My update to *I hate mental illness week*

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Oct 18, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OK, well ToTo started it, and I am gonna coin it. It is officially *I hate mental illness week*. Plus it was a full moon, and it is close to daylight savings, and it is almost all of that must add up to something, right?:tongue:

    So, seriously. Here is my run-down on difficult child (and full moon or not, this is why we are all deemed warrior moms, and our kids, gifts from god. This journey is awful, and yet we have to be their advocates, aka warrior moms ~ and despite it all, these kids mold us into different people, beings, and souls aka gifts from god).

    So Thur I talked to the counselor at the wilderness program Matt was at, and she said that he was cycling every 45 minutes, and not doing well. At that point I told her that I needed to talk to him. It had been a week or 2 since I had spoken to him, and when he got on the phone he outlined to me the different ways he was planning on ending his life. I knew it was sincere, just by his tone, he was not manipulating me. He was at the bottom, and ready to end it. Yet, the program's counselor knew nothing of his suicidal tendencies.

    Immediately I called her, and she said "he is safe, no worries" we will figure this out. Whatever.:mad:

    Fri, I waited, and waited for the counselor to call me, so we could figure out what to do. Finally at 5 pm, AFTER I contacted her, we talked. At this point, after Matt had been cycling for 4 days every 40 minutes, she finally decided that he need medical help. Uh, do you think? Had you called me the first 24 hours he had been cycling I would have known enough to say he needed medical help.

    (Unfortunately, and a lesson for all of us warrior moms to remember...........NEVER send a medical/mentally ill patient to a wilderness program where the nearest medical help is 5 hours away.)

    So she tells me he can be transported to the nearest hospital 5 hours away, or that there is a hospital, affiliated with a possible long term treatment program in Idaho. She gets the doctor from the hospital in ID on the phone, and I talk with him to the best of my ability, and ask my questions. After 5 minutes of this phone conversation she intervenes to say that now I need to decide what to do. A hospital in UT or ID........... and that I have to make the decision NOW.

    I am not sure I have even been that bloody mad. You have known for 4 days my kid was cycling every hour, and yet you wait until day 4 to tall me, and then give me 120 seconds to decide what to do????

    And yet, I had to.

    In those 120 seconds I chose Idaho where there is the remote possibility that the program associated with the hospital can help him long term.

    Today was the roller coaster of getting him from UT, to Nev, on a plane, and to ID, and of course there was a person who went with him to drive and negotiate the airlines ~ but I was anxious all day.

    He got there, and I just talked to him, and he seems to be stabilizing even with all of this stress. He told me his mood cycling was less, and that he was feeling a bit better. Of course it killed me to send him to a hospital sight unseen, but he said it was like all the rest, "brightly lit and sterile", which made me laugh. He would have told me if it was a rat's nest, and for that I am thankful.

    I will go up there Monday, and assess the possibility of the new program, and make sure he is OK.

    Thanks for all of your prayers.
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2008
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am assuming he is not at the one nearest where I lived started with an "O" and was over 3 hours from me... which would have been a pretty long flight. Most likely further down South.
    The South from what I have heard has some pretty decent facilities.
    Here is a link to a great advocacy and support group. They were the one place that really tried hard to help up north. But they have more people and pull in the south!
    They may be able to have an advocate check on Matt or do some advocacy for you when you can't be there. Or someone to talk to, or even may know about the facility he is in.

    I am sorry. I am sorry he is going through this, I am sorry you are having to be a Mom going through this. I don't care if you are supposed to be tough right now. It has got to be oh so hard on your heart.
    Believe and hope. He needs it. Some people take a lot longer to find there stability in life.It just is going to wear you out in the mean time.
    hang in there lady
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2008
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Steely, hugs. I can't believe it took the counselor 4 days to figure it out. He may be stabilizing for the simple fact that he knows he's now safe.

    I'm glad you're going out there on Monday. You'll feel better, and he'll feel better. Get some rest -- you have a long journey ahead of you.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What an idiot that counsellor was!! I am glad you have him transferred somewhere safer, and that you can go up and see him on MOnday. Sending you many hugs and prayers!

  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "He may be stabilizing for the simple fact that he knows he's now safe."

    That was what I was thinking, too. Mind you, that doesn't mean he didn't need it - but it also indicates that he is trying hard to get control of himself as best as he can, which is a good sign.

    Hang in there. You made the decision, sounds like the place is good, he IS almost an adult so this 'incident' (or whatever we call it) is happening in a halfway house sort of way, you're long distance but still involved so it's not as if it's happening totally out of your influence; but as he's so close to adulthood, it's good for this to be happening now, while you ARE still in a position to have some level of control even form far away. It means that if/when this happens to him when he's more independent, hopefully it won't be too scary for him.

    As for the counsellor - she may have taken her sweet time deciding if the problem was serious enough to do something, but at least she stopped shilly-shallying and has finally put action in place.

    Be strong. This is going to keep happening until he is stable and has grown up a fair bit more.

  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yea Marg, you are correct. The over 18 piece in this is critical because he has to sign his way in and out of the facility and now the hospital. He called me when he got to the financial forms and asked what they meant and if he should sign them. It is becoming ingrained in his head slowly, how to take care of himself, and what you do in a mental health crisis.

    I think he did sound better because he felt safe. I know he will not remain "chipper" and that there will be many more long roads, but the fact that I could hear that old Matthew back in his voice made me calmer.

    Toto............I don't remember what phosphs you went to. This one is FAR north, 45 minutes from Washington. I will PM you, and see if you have heard of it. Thanks for the advocacy link.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry for all Matt and you are going through. Mental illness stinks.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Well, now that counselor is behind you and you can move forward. I am so glad you got to talk to Matt. This has been a long, rough few wks.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Steely...many hugs. I'm glad Matt is safe, and that you're able to see him Monday. Keeping you both in my prayers.
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Steely, this is a good thing to have happened. He has had his hand held through the process of organising his own mental health care, HE has had to sign himself in, as you said, and he did it. It's OK to ask for help and advice, he didn't fight getting the help.

    All he needs to learn now, is to recognise the need in himself and ask for the help maybe a bit sooner. Or learn to insist even when the other health professionals around him are not so fast on the uptake.

    All in all, it's a good way for this crisis to have happened.

    It's a shame any crisis has to happen to our children, but after all, it's why this site exists - because some kids continue to have crises from infancy to adulthood and beyond.

    Once more into the breach, dear friends...

  12. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Steely-(((HUGS))) to you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope now that he is in hospital that things start looking better.
  13. Steely, my heart goes out to you. Hugs - you had such a hard decision to make sight unseen! I hope Matt gets the help he needs. It is hard enough to watch your child rapid cycle like that, let alone if you aren't there to help him!
  14. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well I will be leaving tomorrow morning at 6am to go see Matt.

    He is crashing and burning. Threatening the staff, refusing to come out of his bedroom.

    See more on WC if you want.

    My mom is flying up with me for support, but now I am questioning why I even allowed that. I must be insane, because she and I drive each other crazy under times of stress. God can only hope this time will be different, or that her driving me crazy will keep me distracted from really being crazy.:angry-very:

    Thanks for the support.