Mommy Meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by CCRidr2, May 8, 2007.

  1. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    Well, it was bound to happen! I have finally had a meltdown, crying off and on for 2 days now (time for psychiatrist for Mommy?)! difficult child was a mess last night, got off the bus from school and nearly got pancaked by the neighbor backing out of his drive because difficult child wasn't looking (big surprise), he put the second hole in a wall in my NEW house and we've only been here 2 months then of course lied about it, destroyed brothers stuffed dog by chewing it's ear off, and was just generally a hyper mess. Two weeks ago it was running a crayon down the entire length of my van several times. Last week it was digging a hole in his bedroom wall. We can't keep him in bed at night, he only sleeps about 6-7 hours. He sneaks around the house getting into food, he lit candles a couple months ago and tried to light a oil lamp, climbs on counters, plays out in the garage, etc. husband says we can't lock him in his room at night (what if there is a fire) and I can't find a door alarm to save my life that isn't 900db or above. I don't want to wake the whole neighborhood every time he gets out of his room. I am seriously scared that he is going to get himself or us hurt or dead. My 2 easy child's are frustrated, 1 has to share a room with him. My mother in law thinks I am too hard on him and I should let up but even she won't keep him overnight anymore because he won't stay in bed and sneaks around HER house. His teacher says he's hanging around with the "bad kids" in school and imitating their bad behaviors. I feel guilty when I am ecstatic when the bus comes in the morning and dread it coming back in the afternoon (what happened/is going to happen today). I actually told him last night that he was sitting on his bed grounded indefinitely. I dread going to the store or anywhere else because he may have a meltdown about something. I feel guilty because I gladly go to the store after husband gets home from work and leave difficult child with him and take the easy child's with me. I feel like the worst mother in the world and maybe it's me that's causing this behavior or making it worse. I know it isn't but I'm not feeling rational at the moment. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, I feel a little better (eyes just watering instead of dripping now).

    Cyndi
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I'm sorry but I've forgotten your story -- has your difficult child had a recent evaluation by a board-certified child psychiatrist and/or neuropsychologist? I have a strong suspicion there's more going on than ADHD/ODD. Is your difficult child on any medications? If so, are they making things better or worse?

    I hope in your heart that you know you didn't cause this behavior. It's definitely out of the realm of "normal" and screams "disorder." Figuring out exactly what's going on and then putting the proper interventions into place will make a world of difference for all of you.

    Sending many gentle hugs your way.
     
  3. CCRidr2

    CCRidr2 Sheena-Warrior Momma

    We haven't seen a psychiatrist yet although it is quickly becoming evident that we need one. Our difficult child is on 10 mg focalin xr in am and 2.5 reg focalin in afternoon to soften crashing. The focalin seems to help more than the others he has been on, adderall and ritalin, without making him a zombie.

    As he gets older though, the behavior worsens and bio mother was diagnosis'd bipolar. We are beginning to believe that he is Early Onset Bi-Polar (EOBP), bio mother had problems from birth with this but wasn't diagnosis'd until age 25. Her mother is my greatest support in all of this besides husband although it took husband 6 years to realize that his behavior wasn't "normal boyish" stuff. She has "been there and done that" although she is a bit of a control freak, which I can now relate to because she had to be with her difficult child. I appreciate all the support here from those going through the same things though! :smile:
     
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    With BiPolar (BP) in the family tree and the behaviors you're reporting, your difficult child really needs a psychiatrist evaluation ASAP. Nothing's going to begin to improve until he gets on the right combo of medications and receives therapeutic interventions to learn coping skills.
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with smallworld you need to have him see a psychiatrist asap. You also need to be gentle with yourself and find some me time if at all possible. Lose yourself in a good book, take a relaxing bubble bath, exercise. I remember when difficult child used to not sleep it was so exhausting (notice my board name). For us it got to the point when we had to use sleeping medications for our difficult child-it was the only thing that really helped with the sleep things. Hugs.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'll be honest with you - I love school! It's respite for me every single day. AND I do NOT feel guilty. Do not beat yourself up for needing a break from an irratic & unstable difficult child. It's called being human.

    Having said that, I hope you can find help for your difficult child sooner rather than later.
     
  7. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Ahh, yes, been there, done that (been there done that). Tried and tried to hold it together, the patience runs thinner and thinner, difficult child finds your very last nerve...and then you just can't take it one more second. And you explode.

    And THEN! Then they have the AUDACITY to look at YOU like you are 3-headed.


    The nerve.


    Sweetie, I have been there, just bawling. Everytime I looked at her, the tears welled up. Scared because I did not know what the future held. What helped me is when I finally turned it over. Doesn't mean I still don't worry, or am not concerned, it just means I came to terms with the fact that this is how my life is going to be. And that if it is this hard for me, imagine how hard it is for her.

    Sigh. I am babbling. I'm tired. I'll shut up now. Hope I helped a little. Prayers and hugs your way.
     
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Cyndi,I hear you. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're exhausted.
    I do the crying thing, too. I'm going on antidepressants.
    You've GOT to have time alone. And you've got to get more sleep. There are lots of good ideas here on this bb.

    We had a lock put on our difficult child's door (luckily, we agreed on that issue). He got a regular bed very early--1 yr--because he was climbing out of his crib head first and he had a wooden floor. He absolutely adored his Big Boy Bed, but of course, wouldn't stay in it. The dogs (collies) kept him at the top of the stairs for a cpl yrs, but then he grew so much bigger, he overpowered them, so that's when we put the lock on the door. He broke it (it was an actual doorknob) when he was 8 or so. Now he listens about 80% of the time when we tell him to go to him room (yes, there is hope!) so he doesn't need a lock any more.
    by the way, we were worried about a fire, too, but between our smoke alarms and the dogs, not to mention the fact that we don't smoke and we'd had a new furnace installed, we felt secure enough that we went ahead with-the plan.
     
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