Kinda big news here...

[PatriotsGirl]

I was thinking that difficult child had blown the job opportunity with my friend (hadn't heard a word from either one of them). But, I got a text from my friend on Saturday that she was picking difficult child up that day or Sunday! I told her that I thought it wasn't going to happen and she said she was beginning to wonder herself, but difficult child contacted her and has made the choice. I texted difficult child yesterday - twice - and was planning on calling her when she texted back, but she never texted back. difficult child is not talking to me for some reason and that is actually okay with me right now because she is taking positive steps in her life at the moment and I am afraid to muck it up...lol.

Through a confirmation text last night, I know that my friend has difficult child in her possession and that difficult child was starting work this morning. I checked difficult child's new Facebook page this morning (she had to create a new one - she was having security passwords sent to her phone to log in and lost that when she changed her phone number). She has obviously been reading a self help book. She posted some blurbs from it this morning. It is called "Easier Than You Think". She also posted something from the Bible, I believe: "So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline."

OH WOW - just did some more snooping and it all makes sense now. I just checked the boyfriend's Facebook page and he is back with an ex girlfriend!!!! That explains why and how difficult child was finally able to make the decision. I am thrilled and doing the happy dance!!! Is it wrong that I want to thank the girlfriend for getting the LOSER away from my daughter???? Judging by posts from her friends on her wall, they think she is pretty stupid for getting back with him. Seems I am not the only one that thinks he is a complete loser.

So, difficult child is at work right now - hopefully busting her butt. And she is living with my friend in a very nice apartment complex, where she will hopefully meet new normal people. Oh, did I also mention my friend is an ex-Marine??

So, life is good at the moment. I am quietly, secretly and cautiously thrilled. I want so very badly to be there for difficult child and tell her how proud of her I am, but I suppose I will get to do that when she is ready...

 

[buddy]

So glad she is taking these steps. I am always amazed how a significant other can be such a total focus and screw up so much....glad this one is out of her way. Very happy for your mommy heart.

 

[DDD]

I'm delighted that the turn of events sounds so positive. Fingers crossed this is the beginning of a healthier path. by the way, lol, one of my biggest parenting problems is remembering to keep my mouth shut. Hugs DDD

 

[Nancy]

That is great news PG. Maybe this will help turn the board around for some of our difficult child's. I'm rooting for her. This gives all of us hope.

Nancy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I'm delighted that the turn of events sounds so positive. Fingers crossed this is the beginning of a healthier path. by the way, lol, one of my biggest parenting problems is remembering to keep my mouth shut. Hugs DDD

Obviously, mine, too. She just called all giddy and happy. So as we were chatting she is laughing and says she is making these changes to "work on her relationship". She honestly sounded like she was kidding and just trying to get me riled up so it slipped about the ex-girlfriend. She honestly had NO idea. She asked me how I knew such a thing and I told her it was right there on his Facebook page. She would have seen it, too, had she pulled it up. Well, she hung up with me and went to check his page and she is blocked from it. He is such a coward!!!! He didn't even tell her that he was with this girlfriend again. difficult child thought they were still together and working on things. It was obvious to me that he was just trying to get her out so he could get back with this chick. He did the same thing to difficult child when he met her!
My friend texted me that difficult child was totally derailed by it and very upset but that she will be okay. OMG I feel like poo. Total and complete poo for being the one that brought it to light. But hopefully she will now see this loser for what he is - a LOSER.

 

[Tiredof33]

Really great news! The cowards like him don't break it off because he can always go back to her if it doesn't workout. I hope now she sees him for what he really is.

My difficult child met the girl of his dreams 2 years ago, first year was great then everything started falling when they both relapsed. He kept much of it from me until the very end, but she has cut off all ties to his friends. Not entirely her fault either!! Some of them he needed to lose!

Now your difficult child has a chance to meet someone that will help her in a positive way! I'm hoping mine will too!

