Lost in sadness
Active Member
So, he has managed one night at the hostel. I went, on Tuesday to pick him up, take food and to go to employment agencies. Of course, he was not ready when I arrived. Such an up and down day! He is so agitated and his temper just hangs, ready to explode at anything you say 'wrong'. Whilst driving he bought up the subject of money. Always a dangerous subject. He has very little left from his dads pension money (dad died) as he spent it renting a house, but there is a little. He wants it. He is, by law entitled to it. We want him to use it for another deposit on a house rental when he is ready or a small car. No, he wants it now. I tried to talk to him about why he is in this position, reminding him this is not our fault but his. He started to go mad, called me the usual 'C' word. That was it, I told him I was "taking him back" and going home. He asked me where I was taking and before I could help myself the words were out of my mouth, "where you belong", (meaning the homeless hostel). I feel so horrible! Whatever possessed me, how cruel! he looked at me like he might kill me and then start continuously punching my car dash board until his knuckles were bleeding. It was horrible. He was screaming how could I say that and that he didn't belong here, I put him there! I just cried and told him to get out or I would cal the police and he was egging me to. Before I knew it I was screaming too like a demented animal. In the end he got out and I calmed myself. I re -picked him up and I bought him back to our house and we agreed he could have some of his money to pay off debts and give his sister some for her old phone. I understand that he needs bus money to see his friends as the hostel is in another town. We gave him £200. I dropped him at a friends. That evening he asked for another £50. We said no. He said he owed more than he thought and wanted to take his girlfriend out for a meal and have some 'fun'. We told him he didn't have money for meals, taxis, drugs, alcohol and the fun he is talking about is the reason he is in the position he is!! I also reminded him that he had not even paid his sister for the phone. He continuously texted. We ignored. Next morning we can see on his social media he never went back to hostel (only allowed 4 nights out a week). He stayed at a friends and they went out drinking cocktails!! I can also see he fell out with this friend by begging him to stay at his parents house and the friend gave in. My son then abused their rules!
That day my sons is still asking for more money I said no and told him to get back to hostel before he is thrown out. Last night at 9.40pm he messages me that I need to book him a taxi or arrange a lift as he is stranded and must get back to hostel tonight. I said 'no'. He kept on and then said that I know he will be "f**ked" if I don't sort it. My reply? "yes YOU will be f**cked if YOU do not get yourself back, and you knew that when you managed to get where you are. YOU sort it". I blocked him. He tried to call on another number. I went to bed. I have no idea if he got back. I dread that he is thrown out but whilst he has money and we keep giving him it, he simply will not change. Do I just step back now completely? Leave him to work it out? I feel I am abandoning him but I hate being around him. I still believe there is something wrong with him from a mental health perspective, he is just strange. All his relationships are based on lies, manipulation and blame, as if he does no wrong. Walter Mitty? Ideas? xx
That day my sons is still asking for more money I said no and told him to get back to hostel before he is thrown out. Last night at 9.40pm he messages me that I need to book him a taxi or arrange a lift as he is stranded and must get back to hostel tonight. I said 'no'. He kept on and then said that I know he will be "f**ked" if I don't sort it. My reply? "yes YOU will be f**cked if YOU do not get yourself back, and you knew that when you managed to get where you are. YOU sort it". I blocked him. He tried to call on another number. I went to bed. I have no idea if he got back. I dread that he is thrown out but whilst he has money and we keep giving him it, he simply will not change. Do I just step back now completely? Leave him to work it out? I feel I am abandoning him but I hate being around him. I still believe there is something wrong with him from a mental health perspective, he is just strange. All his relationships are based on lies, manipulation and blame, as if he does no wrong. Walter Mitty? Ideas? xx