New again and so sick of it all

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kathie In NY, Sep 9, 2007.

  1. Kathie In NY

    Kathie In NY Member

    Hi-I used to come here about 4 yrs ago-and posted briefly.E was 13 at the time.Fast forward-now she is 17. Diagnosed BiPolar (BP).Did regular counseling along with medications for awhile earlier this yr. Took herself off medications because she did not like the way they made her feel.Also smokes pot-cigarettes and I think-drinks. She is Learning Disability (LD)-and a senior in HS(barely) Suspended last year for possesion of drug paraphernalia(pipe) and for fighting.I lost control of her a long time ago.She has not respected me or her Dad for yrs. Defiant does not begin to describe her.There are days I am ashamed to be her Mom. Anyway-tonite was a horror for us.Verbal fighting-horrific language-her Dad had to physically restrain her.It got really ugly really quick-to the point I was scared for her Dad's and her safety. Called 911. She took off out the window.Cops came and filed report.She is missing.Cell phone is unanswered.I am not worried for her safety-she often spends nights with-her friend who has apt. I just wish she would come home.Or let me know she is ok.This :censored2:.I am sad.SO is sad.easy child is sad.All because we wouldn't let her go out at 9 pm on a school nite.Thanks for reading.
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Glad you remembered us and came here when you needed us. So sorry you need us again/still.

    It sounds like there isn't much you can do. Have you done any research on detachment? It is what keeps most of us sane. It sounds like maybe you are in countdown to 18 mode? I think I would be.

    Is there any chance you can get her back on medications? Would it do any good if she is taking drugs/drinking?

    You might try AL-Anon meetings, for your own sake. Sometimes they can be a good source of support.

    Hugs,

    Susie

    ps. Please keep us posted!
     
  3. Kathie In NY

    Kathie In NY Member

    She did just text me a few minutes ago-she said she is safe at a friends.In NY-she has the right to refuse medications.Won't even go see the psychiatrist anymore.We have tried.
     
  4. SnowAngel

    SnowAngel New Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Kids dont come with individual instructions and are frustrating. I havent dealt with the drugs or alcohol part as of yet,that must be a nightmare. Calling the PD was good. No family should ever put up with physical abuse or the destruction of property. My 18yr easy child daughter has been out of the house for 7 months and it kills me that the worrying doesnt stop. I know others will offer their support and advice. I am sorry I dont have words of wisdom,however you and your family are in my prayers tonight.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, hon. Yeah, I had the daughter that did drugs too and she was very disrespectful and did nothing we asked of her. At eighteen, after finding her and some friends doing drugs in the house (she thought we were gone overnight) we made her leave. That's when she finally straightened out. We gave her a choice of drug treatment and complying with rules or leaving and she chose to leave. I have no words of wisdom except that she'll be eighteen soon and you have to decide how to handle that. (((Hugs))) and try to have a good day.
     
  6. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Hi Kathy~

    My daughter struggled in the same manor as yours ... although ours was never outwardly hostile toward us. She was what I describe as a 'passive aggressive' in terms of her behaviors.

    Our daughter 'walked out' twice her senior year in high school. Both time she 'couch surfed' until families got tired of feeding her and sent her on her way.

    As painful as it was ... and as much as I worried ... it was good for our daughter. When she finally did come home (she was gone about six weeks) she said she was ready to come home and 'live by the rules'. And for the most part she did. That time helped her realize that home wasn't such a bad place to be.

    When/if she does decide to return home I might suggest that one of the terms of coming home would be therapy/medication compliance. If she's truly BiPolar (BP) ... then she need to be on medications if she's going to have any chance of normalcy. As long as she reside under your roof ... you still get to call the shots. in my opinion.
     
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy, you are really stuck. What can you do? She refuses medications and continues to make poor decisions.

    I do believe it is time for detachment. When she hits rock bottom you will be there for her. If she turns it around - even better! LOL! It is up to her now.

    HUGS!!
     
  8. Kathie In NY

    Kathie In NY Member

    Thanks everyone.I have no friends to confide in and I keep my family on a need to know basis.They know very little. I wish she could find a better set of friends. Most are HS drop outs and her 2 closest friends are pregnant.She s extremely drawn to the crap rap lifestyle in her music and dress.Her language would make your toes curl.Most of her friends have history with-local police.She prides herself on being a bad girl.I am not so proud.
     
  9. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Can you call the police and file her as missing? I'm not exactly sure what it's called, but in NY there's a thing called "PINS" (something like Parents In Need of aSsitance). Can you ask them about that at the local police station (you could probably call them without providing them with info. an just investigate it.

    Welcome back!
     
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Kathie,

    glad you came back to us for a little support, head nodding, and "I understands".

    I hope she continues to be safe while out of the house.

    Sharon
     
  11. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi Kathy,
    I know someone mentioned PINS. We had that filed on our dtr--she had a probation officer to report to and was required to follow the rules of our house. She didn't and she eventually was arrested and sent to a dual diagnosis facility (she was doing drugs and had mental health issues).

    I do know that in NY state you as a parent are supposed to know where your under 18 age kid is. We got so sick of reporting ours missing each time she just didn't come home for a day or 2 but the one time we decided not to report her someone called CPS on us. The CPS people were very understanding--they knew we could not control this kid and as the cps worker said, "if you tied her up we'd be out here investigating you for that." Still, we had to report her missing. In our case the cops also were very understanding. Many times when she was younger (15 and 16) they would talk to her, try to tell her how lucky she was to have parents who care about her, try to tell her how bad it would or could be in jail for her (she is only 4'11" and 95 lbs). None of it made any difference but I felt that both cps and the cops knew what they were dealing with and did not blame us in any way.

    I sure do feel for you--this brings back unpleasant memories!

    Jane
     
Loading...