Lol and Jabber: Update?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TessFromWA, Jun 10, 2015.

  1. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    LIL not Lol....why can't we edit the post title? Hahaha

    Anyway, haven't seen anything from you guys recently, just wondering how you're doing.

    Lil, I hope you've had a good recovery from your surgery.

    What's up with the pup? I know his apt was gone as of the first off the month, were you able to get any deposit back? Is he still couch surfing?

    Hope all is well, I miss your posts a lot.

  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Aw...Thanks for asking Tess. Funny you picked today given the first hiccup for a while was today.

    The boy has been actually pretty quiet. Jabber posted about the problem with the landlord. I have actually called a lawyer - have to get back in touch again now that I've found the lease. There's a possibility we'll not see a penny without actually suing. Maybe we will.

    Anyway, for a couple weeks we didn't hear much from our son, then he called/texted about Game of Thrones night. He came a couple hours early and we watched the two he missed and ate pizza. The usual. Next week same, except he wanted Taco Bell. I made pointed inquiries the first week about his community service. He insisted it was taken care of. Last Sunday I just asked about it, pointing out that I would NOT be going to court. He says he contacted the community service people and since he's unemployed they gave him another extension.

    It occurred to me the other day that he might just intend to let it go forever and then abscond. We'll see.

    He's living in an apartment with a bunch of other people and told me last Sunday he's actually pretty happy, there are people who talk to him...I told him, "You know, that's all I want, for you to be happy. But you won't be happy homeless when you can't pay rent or in jail because you don't pay court costs. That's why I harp on the job. You need an income to be happy." Again, we shall see.

    He called today, asking about the money from the landlord. I told him could be weeks, months or never. He asked about his cell phone, which we're disconnecting at the end of the month, "What am I going to do without a cell phone?" I told him get a job and get his own phone. "How will I get by, homeless without a phone?" I told him to get a government phone and that he should have had a job by now. I'll let him use a computer Sunday to apply.

    As for us, we've quit our second job, I'm back to work after my surgery, and sore, but otherwise okay. Not that I wouldn't rather be home. :)
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    Last edited: Jun 11, 2015
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am very happy that you are up and around. The soreness is just an unfortunate part of surgery. Baby yourself as much as possible. I am embracing my inner bum this summer.

    It's amazing that our troubled kiddos can complain about their lives out one side of their mouths, and talk about how happy they are with their current situation out the other side.
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  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Lil, you sound good. Hang in there. Glad you came through the surgery well.

    We're here for you if and when you need us. Our boys WILL BE boys, won't they?

  5. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    One thing Lil didn't mention was that he also said "How will you be able to get a hold of me if I don't have a phone?" Yeah, she admits that he is gearing up to try and manipulate her into either letting him keep the phone or getting him a new one.
  6. mtdenise

    mtdenise Member

    I cut off my son's phone back in December. He still has his phone (but no service) and uses a free app to get texts and call. I don't know much about it. Just wanted to let you know this exists so he can't use that as an excuse.
  7. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Actually, the phone he currently has is around 8 or 10 years old. He kept breaking his smart phone and we quit paying the insurance for a new one. Lil reminded him about the government assistance phones.
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    There is an app to make and receive calls without service. All that is needed is access to free WiFi. We communicate thru Facebook messaging too. And of course he can get free service. Stay strong Lil and Jabber. You are doing great.
  9. LoveSushi

    LoveSushi Member

    You should. It's the principle, remember? What he did was wrong, and someone (i.e. YOU and the slumlord-despising lawyer you contacted) has to make that very clear. Besides, I want to see Jabber lift his kilt, I missed it the first time. :laugh:

    It's hard for us to understand that our pups can be happy in a living situation that we would find intolerable. I don't think I'll ever get it. C'est la vie.

    You and me both! I'm glad you're doing well with the recovery and I'm really glad you and Jabber quit your second job. You deserve to devote energy and tender care to Lil and Jabber now. How's the effort going with the cleaner eating and more moving?

    It's such a struggle. I can feel myself stalling and slipping backwards, yet again, and I have just GOT to get the motivation back before I yo-yo right back to where I was a year ago. I've been indulging when I know I shouldn't, after a short holiday of culinary indulgence in the Carolinas.
    I'm finding it tough to get back on track!:angry-very2:
  10. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    My son always found a way to get in touch with me long after I stopped providing a cell phone. That was a very hard one for me, too, stopping that, but little by little I stopped it all.

