Is it bad when my 3 year old is the only person I an not mad at

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by JoAnn1989, Jun 27, 2012.

  1. JoAnn1989

    JoAnn1989 New Member

    So I got home from work about half hour ago. I work 12 hour shifts. When I come home my front door is unlocked. Next I find my 3 year old still in his cloths from yesterday sleeping in a laundry basket. Dinner dishs still on the table. My 6 year old is no where to be found (he was in the nabors back yard playing with the dog). So first I go to my sisters room and open the door to find a guy who looks older then me in bed with my 17 year old sister who just got out of mental health rehab last Wednesday. Throw all this my husband who is chronicly I'll is sleeping. When I asked him what happened wale I was at work he just shrugged and said he thought my sister put the boys to bed and she had asked to have a friend over. wtf happened in my house last night wale I was at work I can't trust any of them.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Heads would roll.

    I don't blame you for being furious. Scarey as heck, as well!

  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    How old is your husband, and does he have a job? If you are the breadwinner, he'd better be the stay at home parent. That means cleaning house, doing laundry and folding it, preparing all meals and cleaning up after them, bathing the baby on a daily basis, keeping the baby entertained on an age appropriate level - parks, reading books, etc. - and generally supervising over the house.

    Why is your sister even there? Unless I am guessing wrong, you're not much older than her yourself. Add to that the responsibilities of a young family and a more than full-time job, I don't care what her problem is, her problem is not your problem. If she pays rent (ha ha - I know) then I would use that money to put the baby in a GOOD child care program. Otherwise, she can hit the skids, you are most definitely not your sister's keeper.
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2012
  4. JoAnn1989

    JoAnn1989 New Member

    My husband was in the millataey infill about 6 months ago when he was medicly discharged. He has a form of brain cancer and had radiation treatment dayly. That's part of the reason i let my sister over in cus when she was at the mental health facillity she and my mom couldn't work things out. My husband just turned 23 last week I am 23 and my sister is 17. The plan was for my sister to be my live in nanny and take care of the boys when my husband was to sick. Everyone's info in my house is in my profile I don't know how to put it on my sig.
  5. Woah! I would have lost it!

    First, let me say that I'm so sorry your husband is ill. Next let me say that you need to get some sort of support other than your sister.

    I'm not sure she if this is odd behaviour for her but if it isn't then she certainly isn't capable of being a nanny to your children. If this type of behaviour is going to continue then I would have her leave your home - you have enough stress on your plate without having to worry and stress about what she is doing or who she is bringing into your home.

    Can you hire a college student for the summer? What about a neighbour? I would start exploring other options asap.

    So sorry you're dealing with this.
  6. JoAnn1989

    JoAnn1989 New Member

    Ya I know I just wanted to give her a chance. She has been in a mental health facillity for the last 7 months and I wanted to give her a chance to prove herself that she was doing better. But I don't have the time or energy to keep track of her. I might have to call my grandmother and see if she can take her.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do you have parents nearby who can help you? I know you wanted to give your sister a chance but it is not a good idea to allow her to be alone with your kids. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate but you husband and children are your first priority.

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I really, really think you need a babysitter. Your hub is too sick to watch the kids and your sister is way too immature. I feel really badly for your husband...I think he needs to take care of himself first.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thank your husband for his service to our country and I am so sorry you are both dealing with all this at such a young age.

    I would imagine your sisters actions come part and parcel with whatever got her sent to the mental health placement but right now you just need to handle your own issues. Those are heavy enough for young shoulders. Not sure what you might be able to tap into but you might be able to look for help from social services for day care. Your six year old also might be old enough for a summer day camp. Some places have scholarships if money is tight and it usually is for 23 year olds.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Joanne -

    First of all - 12 hour shifts are the bomb. I'm not sure about you? But since I don't have any little kids anymore? It's an escape I can relate to happily. For 12 whole one can bother me, other than the people in the city, and the county, and when I leave the job? Well. it's their crisis - it's my job. Also thank your husband for his service to our country, I never miss an opportunity to thank a Vet. And to you - for being alone while he was gone. Your sacrifices WERE appreciated.

    Okay - so it sounds like your life is a snowglobe.....Pick it up, shake it - and see what falls where. Baby in the laundry basket, kid in the neighbors yard sharing smiles with a dog, front door open (are you sure it wasn't open house - I mean you could have missed a sign??), hubby sound asleep, and a troll in your sisters room. Seriously you had the makings for a totally Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) fairy tale there - and (vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt) it went right out that open front door didn't it? Personally for me? It would have gone out that front door with the troll at about 100 mph.....with my boot pasted to his kiester....along with a call to 911, for a criminal sexual misconduct on a minor call - but.....que serra serra. However I think I would file a report with my local police and give them a description of this toad, and tell them that should he show back up again? You want him arrested for trespassing. NO old dude, with a candlestick in the bedroom with the 17 year old....(old dude get a CLUE)

