Latest on the Boy

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It was decided that he is not making any progress in the dual diagnosis hospital. he was becoming physical with staff and other patients. They decided to terminate placement and asked if I would pick him up. I told them that I would be bringing ass of his stuff to the hospital and to find him a place to go or turn him out in the street. I filed an order of protection and had it delivered to the facility along with documentation stating that he had not lived in my residence for over 2 years and that it is no longer his home. he is of age and can go where he wants. I have not spoken to my son since he threatened to kill me. I filled a report with the facility and with the police hence the protective order.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA you did what you had to do. That does not take away the anguish. I am so sorry. The train wreck that your son is living...what can I say?
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  3. Natsom

    Natsom Member

    Our mental health system is horrible. They can't handle him, so they want to send him home to you even though he has threatened to kill you? That's insanity!

    I was in a similar, but much less serious, situation with my son when he was 17. My son convinced them that he was no longer a threat to me. After going out in the parking lot to regain my composure, I took my son home. He was OK for a couple of days, then went back to his old ways.

    It was so frustrating. He refused to go to therapy, or detox, and I wasn't equipped to deal with his mental health issues. I thought if I called the authorities and he was taken in on a 5150, I would get help. It only made matters worse.

    Stay safe. I'll be thinking about you. Let us know how things progress.
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  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Pasa, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that things did not work out for him at the hospital.
    You are being very strong doing what you need to do to keep yourself safe and sane.
    ((HUGS)) to you...................
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Pasa you did the right thing. I am really hoping they find a place for him but you are right he cannot come home.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Pasa, you are an incredibly strong and brave woman. I'm so sorry it turned out this way, but you did what you had to do and I support you in all of it. Please take care of yourself.
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry it turned out this way.
    You did the right thing, the only thing you could do.
    Please take care of yourself, do something extremely nurturing for yourself today and in all the ensuing days.
    Sending you hugs, prayers and warm wished Pasa. I'm sorry.
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  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    All I can do is echo the other's statements; I am just so sorry. The hospital had seemed like such a good thing, what a pity he didn't take advantage of it. I guess I had missed the threat. You clearly can't have him home if he is threatening you. I can't believe the hospital would even suggest it.

    Sending prayers for you and for him.
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry Pasa. It is heartbreaking, but you do not have other choice.

    I will keep praying for both of you and your safety.
  10. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    I am so sorry this happened, but I am glad to know you had the presence of mind to handle the call as you did. You took care of everything on your end that you had power to take care of.

  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That was a terrible position to put you in.

    Whatever social services are available for him, whatever more the justice system can do for him, those services will kick in now. You protected yourself and your son too from the consequences that would have followed had he been released into your care.

    You did the right thing.

    For your safety, will you be kept informed of his whereabouts if and when he is released?

  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Our mental health system is pathetic. You did the only thing you could do. I hope they find another placement that can handle high needs young adults. How does society gain from this boy being given no other option? I truly hope he gets another chance with a place that is able to handle him, no matter how he behaves.

    Hugs to you, and thinking of your family.
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  13. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Pas, hugs to you this morning. Your post shows incredible presence of mind and courage and strength to do this very hard thing---the only right thing for yourself and ultimately, for him, I believe.

    I agree with the others that, please, please, can't there be an professional placement that can be an answer for situations like this instead of just giving up and saying "come get him." In what universe is that even a prayer of an option? It's so frustrating just to hear this story.

    But...How are you? I hope you slept last night and that you can go on today. We are here for you, Pas.

    Lots of hugs! Lots!
  14. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member


    I will never understand this type of care! Seriously their idea is to let him come home and take it out on you. I hate the system so badly.
  15. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA, if they believe your son presents a danger to others they cannot release him. They have to find a residential placement where he will not be dangerous to either himself or to anybody else.

    It does not seem clear to me on what basis they could have justified that kind of discharge plan...knowing he had threatened to kill you...knowing he was assaulting matter how minor.

    In my state there is a mandate that the police be called if somebody makes a threat as did your son, and a mental health professional becomes aware of it.

    If the police are called, they will take the person to a locked facility. As long as the person is perceived to be a danger, they will stay in that facility or another comparable one.

    I cannot conceive of the circumstances where a person in your son's state would just be released to the street. Both for his own or others' welfare. Given everything that has happened to him, I do not see how he could know how to care for himself. That is not say that any piece of this can be your responsibility. Social workers do it all.

    I recommend that you call your son's attorney. A whole lot of this acting out may stem from your son's mistreatment at the juvenile prison. Maybe there will be something that his legal representatives can do to advocate for get a placement and proper treatment. They need to be aware nonetheless.
  16. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Copa, You obviously do not live in Texas. My son has been discharged from numerous mental hospitals when he became to much for them to handle. He counts on it, and so far it has worked.
  17. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    PASA, I do not live in Tx. Like everybody else on this thread I find it appalling that you and he are being abandoned.
  18. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Texas has shut down most services for the mentally ill. The ones that are left are strained to the max with waiting lists that go on for days. They can not spend resources on someone that refuses to comply with treatment. His violence is calculated and he can control it. He has learned as early as kinder, that if his charm won't get him out of whatever it is he does not want to do, becoming violent will.
  19. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That's just awful, pasa.

  20. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Then, he and G-d and the System will have to work out where he goes with this. There is no other way to look at it.

    I am sorry.