Is this mean?

[Shari]

easy child 2/difficult child has a band concert tomorrow night. I've known about it.

She is all sorts of excited. Wants us to go.

She has not had a single passing assignment in band except for showing up.

She won't bring the instrument home to practice. EVER. Last year, she didn't even want to go to the sppring concert because she "hated band so much". Two days later, she signed up again. But this year hasn't been any different...she doesn't practice, doesn't know any of the songs or scales, etc.

I don't want to go to her concert. I try to treat her as I do my own kids. If she were my kid, I wouldn't be wasting my money on renting her instrument. Thus, I wouldn't be going to her concert.

Is that just plain cold?

I just looked. She has 13 graded scales or songs and 6 are either f's or she didn't do them at all.

 

[Shari]

Ok, disregard...husband isn't even going for the same reasons. He said her horn is $50 a month, and if she lived here, she'd either practice or not have it.

Puts me off the hook (tho I still feel guilty...)

 

[susiestar]

I don't think it is mean at all. I think it is LIFE. I am sorry that her mother and gmother do not teach her things like this and do not insist she do her school work. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have dog licenses, much less kids. (Some local irony on that topic - our Humane Society does home inspections with-in a week of adopting an animal and has the right to make surprise inspections up to 2 years after you adopt. The local agency that covers adoptions for the state does not do this for that long after an adoption! Makes you wonder....)

Stick to your guns about this.

 

[Andy]

Can you or husband call her band leader about this? I can't believe he/she would want a student on stage who obviously can not perform. Unfortunately, many bands/choirs mandate the students attend these ridicously long crowded events to try to draw only the serious students. There should be a policy that students get kicked out each mid-quater and quarter if they are failing it due to lack of practicing and interest. Easier for the band leader to say he/she does not qualify for the "class" than for the parents to go through this.

Do whatever you can do to discourage her from joining next year. Many kids think choir or band is the easiest A of all. I am glad she has graded assignments (I don't remember any in choir) so she can't say this is an "easy" class. Makes me wonder what class time is all about - may just be a lot of socializing while the instructor works with other sections. If that is the case, that is why she wants to be there, to goof off with her friends. She sure doesn't appear to be interested in the instrument or doing well with it.

 

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

To me this sounds like such a typical difficult child thing...

She is failing and can't be bothered, but still wants you to be excited and proud of her "concert". I'm sure the teacher has been talking about the event for some time and has been emphasizing what a big deal it is and how proud all the parents are going to be of the students hard work.

Unfortunately, the teacher is fostering an environment where everyone gets the reward regardless of their level of effort.

When I was in school--all the students were encouraged to learn an instrument. BUT only those who practised and showed that they were mastering their instrument were invited to join the band and perform in concert.

Since your child's school is letting everyone play--regardless of effort...the parents are kind of stuck. Part of the commitment of band is showing up to support the band and the other students. If I were difficult child's parent, I would attend this concert...

Then I would NOT allow ger to join band next year.

(And if I didn't have to attend the concert because my husband put his foot down? I'd be secretly relieved that I didn't have to go and applaud difficult child for her non-effort.)

 

[Shari]

We said no to band last year after the same setting (only a fight about going to the concert cause she didn't want to go...), and her mom let her sign up anyway. So putting our foot down in that way is not an option unless we go back to court, which we should, but, husband isn't pushing for it since the last round of lying to everyone...and I'll be honest...I'm not sure I could handle another difficult child in my house full time. I truly don't think she'd be a difficult child if she had some boundaries, but I could be wrong, and at this point, her habits are pretty ingrained. It wouldn't be fun.

I'm just not going. Mean or not. I'm not going to add to the reward for doing nothing. Mama can handle that on her own, and we'll be the bad parents for not being there. I don't care.