Lost in sadness
Active Member
I am sorry I have not posted in quite a while, I have checked back now and then to see how everyone is doing. It got where I would need to just sit here and update from moment to moment if I continued to come on here.
The update is:- Everything has finally caught up with my son with the police and all of his wrongdoings He lost his provisional car license for 6 months, he got 150 hours of community service for something else and a load of court fines. I admit I paid some of it off as we were risking the bailiffs coming to our house and I wanted it to be a little 'neater' than it all was. He continued living at his girlfriends (so 6 months now) and he completed his hours of unpaid work by going everyday. He secured a job the very day he finished. Things looked on the up.
The relationship with the girlfriend has not been good for a while and I know there were times I made him stay in it as he would have no where else to live. We went away for a short break about 10 days ago and when we returned I discovered my son had been asked to leave the girlfriends house as her mum was fed up with hearing them argue. Fair enough. He had stayed in a hotel for a night but had no more money.
My husband and I spoke and agreed in light of the fact he has a job and been doing ok he could temporarily stay back home to clear some debt and then get another house share in a month or two.
First night good. second night we argued and he got a little angry. He apologised. Been ok for a few days. Husband takes him to work and picks him up as his job is close. He spent one night out clubbing. Fine. One day I knew he had a girl round as I found her underwear on his floor!! NOT happy.
Last night he went out and he had a bag packed. I knew he was going to meet a girl despite his lies. I told him that 10.30pm was late to be going out when we were all going to bed. He told me he was 20 and he was fine, promising to go to work today. I sent him a text at midnight to remind him that the rules of staying here were going to work each day. He agreed. This morning I get a text 'morning mum' at 7.15am. I was impressed. Asked if he needed my husband to pick him up from work and he was evasive. Tried to call him, no answer then he sent a text saying he was at work. I smelt a rat! I checked his email and there it was, the apology written to his new employer saying he was sick and couldn't go in! I am livid!
I have told him he cannot come home tonight. He got angry and shouted over the phone. He then sent texts saying how would he get to work if I didn't let him home and he would lose his job, that i was cruel and horrible Etc etc. I reminded him that he made his own choices and he knew the rules. I suggested he got ready and went in late saying he has managed to get an earlier doctors appointment. He has profusely apologised saying he knows he is wrong and he will go into work tomorrow. I have told him if he doesn't then he will not stay here tomorrow night either and if he loses his job he will need to find someone else permanently. I know I must stick to my guns or we will be back to square one but am I being too hard???
I also know that there are no other options left for him and it will be the streets. I am hoping he does not lose his job and this will be enough of a shock as he has come so far and it will be so sad. I will be honest in saying that I am back on edge with him here and I know my husband is right deep down that there are aspects to my son that will probably never change but he hides it and manages it until he doesn't get his own way. I have offered an olive branch and already he has messed it up.
We also go on holiday next week for a week which I have not told my son about as I do not want him arranging parties. I am worried sick what he will do and I can guarantee he won't go to work as it will mean two buses to get there!
It goes on and on and on.....thoughts please!
The update is:- Everything has finally caught up with my son with the police and all of his wrongdoings He lost his provisional car license for 6 months, he got 150 hours of community service for something else and a load of court fines. I admit I paid some of it off as we were risking the bailiffs coming to our house and I wanted it to be a little 'neater' than it all was. He continued living at his girlfriends (so 6 months now) and he completed his hours of unpaid work by going everyday. He secured a job the very day he finished. Things looked on the up.
The relationship with the girlfriend has not been good for a while and I know there were times I made him stay in it as he would have no where else to live. We went away for a short break about 10 days ago and when we returned I discovered my son had been asked to leave the girlfriends house as her mum was fed up with hearing them argue. Fair enough. He had stayed in a hotel for a night but had no more money.
My husband and I spoke and agreed in light of the fact he has a job and been doing ok he could temporarily stay back home to clear some debt and then get another house share in a month or two.
First night good. second night we argued and he got a little angry. He apologised. Been ok for a few days. Husband takes him to work and picks him up as his job is close. He spent one night out clubbing. Fine. One day I knew he had a girl round as I found her underwear on his floor!! NOT happy.
Last night he went out and he had a bag packed. I knew he was going to meet a girl despite his lies. I told him that 10.30pm was late to be going out when we were all going to bed. He told me he was 20 and he was fine, promising to go to work today. I sent him a text at midnight to remind him that the rules of staying here were going to work each day. He agreed. This morning I get a text 'morning mum' at 7.15am. I was impressed. Asked if he needed my husband to pick him up from work and he was evasive. Tried to call him, no answer then he sent a text saying he was at work. I smelt a rat! I checked his email and there it was, the apology written to his new employer saying he was sick and couldn't go in! I am livid!
I have told him he cannot come home tonight. He got angry and shouted over the phone. He then sent texts saying how would he get to work if I didn't let him home and he would lose his job, that i was cruel and horrible Etc etc. I reminded him that he made his own choices and he knew the rules. I suggested he got ready and went in late saying he has managed to get an earlier doctors appointment. He has profusely apologised saying he knows he is wrong and he will go into work tomorrow. I have told him if he doesn't then he will not stay here tomorrow night either and if he loses his job he will need to find someone else permanently. I know I must stick to my guns or we will be back to square one but am I being too hard???
I also know that there are no other options left for him and it will be the streets. I am hoping he does not lose his job and this will be enough of a shock as he has come so far and it will be so sad. I will be honest in saying that I am back on edge with him here and I know my husband is right deep down that there are aspects to my son that will probably never change but he hides it and manages it until he doesn't get his own way. I have offered an olive branch and already he has messed it up.
We also go on holiday next week for a week which I have not told my son about as I do not want him arranging parties. I am worried sick what he will do and I can guarantee he won't go to work as it will mean two buses to get there!
It goes on and on and on.....thoughts please!