How many times have you heard that one?!?! But really I'm about to lose it. difficult child has been home full time since last Wednesday. She isn't any better!!! They got her off the lithium and she is mentally clearer--great. It didn't result in any increased behaviors than she went into the psychiatric hospital with. The same things are happening. She is completely oppositional, defiant, screaming, yelling, rude, thinks she is in charge, out of control...then she suddenly is happy, silly, hyper, talks and moves incessantly, fidigity, "baby" behavior and voice...and then she is crying and whiney. The only moments were things are okay for 30 seconds are the moments between the shifts in her mood. And she is completely non responsive to the behavioral rewards system. She is starting to get a bit physical with her peers at school--great, more reasons for kids and thier parents to hate her! The adderall is doing nothing, except, killing her appetite and messing up her sleep. I'm so freaking tired!!! The home based services haven't started yet. At the intake for home based on Friday, Abbey bit me and kicked me so hard my bruises are still purple. You would think it would make them move a bit faster, but no. We see the psychiatrist from the psychiatric hospital on Thursday, which is a lifetime away. And I don't really think he has any idea what he is doing. The Adderall needs to stop and she needs another mood stabililzer. I know she has tried nearly all of them, but I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!! On top of all of this I am moving in less than a month. I am drowning in bills. I am so disconnected from everything that is not related to keeping difficult child from exploding. I feel so alone. I feel like I am the eye of the storm. I'm just standing there alone watching the chaos and completely unable to do anything. I'm so embarassed to say that I actually had to bribe her to get through the store tonight. It took an hour and a half to get her in the car, seat belt on, 15 min drive to store, and then out of car with shoes on and not screaming. I had to go to the store, I needed her medications and mine. I also was in desperate need for a vaccum belt (it's been broken for 2 weeks). And a few personal items. So I got them all at once. I had to have her in the carriage (remember she is nearly 9 yrs old) so she wouldn't get away from me. It also decreases the overstimulation, distractions, and grabbing of items. In order to get the few things I needed I kept saying just a few more minutes than we can get you a pair of shoes. She loves shoes and she really doesn't need any more shoes but it was the only thing I could think of to get us through the store. She didn't deserve any shoes and it sets such a bad experience for future trips to the store. But I really couldn't do anything else. Right now I'm just trying to make it through the day without her hurting herself or anyone else. Once I finally get her to school, late of course, I just cry on my way to work. The crisis has not let up yet. I have become desperate, exhausted and apparently at the will of an unstable child. Whew, that helped a bit, but now I'm just more aware of my sadness at the current state of our lives. I need a mom to take care of me!