RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Our son has been in a faith based program for seven weeks.
We only get to speak with him ten minutes once per week and there is someone with him.
We are grateful for this communication but also dread it in some ways because we are never sure which way to go with the conversations.....don't want him to miss home, miss the dogs, be homesick. Ask mainly about what HE is doing there.
He works in their car wash or their thrift store every day. He gets up at 5:30 am and showers and shaves daily. Everyone there has a job. There are some that cook for everyone and some that do laundry for everyone.
His day is very structured. No TV, no computer, no cell phones. Basically cut off from the world he has known. No mail from anyone other than immediate family. No calls other than to us once per week for ten minutes. No distractions.
He said when they don't have customers in the car wash they have to stand outside with a sign to advertise. It is in a very undesirable area. He said homeless people talk to them when they are holding the sign. I am grateful that he has food and shelter and is in a positive environment.
He asked to be baptized a few weeks ago. He was baptized as a baby so it's not that we didn't do that. When we talked to him after that he asked if he could come home. I don't know if he thought being baptized would do it but we told him he has to finish the 13 month program. He won't be released until November of 2018.
Believe it or not they do NOT push the religion there. It's just there for them and they can partake as much as they want. They have meetings and study the bible which is similar to AA meetings - which he never liked. They do go to church and he said he really likes the church.
I tell him that hopefully when he finishes the program he will look at the world differently. He will think differently. This will be a fresh start for us as a family. He desperately needs to change his thinking.
He has been using substances on and off since the age of 15. He has gone many months sober and then would go back to using. He never was really committed to sobriety long term. He was very young. I know that this has affected his brain. There is nothing we can do about that.
My therapist is an addiction specialists. She said that it takes about a YEAR...yes a YEAR of not using substance for your brain to really be healed where you can truly think clearly. That explains why nothing has worked for him thus far.
We are going to see him on December 16. He cannot leave on a pass yet but we can stay for a 4 hour visit. We are allowed to bring him two Christmas presents. They are not allowed to wear anything with hoods. (YAY). They play a lot of cards so maybe we'll do that. We're a bit anxious. I have not seen him since April so I am looking forward to seeing him. I don't know how I will feel and I am really scared about how it will affect me emotionally.
I have pushed my feelings so far down and detached so that I can get through each day and try to live my own life with purpose and meaning. I have told him that he has to find purpose and meaning in his own life also and hopefully he can do that in this program. He said it is very hard there and I said that is what he needs. We'll find out more on the visit I guess.
I am cautiously optimistic. We have been through so much for so long but this is different and I'm hoping that the program, the faith and maturity will somehow kick in so he can move on with his life.
We only get to speak with him ten minutes once per week and there is someone with him.
We are grateful for this communication but also dread it in some ways because we are never sure which way to go with the conversations.....don't want him to miss home, miss the dogs, be homesick. Ask mainly about what HE is doing there.
He works in their car wash or their thrift store every day. He gets up at 5:30 am and showers and shaves daily. Everyone there has a job. There are some that cook for everyone and some that do laundry for everyone.
His day is very structured. No TV, no computer, no cell phones. Basically cut off from the world he has known. No mail from anyone other than immediate family. No calls other than to us once per week for ten minutes. No distractions.
He said when they don't have customers in the car wash they have to stand outside with a sign to advertise. It is in a very undesirable area. He said homeless people talk to them when they are holding the sign. I am grateful that he has food and shelter and is in a positive environment.
He asked to be baptized a few weeks ago. He was baptized as a baby so it's not that we didn't do that. When we talked to him after that he asked if he could come home. I don't know if he thought being baptized would do it but we told him he has to finish the 13 month program. He won't be released until November of 2018.
Believe it or not they do NOT push the religion there. It's just there for them and they can partake as much as they want. They have meetings and study the bible which is similar to AA meetings - which he never liked. They do go to church and he said he really likes the church.
I tell him that hopefully when he finishes the program he will look at the world differently. He will think differently. This will be a fresh start for us as a family. He desperately needs to change his thinking.
He has been using substances on and off since the age of 15. He has gone many months sober and then would go back to using. He never was really committed to sobriety long term. He was very young. I know that this has affected his brain. There is nothing we can do about that.
My therapist is an addiction specialists. She said that it takes about a YEAR...yes a YEAR of not using substance for your brain to really be healed where you can truly think clearly. That explains why nothing has worked for him thus far.
We are going to see him on December 16. He cannot leave on a pass yet but we can stay for a 4 hour visit. We are allowed to bring him two Christmas presents. They are not allowed to wear anything with hoods. (YAY). They play a lot of cards so maybe we'll do that. We're a bit anxious. I have not seen him since April so I am looking forward to seeing him. I don't know how I will feel and I am really scared about how it will affect me emotionally.
I have pushed my feelings so far down and detached so that I can get through each day and try to live my own life with purpose and meaning. I have told him that he has to find purpose and meaning in his own life also and hopefully he can do that in this program. He said it is very hard there and I said that is what he needs. We'll find out more on the visit I guess.
I am cautiously optimistic. We have been through so much for so long but this is different and I'm hoping that the program, the faith and maturity will somehow kick in so he can move on with his life.