my first post - long and venting apologies in advance

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by maxsmum, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. maxsmum

    maxsmum New Member

    I have read the posts here for a few years now and this is my first time to post.

    My ODD undiagnosed CD and likely ASPD (if they would diagnose before 18) 14 year old son is in the USA's only parent driven Drug Court. (The parent submits a petition to child services stating that their child is endangering themselves and you can take your child to juvenile court weekly to make them accountable and keep them safe - my boy spends weekends in Juvie Detention quite often and is currently serving 17 days for an unrelated probation violation). It is an amazing resource and I feel truly blessed to be in it.

    My son is the most difficult and disrespectful kiddo there and they really do not know what to do with him. The court cannot handle my son due to his disrespectful behavior towards the Supreme Court judge. This guy, for the rest of the week, has the power to give the death penalty (and has) yet my son will tell him "f$&% you" and has also suggested that he slept with his wife. Highly embarrassing for any parent.

    The rest of my family comply with all the rules and support the system whole heartedly. My sons behavior is the reason we needed their help in the first place.

    They served ME a motion today to tell me that as he is not currently in inpatient treatment so we are in contempt of the court and therefore have a court hearing on 09/26 for a motion to dismiss us from the program.

    In May this year we sent him the nearest secure, (due to him being a high run risk) dual diagnosis, (due to undiagnosed mental health issues) facility under the courts recommendation. This was in another state and he was taken by secure transport at a hefty price. After 21 days of a 90 day program, they called an ambulance, strapped him to a gurney and sent him to the ER as they could not handle him. (As an aside : at this time we were on our way from Northern WA to South OR to visit him and would have gladly taken him home.)

    The hardest thing is that I am on friendly terms with all of the staff members of the court, including the judge and this feels like such a personal low blow to get him out on a technicality.

    That said, I am an educated woman and am addressing every issue on the motion and putting it right before the hearing. They are going to have to do better next time! I know they will throw us out soon. I will not have them blame me. I have called an inpatient facility and I will comply. I will do anything to help my family.

    Thanks for listening :)
  2. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Oh boy yours is a heartbreaking story..... I think it is great to have a parent driven drug court. My son has been in drug court here and they have helped a lot... of course now he is on the run but that is his choice.

    In many ways it is so much easier when your kid is over 18 because then legally you are not responsible for them.... and so the court system has to deal with them.

    Sounds like you are doing a great job advocating for yourself and for your son.

    I guess spending time in juvie doesnt phase him?? Man that is hard.

    My son definitely got a wake up call being in jail... he hated it and it helped him get on track for awhile here and there.... of course now he is on the run because he definitely does not want to go back to jail.


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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow. Never heard of a parent driven drug court and not sure I'd like it. Especially if I knew the people involved. It's clearlynot helping your son.That doesn't mean it doesn't help other kids, but your son isn't responding to it. M aybe he'd respond better if he didn't know the people who are sitting judgment on him...

    How old is your son and where is his father? Is his father maybe kind of like him so that maybe he inherited this rigid, uncaring personality?

    I have a son who has some antisocial traits and has done some things that I think (I'm not sure) are quite criminal and horrid, but he is way too smart to get caught. He did not respond to therapy at all. It is hard to give consequences to a child who doesn't care about them and giving them love doesn't work. They use that love to try to get things from us.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart and hope you can find some peace in your situation.
  4. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    My son has never responded to any kind of therapy. That doesn't mean that we didn't try and try and try. I worry so much about him, despite trying to detach. It's almost overwhelming and makes me sick to my stomach.

    I'm so sorry for what you are going through. If it's any consolation, we have all been in a position of throwing up our hands!!! We want so badly for them to act, well, just decent. Is that too much to ask? A decent human being...that's all.
  5. GuideMe

    GuideMe Active Member

    I am so sorry, I kind of know what you're going through. I would say it is impossible to keep up with all the demands of your child and no one is trying harder than you, so sorry if that slipped through the crack. maybe next time remind me instead of threatening me.