bluebell
Well-Known Member
I met son for lunch on Saturday and it didn't go very well. We kicked him out 2 weeks ago because he threatened my husband when we approached him about quitting his job and making his (cosigned) car payment.
He had been blowing my phone up saying he was tired of texting and that he wanted to talk to me. Wanted to come by and me bring him out some food. I don't want him here so I said I would meet him. I had some things to say to him too (yeah right).
Well it didn't go too well. He was ok at first, telling me he was moving out of this house into another, blah blah blah but when I started asking questions on logistics, etc it all fell apart. Then he went into a rant on how his father never patted him on the back unless it was after he hit him (! this kid instigated every physical altercation between him and his father, this has been an issue forever, it's almost like he got it into his head every since he started trying to get rid of him that this was how !), has always wished he had just left after he cheated on me back in 2007 (son was 11, I know it got ugly between us but we never really involved the kids, even my daughter attests to that). That he did what all kids do at 13 -sneaking out, drugs, juvenile arrests, school expulsions - and we just overreacted. Doesn't listen to fact that things never got heated because of what he did but how he reacted to the consequences - extreme disrespect and more of the same. Seems to be very bothered by the fact that I make more than his dad, and this somehow makes him less of a man. I don't know where that comes from, I went into this marriage knowing I would make more. Of course, I mentioned getting help for his mood disorder/addiction, but was rejected. He says he is clean but has to leave the house he's been staying at because of all the drugs. Yeah right, he's not clean, he probably owes them money that he can't repay or something. He got that butt-hurt look on his face that means he is going down the victim rabbit hole and I just had to leave.
This is all so ludicrous. I'm not going to sit there and defend his father and say 'oh there there I know you feel mistreated but he loves you so very much'... etc etc. Of course we have made mistakes parenting. Of course we have made mistakes in our marriage. Shoot, daughter's boyfriend has every reason to feel this way with his parents, horrible situation I won't go into here, but basically career criminals and drug addicts. Yet he is the most loving, respectful and grateful person I have ever met at the same age. Go figure...
So now the overwhelming feeling of sadness still prevails, I feel so sorry for my husband. He was adopted and has loved that child fiercely from day 1 as his flesh and blood. All of this hand wringing and mopping up for the last 9 years was for what? For him to hate his dad and keep using me up as a resource it seems.
He had been blowing my phone up saying he was tired of texting and that he wanted to talk to me. Wanted to come by and me bring him out some food. I don't want him here so I said I would meet him. I had some things to say to him too (yeah right).
Well it didn't go too well. He was ok at first, telling me he was moving out of this house into another, blah blah blah but when I started asking questions on logistics, etc it all fell apart. Then he went into a rant on how his father never patted him on the back unless it was after he hit him (! this kid instigated every physical altercation between him and his father, this has been an issue forever, it's almost like he got it into his head every since he started trying to get rid of him that this was how !), has always wished he had just left after he cheated on me back in 2007 (son was 11, I know it got ugly between us but we never really involved the kids, even my daughter attests to that). That he did what all kids do at 13 -sneaking out, drugs, juvenile arrests, school expulsions - and we just overreacted. Doesn't listen to fact that things never got heated because of what he did but how he reacted to the consequences - extreme disrespect and more of the same. Seems to be very bothered by the fact that I make more than his dad, and this somehow makes him less of a man. I don't know where that comes from, I went into this marriage knowing I would make more. Of course, I mentioned getting help for his mood disorder/addiction, but was rejected. He says he is clean but has to leave the house he's been staying at because of all the drugs. Yeah right, he's not clean, he probably owes them money that he can't repay or something. He got that butt-hurt look on his face that means he is going down the victim rabbit hole and I just had to leave.
This is all so ludicrous. I'm not going to sit there and defend his father and say 'oh there there I know you feel mistreated but he loves you so very much'... etc etc. Of course we have made mistakes parenting. Of course we have made mistakes in our marriage. Shoot, daughter's boyfriend has every reason to feel this way with his parents, horrible situation I won't go into here, but basically career criminals and drug addicts. Yet he is the most loving, respectful and grateful person I have ever met at the same age. Go figure...
So now the overwhelming feeling of sadness still prevails, I feel so sorry for my husband. He was adopted and has loved that child fiercely from day 1 as his flesh and blood. All of this hand wringing and mopping up for the last 9 years was for what? For him to hate his dad and keep using me up as a resource it seems.