stop the risky behavior. . .

 

[Signorina]

Do your parents let you drive? If so - does the car belong to you or them? Where do you keep your stash? I am not sure where you live, but state law varies widely and even in "legal" states, you must be over age 21 to use legally.

My son's HS classmate was driving SOBER in the middle of the day and swerved on wet pavement after making a wrong turn. Her best friend - who was not wearing a seatbelt - was ejected and died on the scene. The driver had a mandatory blood test immediately after the accident (which is the law in fatal/serious injury accidents here) and the driver - XXXX - tested positive for THC. Here's the detail from the case

XXX pleaded no contest to homicide by negligent operation of a motor vehicle. She was initially ticketed for driving too fast for conditions but was charged with the felony after blood test results in January showed traces of marijuana, but no alcohol.

ZZZ died Sept. 18 after XXX lost control on the ramp to northbound U.S. 41 from eastbound I-94.XXX and a front-seat passenger were not seriously injured. ZZZ was riding in the back seat without a seat belt

XXXX, age 17 of xxx was sentenced Thursday to a year in jail, and five years probation. If she violates that or other conditions, she could go to prison for two years, and as many as five, under a sentence imposed, and stayed, by County Circuit Judge after a daylong hearing of emotional testimony from family on both sides
Assistant District Attorney stated that the case could have been charged as homicide by drug-impaired driving, a 25-year felony, but that his office negotiated the lesser charge, and plea, in the interest of justice and the facts. It is not believed that XXXX had used marijuana the day of the crash...

XXX was just a HS senior who had smoked pot sometime in the 30 day period before the crash, a popular athletic girl with good grades, a coveted dance team spot, a life that was together... she had been a "FUNCTIONAL USER" just like you ... but now she is convicted felon and in jail.

*Be careful

 

[toughlovin]

I do see where you are coming from and I think there are plenty of kids who can smoke pot now and then without a problem...just like many can drink alcohol and not become alcoholics. I think most of the parents on this forum are not dealing with kids who smoke pot once in a while. Most of us tried many other things before rehab. My take has always been look at the other behaviors and go from there...so with my son it was about getting in trouble with school or the law and he has been in plenty with both since he was 14. It was not about smoking pot.... if that is all it was I would probably have talked about it and rolled with it.... but for him it was about doing anything to get high and getting in trouble.

I think the key issue to really look at is why someone is smoking pot...its one thing if you are with friends and smoke to have fun (yes there are many better ways to have fun), it is quite another if you are using it to numb your feelings and to avoid life. That is where it really starts becoming a problem.

One difference I see between alcohol and pot is that it seems to me people smoke pot to get high... some people drink to get drunk but others may enjoy a glass of wine with dinner, a beer on a hot day, or a drink at a party but stop way before they feel it. I dont think people just take a hit of pot for the taste.

I appreciate your input but I think most of the parents on this forum are talking about way more serious drrug use than occasionally smoking pot.... and yet we have all heard our kids tell us they only smoke pot or its just recretational use. I know my son has said that and yet he has done way more than pot and his drug use has landed him in a whole heap of trouble.... the courts are in charge now.

*TL

 

[hcs712]

midwest- if you know your kid is using hard drugs like heroin and meth, you have to get them to a detox center because the withdrawal symptoms are so bad... trying to quit those cold turkey is nearly impossible. you have to let them know that alcohol and pot on occasions is one thing, and hard drugs are a whole different story. I think one thing a few friends and me have agreed is helpful is positive reinforcement. if you only focus on the drug aspect of their lives and don't reinforce the good, it leads to depression and even more reliance on drugs for that solace. if you get the time to spend time with them, dont bring up drugs or it'll ruin whatever you're doing. taking them to dinner at a place of their choice is good. encourage hobbies. for my friends and I, we play a lot of music and that's something fun to do while sober. I know how hard it is to keep your cool, but dealing with it calmly but strongly goes a long way, because it shows maturity. trying to get them a job is a great idea because it takes up time and teaches work ethic, although finding a job can be hard ( still trying myself!). try to understand why they're using drugs. if there's a history of depression in your family, take that into account. I don't think its unreasonable to search for hard drugs on their person, especially if you're going to let them go out. don'tgive them money if they haven't earned it. if they want gas money, have them do a few chores first. My parents do that, and I consider it entirely fair. I can't promise that anything I say is guaranteed, but it's the best advice I have, being a teenager. I hope this helps! good luck

 

[hcs712]

sig- my mom recently bought a car that I use but she owns, and although Ithink I could drive fine after a bowl or so, I don't just because that's another agreement ive made with my mom. My stash is in a shoebox in a stack of other shoeboxes in my closet. My mom is generally respectful of my privacy though because I try to always be honest with her. I live in Kentucky so yes it is illegal but I try my best to be discrete. I usually smoke either in my backyard sitting on the patio or at the local park with friends when it's dark and no one is around.

