I can't believe I find myself here in this place again in my life. From the outside, everyone in my small town would tell you I have the perfect life. I am a highly respected educator; I have 3 beautiful children who are grown, I am a grandmother; I own a beautiful home; I drive a little sports car, My husband is the nicest guy you could ever meet. The problem is he is also a drug addict. He first went to detox and rehab six years ago. At the time, I knew he was using but had not proof. By the time I did have hard proof I was $25,000 in debt and 3 months behind on all payments. He went to detox and rehab for 3 months, while I stayed here and worked and took care of children (13, 14, 19). I really thought he had been clean since. He revealed to me 5 days ago that he was using and he needed to go to detox again. I am crushed. I have been supportive and loving for years. I have not been an enabler. He was able to hide his drug use and has deceived me for 2 years---the whole time touting his sobriety. He has called every night from detox. He is trying to get well. There is no doubt in my mind that he regrets what he's done. I know he loves me and the children. I feel guilty for not wanting to be a part of his recovery this time. I just don't know if I have it in me to continue this life. I am tired of being lied to and feeling like the issues in our relationship with him are because of me when in reality I know they are not. If I decide to end 22 years of marriage, what then? If he continues to self-destruct, will I be blamed? Would the guilt eat me alive? Would my children be devastated? If I stay I know I will never trust him again. God, I hate addiction?