BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Please read, then I have questions. I greatly appreciate your interest.
My poor liltle four year old grandson is acting out, crying a lot, melting down, and refusing to do anything asked of him. This was a difficult child with non-stop energy BEFORE the divorce. Now he is a mess. I rarely make suggestions to my grown children, knowing that prefer I listen rather than tell them what to do, but I did suggest thst Son take J. for counseling, but apparently neither he nor ex-daughter in law think they can afford counseling. Son makes a good salary so he is locked out of any lower price breaks, even though, because of the divorce, he really doesn't have much money left over after paying lawyers and his ex and taking care of J. plus keeping up the mortgage. Ex-daughter in law thinks he's loaded and refuses to pay anything. Maybe she can't. I am not privvy to her finances.
I think Grandson has ADHD at the very least. The kid is never still, never quiet, manipulative and smarter than most kids his age (which doesn't help things). Frankly, J. is a mess right now and I'm really afraid that this is going to set a pattern of negativity and anger...and once school starts next year...whoa. He is already acting out for babysitter.
For those of you who divorced when the children were young, did your kids act out like this? IF so, what did you do about it. Do you have anything...any wisdom...I can pass along to my son. Yes, I know therapy is very important. If I push too hard, it won't work though. Is there anything else you did that helped your child? This kid is shifted back and forth like a ping pong ball. He spends five straight days with Mom and her new Honeybuns (J. always tells my son he doesn't want to be with the new honeybuns; just Mommy) and then J. spends five straight days with my son. There is no communication between Son and his ex. I have to give my son credit. He tries to talk to her without sounding angry. He has broached her about maybe not bringing J. to see Honeybuns all the time, but all she does is scream at him for talking about that. Then she turns everything around to how Son is doing this and that wrong and it is not helpful. I'm sure Son is not perfect either, but between the two of them, he is calmer, smarter, and more rational MOST OF THE TIME.
I guess this is partly a vent too because, since son took off to Missouri there is little I can do to help. I am never going to move to Missouri. Chicago was so much closer (sigh). Maybe I can spend a month there in the summer and help out, but basically J. is alone in Missouri with Mom and Dad and no other family from either side. So...all suggestions are welcome. I can't bombard him with them, but I can neatly fit good common sense (which all of you have) into my conversations with him.
Frankly, son's neediness right now is wearing me out emotionally. There is nothing I can do from this distance except listen. And it breaks my heart to hear about J.
Thanks for reading this and adding advice, if you did
My poor liltle four year old grandson is acting out, crying a lot, melting down, and refusing to do anything asked of him. This was a difficult child with non-stop energy BEFORE the divorce. Now he is a mess. I rarely make suggestions to my grown children, knowing that prefer I listen rather than tell them what to do, but I did suggest thst Son take J. for counseling, but apparently neither he nor ex-daughter in law think they can afford counseling. Son makes a good salary so he is locked out of any lower price breaks, even though, because of the divorce, he really doesn't have much money left over after paying lawyers and his ex and taking care of J. plus keeping up the mortgage. Ex-daughter in law thinks he's loaded and refuses to pay anything. Maybe she can't. I am not privvy to her finances.
I think Grandson has ADHD at the very least. The kid is never still, never quiet, manipulative and smarter than most kids his age (which doesn't help things). Frankly, J. is a mess right now and I'm really afraid that this is going to set a pattern of negativity and anger...and once school starts next year...whoa. He is already acting out for babysitter.
For those of you who divorced when the children were young, did your kids act out like this? IF so, what did you do about it. Do you have anything...any wisdom...I can pass along to my son. Yes, I know therapy is very important. If I push too hard, it won't work though. Is there anything else you did that helped your child? This kid is shifted back and forth like a ping pong ball. He spends five straight days with Mom and her new Honeybuns (J. always tells my son he doesn't want to be with the new honeybuns; just Mommy) and then J. spends five straight days with my son. There is no communication between Son and his ex. I have to give my son credit. He tries to talk to her without sounding angry. He has broached her about maybe not bringing J. to see Honeybuns all the time, but all she does is scream at him for talking about that. Then she turns everything around to how Son is doing this and that wrong and it is not helpful. I'm sure Son is not perfect either, but between the two of them, he is calmer, smarter, and more rational MOST OF THE TIME.
I guess this is partly a vent too because, since son took off to Missouri there is little I can do to help. I am never going to move to Missouri. Chicago was so much closer (sigh). Maybe I can spend a month there in the summer and help out, but basically J. is alone in Missouri with Mom and Dad and no other family from either side. So...all suggestions are welcome. I can't bombard him with them, but I can neatly fit good common sense (which all of you have) into my conversations with him.
Frankly, son's neediness right now is wearing me out emotionally. There is nothing I can do from this distance except listen. And it breaks my heart to hear about J.
Thanks for reading this and adding advice, if you did