 

[rejectedmom]

I am sorry that both of you had to experience this looser's retreat in the way you did. But I am also glad he is out of the picture. Hopefully you daughter will move on quickly and not dwell on the idiot and his rude treatment of her. Hope your friend can keep difficult child focused on her desire to improve her life. -RM

 

[DaisyFace]

PG--

This is HUGE news! Hopefully your daughter will get to experience a little bit of success and pride before she meets the next loser - and then maybe won't be so quick to hook up with him because she's learning to stand on her own two feet!

 

[PatriotsGirl]

PG--

This is HUGE news! Hopefully your daughter will get to experience a little bit of success and pride before she meets the next loser - and then maybe won't be so quick to hook up with him because she's learning to stand on her own two feet!

This is exactly what I am hoping for!!! My friend is a strong, independent woman who has had her fair share of troubles. She could learn a lot from her and I am hoping that she will. My friend told me that they are working outside today and were having lunch. I see nothing but good things coming as long as difficult child works hard and respects the person putting a roof over her head.

 

[recoveringenabler]

PG, I am happy for you and your difficult child, it all sounds promising and a real opportunity for her to start a new chapter in her life. I don't know, I read your post about you telling her about her ex-boyfriend and my first reaction was that this now formally ends that life she was living, and she can begin anew without him. It's tough to hear that for any of us, but it's what is true and she is now completely free and in a good living arrangement with your friend. I would be (and am with my difficult child too!!) "quietly, secretly and cautiously thrilled." It ALL sounds really good.

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Well, it turns out, her life was FAR worse than I could have possibly imagined. She had begun shooting up meth a couple of weeks ago. She has stolen food. Somehow, she has been living in a hotel the past couple of days. She was pretty bottomed out when my friend got her last night. My friend just called to update me on the day. She was a little inappropriate in front of the owner of the company. My friend commented to difficult child about how tired she looked and difficult child said she wasn't tired, but depressed. After the owner left, who is my friend's uncle, my friend told difficult child she shouldn't have said that - too much information. I told her difficult child is just not experienced in the working world and she said she completely understood and she didn't mind showing difficult child the ropes. I really pray this works out, but I am also more convinced than ever that she needs rehab. I cannot believe the lengths she went to just because she didn't want to go to rehab!

Part of me is thinking my friend is really wondering what she got herself into...but I am scared to death of what will happen to her if this doesn't work out....

 

[Kathy813]

PG, I am hoping and praying with all of my heart that this is the turnaround your difficult child needs. As far as being inappropriate, my difficult child has always said inappropriate things. I used to think it was an attention getter but now I am thinking she just doesn't realize that she is being inappropriate.

~Kathy

 

[PatriotsGirl]

PG, I am hoping and praying with all of my heart that this is the turnaround your difficult child needs. As far as being inappropriate, my difficult child has always said inappropriate things. I used to think it was an attention getter but now I am thinking she just doesn't realize that she is being inappropriate.

~Kathy

Same with mine. And mine seems to be brutally honest. I could not believe she would tell her that she had begun shooting up. This woman is my friend, but also her boss. (Course my friend admitted to me that she has tried "ice" a few times and can see how kids could become addicted...ugh)
She thinks difficult child used very recently. She thinks she was crashing today. She said difficult child was so tired that she couldn't keep her eyes open. (She did bust her tail at work today). It is just deja vu...PTSD, all those memories came flooding back of how she was when she was here and I think is she ever going to be normal? Is she ever going to be off of drugs?? Am I ever going to see my daughter for who she is underneath all of that? I am seriously beginning to wonder...

 

[recoveringenabler]

PG, yikes, the info keeps pouring in. My difficult child, a lot older then yours, has always been brutally honest too. As a person who has a lot of propriety, this has caused me some moments of sheer panic as she blurts out something honest, yet what most folks would just not say. It's as if she has no "filter" on social interactions. Whatever enters her mind comes flying out of her mouth, no editing at all. My daughter isn't a substance abuser so I don't know if that honesty has anything to do with drugs in other cases, my difficult child is just 'who she is.' Your girl is still so young, for me, I had to give up the notion of "normal" because we just weren't going to get there. But, on a more optimistic note, I have recently seen fragments of the woman my daughter used to be, the one I remember being joyful and engaged. So, there is always hope.

