My son threatened a child at school.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterfly31972, Nov 4, 2008.

  1. My difficult child told me this a.m. that he was going to call the police and tell them to put me in jail and tell them to kill me. I told him that was very inappropriate and that he cannot go around saying that...etc....etc......

    He went to school and not 4 hours later a girl yells at him and he says I'm gonna tell my mom to kill you. I believe he feels that it is better to say that he is gonna "hire a hit man" (pardon the pun) than to say he will do it himself.

    I am very concerned that he is spouting out things like this.

    The thing is... we have been taking the CPR (Child-Parent-Relationship)Training at his school with the play therapy toys and it had an assorted aggressive toy section which included a rubber knife, a sword, handcuffs, police stick, no gun (we refused that- knowing he was over the top with that) and a robber mask. I do this at home but I am taking a 7 week class at school to learn how to do it.Of course, when we started our session, he went to the aggressive toys first and sword and rubber knife fought with me. I was the person leading the session and he used the handcuffs in me which is normal and himself just experimenting. But I wonder of it just got him worked up and made him think this way the next day when he was angry for any reason.

    Thoughts? I really feel badly for the girl and when she told the teacher and when the teacher got on to him he cried and showed remorse.

    Please tell me what you would do in this situation and how I should handle it. I need to know what to say to difficult child, the teachers, the counselor, and his psychiatrist, if need be. He is out of school today due to voting and this happened yesterday.
  2. I meant he told me this yesterday and told the girl this yesterday also.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Is this behavior new since he started taking Vyvanse? If so, you should be aware that stimulants like Vyvanse can increase aggressive behaviors, particularly in children with mood disorders.

    Please call the psychiatrist ASAP and simply describe exactly what happened without editorializing. The psychiatrist should know what to do.
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    My difficult child has threatened students at school many times, but he has never threatened them with me. He was always pretty graphic too. I really don't get the point of using aggressive play therapy toys with a child who has aggressive tendencies, to me I would avoid that. But maybe I am not seeing the point of therapy.

    I would ditto smallworld, and call the psychiatrist. Was this type of behavior happening before the Vyvanse? Did it happen before the violent play therapy toys?
  5. According to him, he put me in the equation; but according to the teacher he just said he was going to do it. So I am not really sure which was really said!
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Butterfly! I also agree that aggressive toys with an aggressive kid is going to add up to aggressive behavior - whether in a therapeutic environment or not.

    To me, it's just taking a risk at "planting seeds" that just didn't need to be sown!

    I think that I'd err on the side of caution here. I also think that I'd talk to the teacher and make sure that HIS story is spelled out to her. This way, you can both document "differences of opinion" when it comes to reporting the days events. It'll let you be a better radar detector for when your difficult child is or isn't accurately reporting what happens.

    I'd also check with the psychiatrist - the medications could be part of it.

    Good luck!

  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Butterfly, I'm new to your story...can you tell us a little more about the thought process behind using the aggressive toys in play therapy?

    Are they attempting to teach appropriate choices and behaviors with toys like that, or are they using them to see what kind of reaction he will have with them?

    I, too, am wondering why you give a child with aggressive tendencies aggressive toys, but I'm always up for being educated about it!

    I wish I had an answer to your question - what to do and say. In our case, if the people seem receptive, I will explain (in short summary) my difficult child's history and what we're doing about it. If they're hard-nosed school marms, tho, I just take difficult child and walk away.

    Its hard. Hugs.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Therapy is just theory. I think there are a lot of therapies that I wouldn't do. That's one of them. I really don't see the point. I agree with checking out the medications. Don't seem to be helping him much. Would he maybe do better on a mood stabilizer? I can't see what a stimulant or antidepressant can do for him--they can increase aggression.
  9. This therapy thing is something the school is advocating for the Kindergarten parents. It is a play cantered therapy where the kids who are anxious or easily frustrated can improve their relationships with their teachers or parents or authority figures.

    Tomorrow, I plan to speak with the counselor who leads this class and to the teacher also.

    I spoke with the nurse and am waiting for a call back from the psychiatrist about what happened to make sure that Vyvanse is not the cause of this. He went unmedicated today since we were out of school because of the voting and he truly had no problems with his behavior or aggressiveness today; just the normal bouncing off the walls; which was fine because we spent most of the day outside. :)
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I think you are doing the right thing by talking to the counselor and checking with your son's psychiatrist. All kids react to medications differently, but stimulants do have the side effect of increased aggitation, which can lead boys like ours to aggresive behavior. Your boy is young and you are doing a great job of advocating for him!

  11. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    As young as your difficult child is, the school will take this kind of behavior a little more lightly. It's best to get to the root of it before he gets older or you'll be fending for him at every turn. Our little boys tend to be just that, boys. As young as he is it's hard to tell if he thinks it's cute to catch someone off-guard (mine did) or if he's really harboring those thoughts. I think the school counselor would help the most. Give them a call.
  12. I spoke with the teacher and counselor today and they have decided not to make a big deal out of it. Thank goodness! They did a roleplay of how he could have handled the situation better and the teacher said he did show remorse and cried. So hopefully this will not occur again. Whew!

    But the doctor has still not called me back so I have to call again tomorrow. UGH!

    Thanks everyone for your support.

    And the counselor said anything we feel our child is not ready for yet we can take out of the play session toys when we do our Child Parent Relationship sessions. I believe I will move the aggressive toys! :)
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I was intrigued by your Child-Parent-Relationship therapy, and looked it up. Everything I am reading says that the child is supposed to choose six to eight toys from three to four different toy groups. They shouldn't be offering only weapons at one time. If weapons are offered there should be two or three other types that the child must also select from. That way they readily have the other type of toy to associate with if one particular type seems inappropriate. Do you know the reason that other types of toys weren't available, or was he just not required to choose other toys?

    Honestly, I would be horrified to subject myself to my child's fantasies in front of others if only weapons were available to express himself. M had way too much of a violent bent.
  14. Witzend-thank you for responding and taking the time to look this therapy up. There were alot of different types of toys such as doll furniture, art materials, nurturing toys, doctor kit, etc... But the toys that he gravitated towards were the foam sword and rubber knife. he wanted to Sword fight with these and Finally after some prompting moved on to the doll furniture and started setting up the furniture.

    Now that i read my`1st post I realize I worded it wrong. The toys include but are not limited to aggressive toys. Those are what my child seems to enjoy most. But that was only the first time doing the session so hopefully the next session will not have the same results.

    Thanks everyone! You are so wonderful to help me and I value all of your insight greatly!