My Granddaughter Was Sexually Assaulted - HELP

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Gramma, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    Today on the afternoon school bus, my 9 yr old difficult child (mentally challenged) was sexually assaulted by another student - both sitting in the front seat of the bus!!

    As she put it, "he grabbed my {edited by adm} and my pee-pee". We asked if she said, "NO" and she said, "No, I said STOP!!" The principal wasn't in so I called the Superintendent, left a message, he called back. He assured me that this was not acceptable and that it would be investigated and dealt with.

    A few weeks back, another boy was kissing her against her will. I tried to get the school to do something, but I guess nothing has been done on that. I guess I shouldn't expect the school to do anything now on the assault incident.

    We are going to make a police report as soon as we get home from work tonight. My daughter said to call Child Protective Services and report it. I guess we will do that after we talk to the police.

    What else should we do??? I figured this would happen when she was in her teens, but didn't expect it now.

    Thanks for your advice.
     
  2. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Omg gramma, that is terrible. Do you know who did this to your grand daughter? I hope the police are helpful. I would not rely on the school's investigation alone. How awful. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs~
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Whoa! Straight to the cops, the bus company, the principal and the therapist...is the child that did it also mentally challenged?

    Either way, this can't be tolerated and your granddaughter needs to be praised over and over and over again that she told you what happened. She needs to know that she's brave and beautiful and smart for telling!!!!

    You're all in my prayers!

    Beth
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    You're doing the right thing by contacting the police & CPS. School needs to be made aware of this & investigate - this other child could be a danger to others as well.

    Contact your therapist - get your difficult child in for an appointment. Give therapist the head's up before you walk in the door with your difficult child. therapist should know how to handle this situation.

    Having said that, I noticed that your difficult child is diagnosis'd Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) children are notorious for false allegations. If others are aware of that diagnosis & know Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) at all, they will bring that point up. Be prepared for that.

    I know that kt can be dramatic & has made false allegations. However, I will always demand an investigation. (Generally, the allegations are against me.)

    kt, (your difficult children as well) need to know that I will follow through & protect her.

    Keep us updated.
     
  5. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    My son was actually the one who told me what happened to my niece. My niece wasn't in the car yet when he told me. My son had heard her say "Stop" to the boy and then asked her on the bus what was wrong. All of the kids in our house feel a certain responsibility for her.

    When she got in the car from the bus stop I asked her what happened at school today. Thats when she told me what happened in her own words.

    The boy is not mentally challenged that we know of. It is a regular bus.
     
  6. Gramma

    Gramma New Member

    difficult child 3 was not the one who told us initially, it was her cousin same age that also attends the same school who told his mom, she in turn called us at work. He saw what was going on and was very upset that this was happening to her. He was so upset, that he told his mom as soon as they got home from the bus. difficult child never said a thing until she was questioned, then she told her version which was the same as her cousin's.

    She does not know how to collaborate stories with anyone. Yes, she can lie - but it is only to get out of trouble for hitting her sisters or taking their Barbies. So far this type of "story" has not been a part of her vocabulary. She is still mostly non-verbal due to her lack of communication skills. When she talks, she mumbles her words together and it is hard to understand. We make her slow down, and say her words one at a time.

    Thanks for all your support, advice and encouragement.
     
  7. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Gramma,

    Wasn't make accusations or anything about difficult child - let's just say that I've learned the hard way & wanted to give you a head's up.

    I'm glad that difficult children cousin said something to his mum; especially with her lack of communication skills.
     
  8. Some school buses in our area are equipped with cameras. Any chance this is the case in your difficult child's bus? That would certainly bolster her allegation.

    At any rate, I'm with the others, report immediately, to cps, file a police report, do everything. Good luck and keep us updated.
     
