More easy child than difficult child lately - Wow!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by C.J., Apr 6, 2009.

  1. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    Fair warning - for those of you who tear up easily - this may do you in.

    I have shared with you that N* and I met with the couple who will adopt N*'s baby after the baby's birth - due date late spring.

    We met with them again yesterday for lunch with N*'s older brother and his wife, and today at N*'s OB/GYN appointment. N* was up late Saturday night preparing a card/letter to give the couple. I'm paraphrasing, "Dear New Parents, I know both of us share similar hopes and dreams for this little boy. It took me a long time to appreciate and process this experience. I know there was a reason this was meant to happen for the both of us. The word gratitude does not begin to convey all that I am feeling and want to say. I've edited this letter over and over again, but I guess until there are better words, I will have to say thank you. With sincerity and respect, N*."

    No kidding - her words. It took her two hours to make the greeting card and write this letter. I warned the couple when we sat down that there may be tears - so be careful.

    After brother and wife left to take their 3 year old home for a nap, we stayed at the restaurant another hour or so, visiting and getting to know one another a little better. They read N*'s card, and got teary eyed. When N* asked the couple what names they were thinking about, they told N* they had not decided on a first name yet - told us the ones they were considering, but they had selected a middle name. It will be the name of N*'s older brother. N* will be able to give the baby a name for the first birth certificate, and then the parents will have the permanent one issued by the state. N* chose her brother's name as the baby's middle name for the first birth certificate. By the time we were ready to leave, N* had asked the woman if she wanted to be in the delivery room with her (woman is in medical field).

    Who is this child/young woman, and where has she been for the last six years? When N* told me she was pregnant, I envisioned many months of Hades while she was pregnant, followed by years of even more Hades -- I guess I've learned to prepare for the worst, hold out little hope for something better for so long -- this has all taken me by a very pleasant surprise. I am enjoying this part for as long as it will last.
  2. Dollhouse

    Dollhouse Guest

    Wow, how sweet of your daughter to request that the adoptive parents be in the delivery room. That's wonderful. It seems like she is stepping up to the plate, although, this must be hard for her too.

    I'm like you -- I always prepare for the worst and never think anything positive may happen as I've been toiling in stress and the flames of Hades for a loooong time. However, when those 'bright spots' come along, albeit, few -- I guess we should embrace them the best we can and be thankful that the sun has poked thru the clouds, even if for a minute.

    Best Wishes,
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    What a big step she has taken in both the emotional and social parts of her life. She seems to be processing the decision she's made in a mature and adult manner. I am so glad she has chose a couple that she is able to "click" with. Maybe this will be the beginning of a new life for more than just the baby. Thanks for sharing.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Seems pregancy has done alot to mature your difficult child as it did mine. Even though she won't be keeping the baby, she still shares a bond with him. It can be a life altering experience for those who let it be. I hope it is the beginning of a new path for difficult child.

    Is difficult child going to get some counseling after birth? I'd imagine handing over the baby, even when you've gone thru the whole process before birth, is going to be mighty rough on her......might be a good idea to have something in place.

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I agree with Daisy about having something in place for N. I was a preadoptive foster mother for many years befor I went into the abused children. It was hard on the birth mothers even when they were very sure about their decision to place the child for adoption. Please tell N that this board Auntie is very proud of her and that she is a brave and loving person. -RM
  6. Dollhouse

    Dollhouse Guest

    Yes, your daughter is very brave and courageous indeed.
  7. C.J.

    C.J. New Member

    The private social worker she is going through is meeting with N* for both pre and post adoption counselling sessions. She also runs a monthly support group (free) for birth mothers, too.

    I think N*'s attitude shift has been the most remarkable thing. I know there are rough patches ahead. The couple she chose have shared with N* how honored they feel to have had N* select them for the parents, and I believe they will encourage her to spend a lot of time with the baby - especially those first several months. I think when N* sees that he is much loved and cared for, she will truly be at peace with her decision.
  8. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    All I cann say is WOW! Teary eyed would describe it. I'm so glad it's such a good fit for all of them. She is truely making adult decisions now.