    As far as the children and day care? WELL.......that would be great in a perfect world where someone that was actually free, and giving, and responsible would take your children and say OKAY I'll watch them for 12 hours for free....and you go to work with no problems, but we all know that's not likely right? Yeah - so someone suggested day camps, and day care....and I think maybe you can get (here they're called ABC vouchers) for FREE daycare assistance. And while you do NOT want to be the EVIL Mother that puts her babies in day care? How about the WORSE mom on the 5 oclock news that finds her toddler in the middle of the street? Yeah - that's not so good. Then - the 17 year old can get a job, get a GED, and not be in the bedroom with her biology projects. YOUR HUSBAND -----would have down time - and honey- he's got brain cancer so watching 2 kids, well - 3 -----NOT on his list of "Things I need to do now that I'm out of the military" ........23 or not-------he needs peace and quiet and the MORE of that HE gets? The more YOU are going to get. AND YOU need it most of all because right now?
    YOU.....Y-O-U are the GLUE that is holding this entire family together. SO oooooooooooooooooooo..........(said like an older sister)
    WHAT are you doing for yourself? (Oh that's cute you're laughing) hahaha. Ahem.

    Seriously......what are you DOING for yourself?

    Even at 23? You need to get some kind of delegation in this house going on......and trust me - I'm not writing the hubby off with a total pass because of the cancer. If he was completely inept? He'd be at the VA and not home. SO he can do somethings.......ask him what he thinks he can do......and give him THOSE chores. If he's able to do laundry? If he's able to mow the lawn.....gas your vehicles.....cook 2 nights a the boys.....3 days after day care? Make a schedule. The sister can look for a job or get an education - and watch the boys 2 days a week.....AND contribute XX amount to the house.........if she CAN"T by a certain day???? THEN SHE NEEDS TO MAKE OTHER ARRANGEMENTS AND MOVE hubby do not support does her NO good to drag her along - at 17 - mental health patient or not - she needs to figure some things out to help herself.....find her way. Either file for SSDI - or get a job - or go to voc rehab - or JOB CORPS......whatever - but -------YOU and those boys come FIRST.

    So get a plan - make a list - and get some things crossed off it every single day------and stick to your guns...........and every day - THIRTY MINUTES - is JOANNE TIME - no boys, no hubby no phone, no sister - it's YOU time - I don't care if you have to walk around the block.......stop at the grocery store and buy yourself a pint of hagen das..and eat it all alone in the parking lot of the winn dixie......or go for a walk to the end of the road.....or sit on the toilet and dare anyone to knock on that door - its JOANNES 30 minutes........and you really should find time to have one date night a week or so with hubby -

    OKAY - well - I'm going to go take care of my own injured patient......(knee replacement man, going blind) and 5 dogs that have become sooooooo needy....since I went back to work. (I take 1 hour a day for ME now because well - I'm like 2x your age and -----don't want to say selfish, cause it's not that - I'm just more experienced.....older, and by GOD I've earned it) lol.

    Hang tough gal - You're doing great.....and we're here to help.

    oh and by the way - if the wallpaper is the only thing you're not mad at somedays? THAT is acceptable too.
  11. JoAnn1989

    JoAnn1989 New Member

    Thank you all of you so after screaming at my sister and my husband for the craziness that I came home to we all sat down and talked we came up with some something's first off my sister is to cook dinner for her and the boys 2 times a week she will keep her room picked up and keep the bathroom tidy also she is to enroll in school for September if she can't do that she is to look in to a GED program also she is to have non company when I am not home and if she can't do these things she will need to find another place as for my husband he is going to help with the laundry getting washed and I will fold it and put it away and get the boys to bed when I am at work

    As far as calling the cops in this state the age of consent is 16 so it is legal even if you don't like it but she is only to have people over when I am home as for our folks they don't want her back in their home since she took my moms car and drove it in to her ex boyfriends living room that's why she was in the mental health facillity it wa a lesser ple

    Thank you for all your good thoughts star you crack me up
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911

    PHENOMINAL Jo.....!

    Make it in writing///////I'm serious....for your sister.......make out a contract - and you get a copy and she gets a copy - it's what ALL the adults in the world do - (really really ) buy a car? Contract. Get an apartment? Contract. Get a new job that is good ? Contract. Hire an attorney? Contract. Hire a hit man to rid your sister of a toad? Contract - aummmm actually that last one is debatable and I'm pleading the fifth.....but it's probably PROABLY true in some Cartel .....yeah - CONTRACT for bathroom tidy, bedroom neat, dinner, etc.......and she signs, you sign, and hu8bby witnesses......and the consequences are CLEARLY defined......and a MOVE OUT date - (which would be like - 2 weeks, 2 months ) to the date that the contract is BROKEN - so that it IS hanging over her head....and not just namby pamby wishy washy it?

    Okay - as for the rest? BRAVO .......I'm impressed. Are you SURE you have a personality disorder? REALLY? lol.......just kidding just kidding. Personally I'm a donkeyholic,,,,,,,but you'd never know it......I hardly ever talk about them......or work them into my avatar....or name my ranch after them or anything.........hard to believe huh? Hee haw...have a good one...Star......
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I can see that your husband is probably not able to care for the baby and needs help himself, but I'd be hard pressed to give my sister "a chance" with my child if she is just out of a mental facility and has strange men over to the house. Is there any way the VA can help out with in home care? I know that wait-lists are awful, but the first step is to get on the lists. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.