Need some advice...Court tomorrow

[TerryJ2]

Just checking in on you today. My niece did meth for many yrs. My sister kept taking her to the dentist and she never got "meth mouth." It took 4 different rehabs until she decided to get clean. No idea what did it--just that she was ready at that point.
I feel this too often: "I used to feel such deep desperation and sadness that I thought I would lose my mind."

But today I'm a little detached. I think maybe we exhaust ourselves emotionally and then instinct kicks in and we move forward.

 

[WearyMom18]

Today she called from this guy's phone that she's staying with and sounded like herself but was asking for money, says she's on the side of the road out of gas in this guy's truck. Interesting how he told me he owned his own business and had no problem with money and would help her but they are on the side of the road out of gas? Yeah...right. She started crying and yelling and hung up as usual when I said no. She called back about a half hour later crying saying she needed help, she needed the money and I told her no again. Haven't heard or gotten a text from her since. Re-blocked that number and I said nothing to her about her missed court date today even though I practically had to hold my mouth closed! I guess it's my own super-organized self that makes me want to notify her attorney that she won't be in court and keep track of dates and times and appointments but I have to let go of her stuff. The system will catch up to her eventually and I honestly think jail would be the best place for her. At least she would have very limited access to drugs if any.

I'm hanging in there, no sadness today, just feeling annoyed and a little tired but I'm pushing through each day so much better than a couple of months ago - what a difference this forum has done for me. Thank you all so very very much - my husband asks me every evening if I'm posting regularly and listening to what all of you are saying.

I read him your responses and he silent claps the whole time in total agreeance. I know he wants to say, 'I told you so!' but he doesn't because he knows how hard it's been to stop the co-dependency and detach from her.

On the drug piece of this - are there rehabs that homeless or people with no money can access for that kind of help? I've paid for a very expensive trip to rehab before and she got arrested while she was there so I'm not signing up for another rehab - I think she needs to seek that help when she's ready, on her own. I'm just not sure how it works or if there is such a thing as charity rehab.

 

[Tanya M]

Way to stand your ground with her!!

Interesting how he told me he owned his own business and had no problem with money and would help her but they are on the side of the road out of gas? Yeah...right.

This sounds really fishy.

On the drug piece of this - are there rehabs that homeless or people with no money can access for that kind of help?

Here's a link that might help.
http://www.recovery.org/topics/choo...t-homelessness-and-addiction-recovery-center/

You're doing GREAT!!

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I have to let go of her stuff.

Good job, mom.

When our daughter was homeless in the night in the middle of a Minnesota blizzard and called crying that her feet were freezing and other horrible, unbelievable things (still get that numb feeling when I think about that night).

Where was I going with this.

We said no.

Neither of us slept, that night.

We began trying to rent her a place to stay for the six weeks or so until we would be back in Minnesota.

And we learned she and her people had been blacklisted from even the worst dives in that city. So, had we charged the hotel room to our account for those three blizzard nights...all the homeless would have been in there and it would have been destroyed and wrecked and we would have had to pay for it.

I still cannot believe all these things happened to us.

PTSD.

I get into that shockey, kind of numb place when I think about it, I mean.

I think we cannot avoid it.

The situations our children find themselves in are so dire, and there is nothing we can do for them that does not spiral them further into their addictions.

I wish I could help you face it, somehow.

Our daughter did live.

Nothing froze. Toes or anything, I mean.

Thank you all so very very much - my husband asks me every evening if I'm posting regularly and listening to what all of you are saying.

I know. This site and the people on it have become a regular part of our dinner conversation, too.

I am grateful. There have been so few times when anyone could understand what was happening to all of us. I am ~ I wonder whether I would ever have healed as I have, without this site.

I think the answer is no.

What we go through as we trail after our self-destructive or addicted kids is just so awful.

I read him your responses and he silent claps the whole time in total agreeance. I know he wants to say, 'I told you so!' but he doesn't because he knows how hard it's been to stop the co-dependency and detach from her.

My D H too. Only he doesn't silent clap. He like, dances on the table shouting all about "I told you so."

It's the Italian in him, I think.

But he is also less judgmental than I am, and more accepting of where the kids are today. I am still so freaking shocked at the way everything turned out that I have to kind of walk all around what really happened like it never really happened. D H is like "No difference. Love 'em. They're my kids. Don't have to see them often or hear from them all the time. Hope they do well. Got my own life."

So, that's a pretty good way to be.

Cedar

 

[Scent of Cedar *]

I'm just not sure how it works or if there is such a thing as charity rehab.

Yes.

There are state-mandated rehabs. Our daughter has been in those. She left from the last one she was in and you all know what happened after that.

Very sad.

You could begin your research by googling "state mandated rehab" for your state.

Cedar

P.S. You would not be able to access those services for her. It becomes a legal matter.

I am sorry this is happening to you and your child. Really, I feel so badly that you are all going through this.

 

[Lil]

WearyMom, I just want you to know I am reading along and keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts. Remember we are here when you need us.

 

[Echolette]

He like, dances on the table shouting all about "I told you so."

Cedar, I love your husband!

"No difference. Love 'em. They're my kids. Don't have to see them often or hear from them all the time. Hope they do well. Got my own life."

OK, now I want to BE your husband . Not that I want to be married to you, although I think you are fabulous, but I want to live in his skin and feel that way! YOu know what? I almost do.

are there rehabs that homeless or people with no money can access for that kind of help? I've paid for a very expensive trip to rehab before and she got arrested while she was there so I'm not signing up for another rehab

Weary,

I had one reaction to this...don't wonder about that. Don't make it YOUR headspace that works on her access to rehab. Let it go. She isn't ready yet anyway, although she might dangle it at you. If she is ready, she will find a way.

We spent the equivalent of a private college education on residential therapy and rehab on our son. Then we were done. Since then he has been in detox or rehab a few times...he gets hospitalized through a crisis center, and they find a placement for him. They call and ask us to come in for meetings and we say "no thank you." Because it is his life to fix, through whatever routes are open to him. It is not impossible for him to do that, nor is it impossible for you Difficult Child to do that, even if you don't provide the support for rehab.

Let it go. It is hers to manage now.

Interesting how he told me he owned his own business and had no problem with money and would help her but they are on the side of the road out of gas? Yeah...right.

I thought that when you first posted about his call..I thought....yeah right. There is always a world where Difficult Child and some user get together and concoct a story that sound good. There is also a world where the user really thinks he might help and tries to reengage you. In neither case should you engage. At all. If the helper is a real helper, good for them, let them make their choices. More likely they are as messed up as Difficult Child. and the whole project will burn itself out as long as you don't engage.

I used to get a call a month from one young woman or another eager to explain Difficult Child's special personness to me, or to tell me how I had hurt him, or to let me know how he was doing and how I should help...I don't take them any more. I delete them from my voice mail or facebook or whatever. They don't know what I know. I don't want to talk to them.

Good luck to you, Weary. You are in the thick of things. Keep posting, keep sharing, and we will share too.

We all wanna be Cedar's husband. This is my aspiration for today!!!

Hugs,

Echo