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Wanting to send hugs, support, and strength to you for the battle you are about to face. I would not wish this on anyone.
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'd file charges against the school. They aren't protecting her. I wouldn't even bother with the disturbed kids, unless they are teens, but I'd still go after the school. And, trust me, I would! And my child would never go to t hat school again. EVER. She is mentally challenged? What is she doing in a school for disturbed children? My son is in a class for mildly cognitively delayed kids (even though he's not technically cognitively delayed, long story). The kids are NOT behavior problems, are all in the same age range, and get along well. He rides a special bus to and from school where the kids are carefully watched. The big bus is scary even for "normal" kids. My son was getting robbed on the regular bus so I demanded a switch--my son is so good-hearted and innocent--he's an easy dupe for the bad kids. Why on earth would a school mix CD kids with behavioral problems? That's asking for the CD kids to be abused because BD kids unfortunately often prey on kids they know they can harm. Your little one deserves to be protected at school. There is NO EXCUSE for what happened and in my opinion she needs a different placement.
     
  11. weaselqt

    weaselqt New Member

    This is long - but with experience & VERY important.

    C was placed in "band" in junior high - which she did not want to sign up for. An instrument is required - and I told them to put her in different class because I can't afford instrument (they do not provide). Well, they convinced us to keep her there and the band teacher had a flute we could borrow - so we agreed.

    Two weeks into the semester, my daughter was in the "practice" room with about 5 other students when she was sexually assaulted. The boy had another boy turn off the lights and he forced himself on her - feeling her up and pin her against wall. A girl turned on the lights and saw what he was doing to C and helped get boy off C.

    C was very upset - and we were not called by the school. They did an internal investigation at school and called all students in to find out what happened.

    Well, C tells us, and I am FURIOUS!! I call school and speak to asst. principal - who in the meantime called husband at work (so I wasn't so upset). Asst. principal told me that everything C said was true and the boy was immediately suspended pending a school board hearing. Asst. principal also told us that offending boy was out of district and he would see to it that the boy would not return to that school - he was very upset too and said he was thinking of his own daughter at same time.

    Week and half later, C comes home from school and we went to Girl Scouts and on the way home, she tells me that the boy was back at school that day. I had so many questions: did he say anything to you? did he do anything to you? did he look at you? She said no to the first two questions, but she said he stared at her all day and was back in class.

    That really P***ed me off! I told her she would not return to that school until I got to the bottom of it. I let her sleep in and the next morning I was calling to speak to asst. principal - and he was not there for the week but principal was there and I spoke to her. I told her my dissatisfaction with how the boy was allowed to return to the school after all that happened. She then tells me that she had to "protect the rights of all the students." Oh, honey - did she EVER get my piece of mind!

    In the meantime, husband was calling School board superintendent and ended up speaking with school attorney. Yeah - of course he already knew of the case since he was at the hearing of the boy.

    We set up a time for a hearing before I would allow my daughter to return to school - and it took 3 days! She missed 3 days because of their "not concerned" attitude.

    She went back to school and the boy was there - but I demanded he be kicked out of band and not be in any class or corridor my daughter was in - nor be exposed to him in any way nor have to make up any work she missed because of them.

    The SB attorney did EVERYTHING we asked - and even removed the student (who happened to be best band student) from band.

    MY MISTAKE:
    not reporting this to the police and for simply allowing the SB attorney and principal to handle this case.

    I suggest you report to police. Since then, in Girl Scouts, we were doing a survey of violence against students and according to what we learned - 88% of crimes that happen at school that would normally be reported to police - ARE NOT REPORTED!

    I wish I could go back do more for C - I feel as if I failed her in that - but I trusted the SB - especially since I work for them.

    by the way - boy's parents took him out to go to another school since he could not be in band and they wanted him in band and he has not been there since.
     
  12. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    How awful. So sorry this happened.

    I've come to the conclusion that our children are not safe anywhere....

    Give us an update when you can.
     