 

[Nancy]

PG my difficult child is much the same as yours and Kathy's. She says very inappropriate things and doesn't seem to have the common sense that most people have or the ability to stop things from coming out of her mouth that shouldn't.

Your difficult child needs someone like your friend to teach her the life lessons that she needs to function on her own, the things you cannot tell her because she won't listen to you. I hope your friend sticks with her.

I worry like you do that I will never see my difficult child underneath all the drugs and alcohol.

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

Oh gosh add my difficult child who makes inappropriate comments... he can be very very charming and likeable but he can also be really on the edge at times....

PG I really hope your difficult children decision to go live with your friend is a turning point for her and that she will listen and get mentored by your friend and stay away from the drugs!!! That would be huge.

TL

 

[Signorina]

My difficult child has a few good adult role models available to him - it's one of the ONLY reassuring/hopeful aspects of his life to me. I hold onto the hope that should he turn to these people (my brother, his boss, a few friends' parents) that he will be given good, non judgmental advice that does not bear the "stamp" of his parents. I only hope he turns to them someday or that their words sink in. I think your daughter has just found one of those people in her life and I am crossing my fingers for you both...

 

[pinevalley]

PG: What a wonderful friend you have to offer to mentor your difficult child, and to even let your difficult child live with her. I think that all the moms of difficult child's here would like to have an ex Marine offer life lessons to our kids! Your daughter is probably willing to listen to your friend more than to you just Because she is not getting advice from her mom. I am praying that this is the start of a new life for your difficult child. HUGS...

 

[wantpeace]

My difficult child is also brutally honest and has no filter in situations when he should keep his mouth shut. It's what has gotten him into trouble with police. He tells them EVERYTHING. I've wondered lately if he's trying to get in trouble on purpose after being the "good boy" for so many years. Weird.

My fingers are crossed for you PG. I think it will have a much greater impact for your difficult child to hear advice from someone other than a parent. They are too quick to blame us all the time, so this is an excellent learning experience for her. Try to focus on the positive.

Hugs,
wantpeace

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Well, in true difficult child fashion, just couldn't work out could it?? difficult child was obviously crashing and ended up sleeping for 26 hours. My friend let her sleep because she said her body needed it. Obviously she looked rough. And how does difficult child thank my friend??

I received a text at almost ten last night saying that difficult child yelled at her, left her Facebook open on her Kindle Fire, and left? I checked the phone records this morning and she was on the phone all night texting back and forth with the ex-boyfriend!! I also saw that she has been trying to call my friend this morning but my friend has not answered and I don't blame her one bit. I texted my friend back, but have not heard anything else.

Wait - difficult child just called yelling about how my friend is crazy and she was being responsible and showed up for work early, and my friend was not there. She said her and all of the other workers were waiting for my friend to get there, who was very late, so difficult child drove to the apartment to wake her up and my friend yelled at her and everyone else. She claims she did not yell at my friend. I asked her why she left last night and she said it didn't matter why she left, she just left. I said well she probably thought you left to go do drugs and that is exactly what I would have thought, too. difficult child's voice just kept going up and she was yelling and I said I wasn't going to listen to it and so she called me the C word as I was hanging up. Nice.

On another note, I couldn't contain myself from writing the ex the other day and letting him know what I thought about him. He wrote back that I have no idea how difficult child behaved at his home and how she was banned from there. He didn't tell me what she did, but I am not surprised. Her temper is just explosive. She needs help - real help - for both the drug problem and her head.

So she is spiraling out of control, I am getting wrapped up in her drama and problems again and I can feel that co-dependance rearing its ugly head. I HAVE to detach. Until she is ready and willing to get some real help, I feel that I have to remove myself from her life completely. I cannot be involved in all of this drama. It is not good for my job since I cannot focus and concentrate and it is not good for my husband because I just sit there and worry about difficult child all of the time. UGH. How do you take that step of removing yourself from them completely?