Need to vent maybe long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pasajes4, Jul 17, 2013.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My son is due home from his juvenile placement on August 23. We have bi-weekly family counceling sessions at the facility. We had one at 9 a.m. this morning and I am still reeling and seething and just about foaming at the mouth.

    We were having a discussion about his home pass weekend and how it went. We had an incident where he took off by himself after being told he could not (rules of home pass forbid it). He came back after I went after him. I explained the rules again and he said he understood. well, not really. He told the counselor that the rule was stupid and that he did not agree with the rule and he does not agree with the rules of probation once he gets out and that he will try to foloow trhem but he might not be able to cause they are so unfair. The counselor asked if his friends come to our house. My son told him that his friends don't like coming to my house because I won't let them smoke weed and that I should let them because then they would not have to do it in public and get arrested. The other reason is because I am so nosey and ask to many questions. Why do I need to know who they are and what they are doing? My friends don't always like to hang out with me because my mom makes me come home so I can't smoke weed with them and whhen they want to rob a house I don't want to go......good for he's locked up because he robbed the neighbors house. I am of course thrilled to hear all of this and pretty much realize that he has the same mind set that he went in with and that all of the positive changes that I have seen are to a large extent playing the role he needs to play in order to get out of there.

    Here's the part that ticked me off. The therapist took issue with the fact that I seem to not see that it is my son's house too and that he has a RIGHT to have his friends over and that I do not have a right to in his words give his friends the third degree about what their names are or that gee I don't want people in my house that feel they can curse me out, leave messes, do drugs, plot crimes and use my house as a place to come when they get kicked out of their houses for doing the same thing.

    I don't know maybe I am unreasonable. I just don't think I should have to sit in my room like I am a prisoner in order for my son to feel welcome in his own home.

    I was just starting to feel hopeful about his future and our relationship but after today. I just ain't feeling it.

    Sorry about the rant but I need to disgorge before I blew sky high. Thank God I have therapy tomorrow.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Where do some therapists get their degrees? The funny farm? Im not exactly too far off because one of the group homes that youngest was in told him if or when he got his GED, they would hire him! I was floored. Isnt that like the fox watching the hen house?

    That therapist is crazy as a loon himself. Its YOUR house. You own it, not your son. If your son wants a party pad he can go to work and get his own place. I would be as mad as you because the therapist just undermined you in front of your son. That is bad therapy 101.

    Next time you go for this family group thing I would bring it back up and tell the therapist if he feels so confident in your son's choice of friends then he can take him home with him. However at your house, your rules will stand. I remember from when my son was on juvenile probation that one of the rules was to follow all house rules set by your parents. I am sure his PO will happily back you up that you dont have to let criminals rule your roost.

    Idiots...I swear. I have this favorite saying and it applies to therapists too.

    Do you know what they call the student who finished last in his class at medical school? Doctor!
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    wow!! Really!! How about all your sons friends hanging out at the therapists home all hours of the night? How would he like that? I would have suggested it!! I am with you. It doesn't sound like your son has learned anything. And the therapist has forgotten or never learned much in the past! KSM
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I get that this therapist is new on the case and that he wants to build a raport with my son, but your right my son read it as ....see mom even the therapist agrees with me. By the way, he is doing his residency at the facility. He ticked me off so badly that I left before he could schedule the next session. Pigs will fly before I let my house be a pit stop between burglaries. Oh he is going to get an earful.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That reminds me of the time my youngest got admitted to his first psychiatric hospital. I knew very well that they would only keep him a few days so I wanted to spend the time I had when I was there trying to get the social workers to help give me answers and advice for going forward. I needed a discharge plan and I knew we needed to be working on it ASAP.

    Well, we go into this so called family session and my son was almost in a coma because of the medications they had started him on so after I gave him a brief hug and kiss I started to get down to work with this therapist. She didnt want to answer any of my questions but wanted to talk about feelings and all that hoohah. I looked at her and told her I would deal with his feelings later but right now I needed to start working on what would happen after he left the hospital.

    This idiot looks over at my son who was drooling in his chair and asked him "So how does it feel to know your mother doesnt love you?" Then she turned to his father and told him the best thing he could do for our son was to take him and leave me!!!! My husband sat there in stunned awe for a few moments and then told her "exactly what am I supposed to do with him when SHE is the one who advocates for him 24/7?"

    Shut her up. I left and made a complaint to the hospital.
  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I don't think this guy gets that how my son feels about the law or my rules are moot at this point. He broke the law. He robbed the house of people who were kind to him. He cut off his ankle monitor because he did not want to have to be in the house. He flaunted it by parading up and down the street in front of these people's house. He has a felony. We are supposed to work on him accepting that until he is out of my house and according to the judge... I better know exactly who my kid is bringing in the front door and I better know where he is at ALL times. He gets 0 privacy.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like you are going to have your hands full. Do you know who his PO is going to be yet? I would beg them for the biggest, baddest tough guy they have. My son learned as a juvenile and then an early adult (16-20) that cops and judges really didnt mean what they said. Oh you might get arrested but you were out in a couple of hours and then all he got was a slap on the wrist and unsupervised probation. I have yet to figure out what good unsupervised probation is.
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I just got off the phone with his NEW p.o. His original p.o. was a softy and believe me my son knows how to tug on the heart strings. New p.o is far from being a soft touch. I would say he sounds like a hard ***** mother trucker. All I have to say is THANK GOD. I gave him the jist of the session. He laughed and said the newbies start out that way but that we have a meeting coming up with the three of us and the my son will be brought up to code on who is in charge and that would be in this order. the judge, probation, and me.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good! Excellent!

    My son finally learned his lesson when he got an adult PO who was built like a linebacker in the NFL. He was 6'6" tall and his shoulders must have been 3 and a half feet wide. He was built like he could tear my son in
  10. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Yes, I took my daughter to see her probation officer and he was mild mannered and very soft spoken, I had called ahead and told them she needs to be scared to death of consequences and that's what I got. Ugh. I am glad to hear that the probation officer is tough. That will help. At least I am hoping.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    That therapist is an idiot!! It's your house! You pay the bills, buy the food, and make it nice. You have every right to know who is coming in and out, and what they are doing while they are there. I know that I would not want my son's friends smoking pot and plotting burglary from my living room. No way!! And this idiot just made your job that much harder.

    I am glad to hear that the PO isn't a softie and that he is going to do his best to make difficult child tow the line once he gets home.
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Idiot therapist is a resident? As in not out of school yet? This means you can ream out his supervising professor, too! Everything difficult child is complaining about is called good parenting. Maybe difficult child needs a better set of friends. Ones who don't rob houses or smoke weed.
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Liahona, funny you should mention his supervisor. I am in therapy at the university from which he hails. I am in therapy because of all of this mess with my difficult child. I was so aggiatated at that point that I just unleshed it all to the therapist. She felt my rage and had me sign a release so she could bring in the supervisor. We had quite a little confab over this incident. I have requested that we be switched to the other unit counselor. She is not a resident and has years of experience working with difficult children and all of the **** that goes along with raising one.
  14. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I bet your difficult child will be the last time that therapist shoots down the parents in front of.