  13. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    Police officer came and took the report last night. Detectives and possibly a counselor are coming this morning. They didn't talk to my niece last night as she was really upset and not acting herself. The officer didn't want her anymore upset before bedtime and he was told by his superior officer that detectives would talk with her first thing this morning. It is only 6:30 here now, so I suppose by 8 we will see somebody.

    The officer also said they would make a CPS report this morning, contact the school district and school principal. He did say he believed her...I am grateful for that. My niece mentally is more like a 5 or 6 yr old. I felt that would be a challenge to get authorities to believe her.
     
  14. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow. I am so sorry.
    Poor thing.
    I'm glad things are finally moving along. That would PO me, too, if he was allowed in class and was intimidating her by staring, and she couldn't even be there and enjoy her own peace of mind. He should have been kicked out of band immediately and separated from all her classes. I mean, that's just common sense, if they're going to let him back in.
    And it makes me wonder who else he's done this to?
    Good luck.
     
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    This sort of assault can happen to young children and schools don't take it seriously because they don't consider it to be sexual assault unless there is adult male involvement. Or at least, sexually mature male involvement. And it's not just schools - people simply don't believe it.

    We went through this with easy child - she was molested at the age of 5, by a 7 year old. She didn't tell us for two years, by which time she was no longer at that school and neither was the perpetrator. I still rang the school to tell them and they DID take it seriously enough to revise their procedures. But I didn't take it any further - I think now I should have, but easy child was terrified that t his boy would find out she had 'told' - he had threatened her that if she told, he would get his father to come round to our house and kill me by running me over with his lawnmower. I know it sounds silly, but to a small girl this was absolutely terrifying and the two years of terror did a lot of damage. I got her into counselling fast, but with hindsight the counsellor was a very bad one, I was totally excluded from the process and given no feedback. Now she is an adult she has blocked it out, and yet I can see the damage long term this has done to her.

    From what I understood at the time from the threat this boy made (and from what I remember of him, he had also been in the same child care centre as her, from her infancy) I am fairly sure he was a victim himself, probably of his father (or else why use his father as a threat?). And I remember the father, he always seemed such a friendly, jolly man.

    Since this incident I've heard of a few others which made the news (and heard the scepticism in the media) and also know personally of another case, a Kindergarten child attacked by older boys in her first week of school. She was too new a student to ever be able to identify the culprits; no investigation was done and no action was ever taken. I've since heard that it has happened to other children at the same school since, but no confirmation.

    So from my experience - call the police and report it. Even if the culprit is never identified, notifying the police provides a record of events which maybe later on could be used to show a pattern of behaviour against difficult child 3.

    Good luck, stand firm, kick hard with those steel-capped boots.

    Marg
     
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Sorry you are going through this... hugs to your whole family
     
  17. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    You did the right thing to call the police and report it. I'm glad that they are taking it seriously.

    Your granddaughter should not have to have any contact with this other student...in class, in the hallway, or on the bus. If he is anywhere your granddaughter is likely to be, he should be removed.

    Something similar happened to me and a friend of mine when we were about 10 years old. When we reported it to the teacher dismissed it. She said "Boys will be boys. The way you look you'd better get used to it." It took years for me to get over it, because I felt that there was no one there to protect me, and I had to face these boys in school every day.

    Your granddaughter is lucky to have you and your daughter looking out for her. This shouldn't happen to anyone.

    All the best,
    Trinity
     
  18. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    The detectives called and said they were getting a counselor to help with the investigation because she is mentally challenged. Should be a few more hours to hear when they will meet with her. There are different guidlines they have to follow because of her disability. The principal is mad that my mother called the police instead of letting the school handle this themselves...Oh well!!

    Thanks for the support, advice, and prayers as they are much appreciated.
     
  19. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Pfft!

    The school will get over it. You guys did the right thing.
    Extra hugs for that precious child.
     
  20. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This just makes me so very sad for that little girl. I am sure you feel the same, but I want to just pick her up and take her away from all the evil and injustice in the world.

    :crying:
     
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