Lovemysons, how are you?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Estherfromjerusalem, May 4, 2014.

  1. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Tammy, we haven't had an update from you in quite a while. How are you? If you have the time, please give us an update.
    Love, Esther
  2. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi dear Esther,

    I am fine...Just busy being a grandma or a retired Casino Queen, lol.

    I am trying very hard to keep my emotional state in check. Young difficult child has had a job now for around a month and all he can do every time I talk to him is complain. He is in another state doing fire alarm cable installation. He is the "lead" man over this job and has two workers to help him. He is extremely stressed and disorganized...he keeps losing things.

    He and I talked this past weekend when he was home and he expressed alot of resentment towards husband and I for not "helping" "supporting" him when he was down. Essentially allowing him to be homeless. Now, in reality he was hospital hopping and never truly homeless.

    He claims he will never treat his children as we have treated him. Time will tell. I remember thinking how perfect my family would turn out in comparison to how husband's family turned out...cause of course I was doing such a better job than husband's mother and father did...HA! Those thoughts came to bite me in the rear as my difficult child''s became drug-addicted teenagers. All the things I thought insured having a stable, happy, family came undone.

    So...right now I am a bit concerned about what will become of young difficult child if this new job doesn't work out. He just sounds SO miserable. Oh, and he is no longer taking Bipolar medication and he is drinking.

    I hope you and your big beautiful family are well Esther.
    Love to you and thank you for thinking of me.
  3. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Tammy, thanks for the update.
    I will continue being concerned about you and hoping to hear that young difficult child will sort himself out and get his priorities right.
    Love, Esther
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh LMS....Im sorry youngest is being a jerk. Why on earth do they do that? One day that will bite him where the sun dont shine. Cory got very lucky with his oldest daughter but the youngest is much like him. She has a raging case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and I doubt the terrible two's are going anywhere fast. She is now in day care and has already been in trouble a couple of times for pushing kids. Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) drives me insane.

    Oh and he seems to attract people just like him and then he finds out just how irritating he was to us. I find that
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Janet -

    I don't mean to thread jack but could the baby's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) be her attempt to bring sense and order into her chaotic life? She can't control her parents' craziness and resultant lack of structure but she can try to control herself in her environment?

    Tammy -

    I hope youngest son finally comes to realize the blessings he has in his life - parents who love him, a wife who stands by him, a mother in law who has more patience than Job, three beautiful children, intelligence, good looks...
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Esther please don't spend much time being concerned about me...I am fine...really. I just don't know how long this current job situation will last for young difficult child but I do know I should count my blessings while I have them. And right now things are relatively good!

    I too hope young difficult child will get his priorities straight one of these days. For whatever reason(s) he doesn't really feel a strong sense of attachment to his own family. He doesn't feel the responsibility for them that he should. I think much of this has to do with husband and I and his mother in law supporting their family in one way or another for the past 7 yrs...ensuring that the grandkids would be okay. But time will tell about that too. They are not teenagers yet. Thank goodness!

    Yes, it is our Julie, my middle granddaughter that will be young difficult child's greatest challenge. She is a risk taker and does not learn the first time defiant to try and learn things her OWN way in her own time. But she is also strong...fiercely determined. We are hoping to get her into gymnastics or something where she can work hard at something she enjoy's and excel.

    I talked to her brother last night (Oldest grandson is 6). I asked him if he missed his sisters as they have been apart this past week and he said he didn't miss Julie..."she's so mean" lol the same thing my oldest difficult child and easy child used to say about young difficult child when they were young and away from each other for a week or so.
    What is it about the middle children in our family?
    Anyway, It's good to "see" you.

    Hi Sven,
    I hope he begins to see the blessings too but it may be a bit of a problem for him as he does not have a value system based on a loving Creator...he thinks everything we have been given is a "happy accident". His feelings or knowledge base dictate everything...if that makes sense.
    I don't think he has the capacity to appreciate a gift at a very deep level.

    Thank you for the care.
    Hugs and love,
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad you are filling your time with your own life now. It is important that you NOT help youngest until he starts to straighten out his life. His claims that you have not helped him are pure nonsense and if you ever start to doubt that, let me know. I will remind you of ALL you have done for him, and how far and above you have gone for him. He was given all the tools he needs to live a happy and successful life, and not using those tools is a CHOICE. Sure, addiction is a disease, but you can CHOOSE to heal and rise above or to stay sick and wallow. I hope that he stops wallowing someday, but that is not for anyone but him to choose.

    Your grands are precious and being their gma and helping raise them and support them is another way you help difficult child, but it is a way he totally doesn't care about and that is on him. He will reap the problems he has created in his relationship with his children when they are older, and that will be smething else for him to deal with and you to not be blamed for or involved with.

    I hope he figures out how to fix his life at some point, but even if he doesn't, you and husband need to go on and enjoy your lives. Your universe does NOT revolve around the things Youngest thinks you owe him. He has taken more than enough of your resources and thrown them back in your face time and time again. Someday he will hopefully see this and give you the apology he owes you.
  8. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you for kind acknowledgement.