 

[hcs712]

tough- you're right, most parents are dealing with kids who are in a lot deeper water. but many of them also have kids who are coming of age and maybe some parents who are reading the forum to look for advice. I'm not saying to use this advice with kids who have already screwed up a lot, but for those coming of age.

 

[DaisyFace]

letting a kid figure life out themselves is a good way to combat problems.

This is a perfect example of why teens need their parents in the first place! No matter how much "smarts" they have - a teenager simply does not always have the life experience to majke the best choices...

My daughter swore that everything would be just grand if only we would let her figure everything out for herself. And from her teenage point of view - this was a perfectly reasonable, rational argument. She felt she needed no input other than her own - and she would handle life's issues just fine on her own.

From the perspective of a person who has been there and done that? I could see that my daughter did not have the big picture. She was not looking at the often fine line between success and failure. She could not see that her poor choices were adding up and leading her down a path that did NOT lead to the dreams and successes she envisioned for herself.

For all our efforts - we watched her throw away opportunities for her future....and now, she is left with the school of hard knocks.

That said, she may still work really hard and have a highly successful life - but had she allowed her parents to steer her to a better road...she might have been enjoying a much different life right now.

 

[hcs712]

daisy- the thing is that most teens will only do it their way. trying to guide them is great, but there's no guarantee they'll listen. letting them figure it out themselves can sometimes be the only option. there's no other solution unless they're willing to explore other options.

 

[BusynMember]

Whenever I ask people why they drink not to get drunk, I get the same answer. "I like the buzz" or "to relax." A drink does have a mild affect on even a non-alcoholic. As a nondrinker, it doesn't seem different to me than if a kid wanted one joint to get a buzz. I think of them as the same issue. I try to be with people who are not doing anything to "relax"...pot or alcohol. Some people who drink have no idea when they are starting to act "funny" until the next day. I prefer to live amongst the sober Doesn't mean nobody I hang with has a drink a few times a year (that's the amount most of my friends drink) and maybe they sometimes have a joint a few times a year. But they don't do it around me. I prefer their normal selves.

 

[hcs712]

midwest- that's perfectly normal, you deserve to live your life how you want to live it. to each his/her own.

 

[Signorina]

HCS, you missed my point. The driver wasn't impaired and the DA stated he knows she was not impaired at the time of the accident which is why he allowed the lower plea of negligent vehicular homicide. However, it was the marijuana in her blood- perhaps 30 days old - that led to the felony charge. And instead of being a functional pot user on a soccer scholarship to a big 10 school -- she's an 18 year old convicted felon in county jail. All because she swerved while SOBER on wet pavement and her BFF wasn't wearing a seatbelt. (And if her parents weren't wealthy enough to afford a great lawyer, she would be in state prison for 5 years. ). Both of her parents as well as she are being sued civilly by the victims family AND the uninjured passenger and her family; her parents as the owners of the vehicle and as the parents of an uncontrolled minor. Make no mistake, I know this girl and she is lovely and charming and bright. I think it's terrible and I am so sad for her. But essentially, her bright future disappeared.

And in my county, my kid's "pot in a shoebox in their bedroom" could result in criminal charges against me -- the homeowner. Even more so someone were caught smoking it in my backyard. And if that someone was a minor, I could go to jail.

You're a great writer with wonderful communication skills. I hope you allow your talent to flourish instead of dulling it with illegal substances. If you hadn't told us your age, I would think you are far older than your 17 years. At least 40 or so! You should be hanging out with your friends and not a devastated parents of substance abusers message board on this lovely Midwest weekend, we don't get enough of them!

 

[hcs712]

sig- somehow I totally missed the italics at the bottom! sorry about that. that's a terrible misfortune I have to say. I find it ridiculous that you can go to jail for impaired driving when there's no proof of impairment at the time... but then again the law works in strange ways. it's unfortunate that the lawyers couldn't work that out. that's not the law here thankfully, and me being an overly cautious driver I haven't been in any wrecks. that's not to say that I couldn't though. things like that are what are causing me to start cutting back more and more, even though marijuana itself hasn't caused me any serious problems. as for my mother getting in trouble... I think the cops have better things to do than get a warrant to search someones house for personal marijuana use. but still, I get where you're coming from and I greatly appreciate your compliments!

 

[Signorina]

She didn't go to jail for impaired driving- she accept the lower plea. But there was evidence of impaired driving -trace amounts of marijuana in her bloodstream. A positive blood test for an illegal substance was all it took, maybe she would have been found not guilty if she didn't take the plea? But apparently, a positive blood test was enough reason to charge her and enough reason for her to accept the lesser plea instead of taking the risk of a trial.

 

[hcs712]

that's what I mean, there was evidence that she had used marijuana, but no evidence of when... she very well could have ended up with that charge if not for the plea bargain. probably would have done the same thing though. just sad.