In counseling, N. admitted that she is happy that me and her birthmother are in touch and she likes seeing the pictures that are sent, but she doesn't want to meet her yet. That works out well because her birthmother's hub is "iffy" about contact at this point--they have three kids. Meanwhile, N. no longer is sad that maybe birthmom didn't love her or gave her up because "something must have been wrong with me." She knows her birthmom cares about her a great deal. The birthmom is awesome, thanks us for giving N. a good life all the time and says "she's your daughter, not mine." We have been writing back and forth like old friends as I share pix and stories about N. and we have also talked about our own lives because we had been good friends before the adoption. So she doesn't have to worry about N. and N. doesn't have to worry that her b-mom didn't care for her. N. seems very content and not overly obsessed with b-mom anymore. It is turning out good. In counseling, we all decided, N. included, to forget about felon birthfather and his family for right now. I just wanted to share this. Perhaps we are luckier than some in that N's birthmother is a thoughtful, caring, mature young woman. She is also very courageous. So many birthmother's back off on the adoption at the last minute, but she saw it through because she felt that N. would be better off in a two parent home and FAR away from birthfather. She is not a drug abuser or dysfunctional so one day, when we all meet again, N. won't be thrown into a dysfunctional relationship. I see a lot of N's stability as some good genes from birthmother because they sure as HELL didn't come from her birthfather. Thanks to all who read my angst over this and who bothered to respond to it. I wanted to give everyone an update. It couldn't be turning out better. Our adoption counselor has called this "A picture book adoption" because N. thoughtfully picked us, we loved each other, and our interests are that N. comes first. I wish all my adopted kids had this type of adoption, but...oh, well. Anyway, thanks again for all who supported me.