    He got a government phone (then that would get lost, stolen or break) and then he used the library computers to fb message me until he got banned from there, then borrowed phones and used his old laptop and other computers he borrowed to text me and fb message me.

    They are some of the most amazingly resourceful people, these dcs,when they want to be.
  11. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    His current phone isn't a smart phone. It only has internet capability if you pay for it through the company and I'm fairly certain although not 100% that its old enough that it doesn't recognize wi-fi.
  12. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    We are doing ok on this. Not trying to make an overnight change. We acknowledge that the weight didn't get put on in a month so wont come off that fast either.

    Also, just to clarify, we are NOT even considering getting him another phone or contract. Well, Lil might want to but we aren't! And unfortunately, I'm regretting mentioning the lawyer to him. He seems to be banking on that money to do what he needs, hopefully not including his court costs but if he is, then that's on him. We've told him repeatedly that even IF, and that it was a very big IF, we get money for this it wont be much.
  13. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I know this drives Lil nuts but I have a tendency to compare our son to the inmates I work with. They just have SOOOOO much in common. Years ago I was the evening shift school officer and just floored me how much energy they would put into getting out of class. One day I was having a chat with one of the more....creative....slackers and pointed out to him that it would have only taken a fraction of the energy and time that he has expended on getting out of school to have just gone ahead and got it done. His response? I don't care. I don't want to go to school.

    Then again, I have said for a while now that a good portion of those in prison definitely rate the Difficult Child/difficult child moniker.
  14. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Not too bad. Of course, my surgery, and all the overtime leading up to my surgery, and now recovering from my surgery, has prevented me from much moving. I know I could take walks at lunch now - Jabber does - but I LIKE eating lunch and playing on the computer at lunch break and I HATE getting all sweaty during the work day! (It's 90 now - I'll sweat.) So I haven't been doing it. :(

    I'd say I do better with eating and Jabber does better with moving.

    Yes, the amount I put down as "his" goods value was $500 - $600. I itemized and put down value. You don't get replacement cost, you get actual value, and really there wasn't much. $10 for his dishes, $25 for his microwave, etc. I even gave $10 each for his t-shirts...since they were all from either concerts or Hot Topic and darnit those were $20 each when we bought them! But he just didn't have much.
  15. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Well, just got the phone call that he had been pushed in the pool with his phone. He doesnt want a crappy Obama phone, we need to keep him on our plan. Put him on speaker phone and after just a few minutes started to rant and cuss so Lil said hang up. He honestly doesnt understand why we wont keep paying for his cell service when he is 20. Oh, he did offer (terminology used loosely) to pay for the monthly cost to stay on our plan. Didnt even bother to remind him about the apartment fiasco. Game of Thrones night should prove a Chinese sense.
  16. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    You wouldn't believe the stories my son told about what happened to his most recent phone. I guess it's the same place all of the birth certificates and SS cards went.


    "Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll figure something out. Love you honey. Talk to you later. Bye."

    Hang in there.
  17. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    ......and yet he was using a phone to complain that he does not have a phone....... They obviously don't hear how ludicrous they sound :holymoly:
  18. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Well, he is living with three or four other people in an apartment that is practically poolside, so I could his story being true...and I could see him having someone let him use a phone for a few minutes to call us.

    After Jabber put him on speaker, I told him we'd dig up another old phone here and activate it for the next couple weeks, and by the end of the month he could have the government phone. He didn't like that. Too damn bad.

    In any event, what exactly did he think we were going to do about it at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night? Really? What was to be accomplished by calling and ranting at us? Even if we were inclined to get him a new phone and put it on our account, we couldn't do it then! All he managed to do was upset me to the point I couldn't sleep last night and make me more determined NOT to get him a phone.
  19. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    I hear this kind of crapola all the time. Just yesterday Difficult Child called and said, " Mom, would you like to go to lunch on Monday?" I told him I would love that (of course I always pay as he has NO job). In almost the same breath he said, "Oh, by the way, could you turn on my internet because I need GPS!" Noooooooooo, I cut it off because you abuse it. What a con.....! Gimme, gimme, gimme.......but he won't work!
  20. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Lil, I am not suggesting that his story is not true. He is resourceful. He managed to call you from a phone. He will almost always be able to find a way to keep in touch when he wants to. He is playing your mommy strings.