    Last night, after difficult child got home from out-of-state work, difficult child called me and asked me "Am I good person mom?" I spoke with him only a few mins before getting off the phone and calling my daughter in law's number. She answered and said she was cooking for she and my Grandson. My granddaughters are out of town with daughter in law's mother.

    I asked daughter in law if difficult child was drunk or on something and she said Yes. I told her to stay engaged with grandson and not to talk to difficult child and to call the police if necessary. All seemed okay at that moment ...but yet there was lingering doubt.

    I called back about 30 mins later and my grandson answered daughter in law's phone. Grandson told me his mom and dad were fighting and that he was scared and he asked if I could come over.
    I told him I would be there and to stay in a safe place away from his parents.

    I stayed on the phone with my grandson for most of the drive there...which is around 30 mins. I got there and difficult child was out in front of the house smoking cigarettes. I went inside and checked on Grandson...daughter in law walked outside to be with difficult child...she is such an idiot sometimes!

    I told grandson that I would stay with him until everything was calm. He shared candy with me and showed me some of his toys and we talked about the dogs etc. Trying to keep it light.

    I went out front and of course difficult child is raising his voice at daughter in law. Both accusing the other of using this or that drug. I came very close to calling the police but there was no physical violence going on. I was very stern with both of them and told them straight up that they are destroying their 6 yr olds chilchood. I asked them if they wanted to give him a reason to drink and drug someday??? I told them that grandson will grow up insecure and not being able to trust either one of his parents to keep him safe! I was livid!!! They both seemed to hang their heads in shame for a minute.

    I left difficult child outside and daughter in law came in at some point and crawled into bed with Grandson. Both of them invited me to stay the night and I was prepared to do so but difficult child came in and and asked if he could "be with his familly".

    After deciding the situation was calmed down enough to leave...difficult child asked me if I needed any gas money to get home and at first I said I always do...but look at where his money if going! To drug use!!! I accepted $10 from him and left.

    My hope is all stayed calm after I left last night. I have put a call into daughter in law's mother and hopefully she will call me back before getting back into town today so I can tell her what happend.

    I am very close now to calling CPS on both daughter in law and Young difficult child.
    Grandson does not need to live this way. The whole situation was very sad.

    And I am a bit disturbed that I am the only one out of husband and I racing across town in the middle of the night to rescue grandson...husband slept!!!

    ps...Young difficult child leaves for another out-of-state job on Monday. Right now I wish he would stay gone!
  9. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Tammy, you really are an amazing mother and grandmother. You coped so well with an awful situation. You are quite right to be concerned about what a six-year-old hears and thinks, but you can be sure that with you in his life, he certainly has an element of stability that you are providing. And it does sound as if daughter in law is a good mom to her kids.

    Hang in there -- he will have gone again by the time you read this so the stress element will have more or less gone.

    Still thinking about you lots,

    Love, Esther
  10. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much Esther...

    Yesterday I told daughter in law that if something like this ever happens again I WILL call the police or CPS. I do not want young difficult child's children to live in fear.

    daughter in law let me know that I am creating a REAL situation...a division between their family and husband and I if I ever "come between her and her children". So this tells me...that daughter in law may NOT stop using whatever drug she is using now (from what I hear it's Hydrocodone). It tells me that a situation like this may happen again.

    I used to think daughter in law was a good mom. And maybe she is underneath the drug use she is doing now along with young difficult child. I used to trust her...but not so much now.

    In any event, they were to have a Birthday party for my 2 yr old granddaughter today. In fact, both of my son's have 2 yr olds this week. We were disinvited to attend a second birthday party for young difficult child's daughter and we were never invited to begin with to oldest difficult child's daughters birthday party...both party's today.

    The reason we were not invited to oldest difficult child's is likely because of my mental illness and his sisters (easy child) thought to be gay. See, oldest difficult child and his wife are the type that want to homeschool and live in the country far removed from society. Oldest difficult child told me this the other day after his dad prompted him to call me on Mother's Day. They isolate and want to control everything in their daughter's lives and in my humble opinion...they live in fear.

    I do have pics of both my granddaughters as my mother went to oldest difficult child's daughters' birthday party today and daughter in law's mother had a party for young difficult child's daughter the other day when she was out of town and so she sent pics from that party as well.

    husband and I drove to my mother's to drop off presents for oldest difficult child's daughter. Then we drove to daughter in law's mothers home and dropped off young difficult child's daughter's presents. I did get to see young difficult child's older children and they were very excited to see grandpa and I. 2 yr old granddaughter was asleep and supposibly daughter in law and young difficult child were out buying a cake.

    Life's irony's. One son who is too good for us. The other son who we are too good for...and so we did not attend either of our granddaughters birthday party's.

    Being a grandma today is bitter-sweet Esther.
    But as long as my grandchildren are safe and happy (with or without us)...I will try to be happy too.

    with love,