Lost

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 4sumrzn, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    I found this wonderful place awhile ago & have posted before about being "scared" to post about my difficult child & our life. I guess I just need to vent tonight as I'm "trying" to hold back the tears (made that mistake ONCE & experienced how much difficult child enjoyed it) and my shadow is close by as I finally put the headphones on for a bit of "music to my ears" to hopefully avoid the tears.

    *please forgive the typing errors, plenty I'm sure*

    I think I'm looking for a way to feel like there is "a light at the end of the tunnel for difficult child" and my family that suffers every day! Is that OK to say????

    difficult child has my head spinning in directions that I try to stop & get back on track.....she loses me ..."OUT THERE SOMEWHERE" is what I want to say SO BADLY. I know she is the one picked on & made fun of all of the time because she is "different"....not normal & needs help. The help?? I feel like I'm on a Merry-Go-Round {motion sickness inserted here} trying to do what is best for her & always have the feeling of failure.

    Every day is a battle. Never knowing what will happen next. She's loud....she hurts people & animals (a bit more gentle the past few months)...EVERYTHING is opposite (open it, she closes it...turn it on, she turns it off.....put clothes away, she pulls them out...runs in front of moving cars, I could go on). She has obsessions....smells EVERYTHING....licks things (trash cans, YUCK). Oh my, I'll quit.....my vent is VERY long...SORRY!

    I know this is a very long road...
    I try my hardest to make it as smooth as possible..
    I know some days are a bit better than others..
    I know there is a reason why I was blessed with this little girl....
    I try to give it my all..
    I feel like there is always MORE I can do & can't find it..
    I catch myself needing mental breaks & feel guilty...

    Yes, we are waiting on a complete evaluation at Cincinnati Children's Hospital (finally have one..5/2008)

    difficult child has been visiting a Neurologist 1/04...Psychologist...Psychiatrist & had a IEP set in Kindergarten. medications...yes.

    WHY do I feel like I can't give her MORE?????????
     
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sweetie,
    Don't feel bad about needing mental breaks-we all need them. You are doing all you can for her. Sounds to me like you need some serious "me" time. You need to be sure to take care of yourself. I know without my exercise and my "me" time after difficult child falls asleep I would be in serious trouble.

    I'm sorry tonight was so rough. Gentle hugs to you.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}}
    Many of us have been where you are tonight. Your head is going to hurt if you keep slamming it into the wall. It can all be too much, especially as the busy holiday season approaches and our children have more difficulty.
    My Duckie will be seven in January, about the same age as your little girl. Have I seen growth in the last few years? Definitely. But her future is still what I worry for in the middle of the night.
    Raising a difficult child is a marathon, not a sprint.
    You can't give her more than what you have. And you need to find a way to take time for yourself so that your reserves are replenished. Find something that speaks to your heart and pursue it, something that gives you joy with very little stress. I volunteer, but I know another mother of a difficult child that creates quilts for nursing home patients. Others go to bingo or join book clubs. The point is, however, that we've found something we can enjoy despite our struggles in parenting difficult children.
     
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I started to type out something profound, then realized that they're just words and they're not going to change anything. I know I've felt - and still do - what you're feeling right now. Raising a difficult child is overwhelming on the best of days.

    Just know you're not alone and we are here to listen, support and offer encouragement. And we understand.

    (((hugs)))
     
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Listen: you're busting yourself into a million different pieces for your family right now. You can't give her more because you've given everything that you could until YOU get more information about her diagnosis, etc.

    Hence the appointment. 5/2008. Call Children's Hospital and see if there are any cancellation lists. Keep checking, you never know when one might open up!

    Now, I don't want to hurt your feelings, so if I am, please don't feel that I'm trying to be mean. But have you considered the possibility that you may be clinically depressed? Think about it:

    1. you have a difficult child (many, many of the moms on here are suffering from it - having a difficult child tends to make us this way!)
    2. you ended up with major heart problems after difficult child was born
    3. you're feeling exhausted

    You've got 3 of the MAJORS! Would you consider the possibility of medications? If so, talk to the psychiatrist and see if you meet the criteria. I could be waaaay off base, so I certainly hope I'm not offending!

    Many hugs to a fellow "beat my head against the wall" type!!

    Beth
     
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Sweetie, please don't be so hard on yourself.

    You are doing everything you possibly can, and then some on top of it. You most certainly can use some time to take care of you. You need time to refresh, renew, rejuvenate.

    If *you* are not operating at your full potential, how can you possibly care for *her* properly?

    Get HS sweetheart to give you some you time. THEN, see who you can get to give you and husband some time for a date.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  7. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I only have one child and it's hard. I remember when difficult child was 7. Life for all of us was very tough. Many days I was barely hanging on by my fingernails. But little by little things improved, and are much better now (most days anyway lol). Hang onto the hope.

    And I couldn't agree more about you taking care of yourself. As selfish as it sounds and feels, you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your difficult child and family.

    Hugs
     
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It's all be said, so I'll just add some gentle hugs, arms to comfort you, a shoulder to lean on and to use to sob your heart out. These are all things we need with our children. Cry if you need to. If your daughter tries to use it as a weapon against you, simply remind her you are human and have feelings, too. Even mommies have the right to cry.
     
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